I have had it with my 3.5yo night waking. please tell me I am not alone

Ds has beena good sleeper most of his life, but really since DD was born (nearly a year ago) his sleeping has become on and off.

He wakes crying in the night for no reason, except he wants our attention. I go in and tell hom to go back to sleep, then he starts howling and demanding cuddles, and any excuse under the sun to get us back in there. I think I am playing in to his game by keeping on going back in., In the end last night, I just left him to howl. (he woke the baby) He probably cried for about half an hour.

Then it bacomes a vicious cycle. He is tired, i am tired but he just keeps waking.

I would be more understanding of him waking in the night and just coming in to us, but instead he stays in his room and just carries on.

What should I do?? Keep going back in, which I think is feeding his behaviour, or go in once, to make sure it is not something genuine, and explain to him that it is sleep time, and that I won't be coming back in for silly reasons.

Please tell me I am not the only one who has their three year old up in the night.

Our DS is also 3.5 and also wakes during the night so you are definitely not alone there.:hug: Unlike your situation tho, he has always been a night waker and we have had everything from night terrors to screaming for attention to stealthily creeping into our bed at night. We have also tried everything to get him from stop waking including mattresses on the floor in our bedroom, us sleeping next to him on the floor when he was in a cot/bed, controlled crying :redface:, blankets on/off, lights on, music on, chiropractor,tiring him out with excercise/activities even a sleep school lady at our house. Despite all of that he still wakes during the night!

It has taken us a long time to get where we are today - acceptance. We dont like that he wakes during the night but we have accepted that he does and we now simply deal with it. Lucky for us for the past year he doesnt wake screaming or crying, he simply comes into our room and he will then either climb into our bed (which is subsequently very squashy as DH is 6ft5 and DS is a very long boy) and sleep with us or one of us will go back with him and sleep the night with him in his bed. Its the only way that he will sleep. We think it is a comfort thing for him as he really likes to cuddle and kiss as well.:)

I think that during the middle of the night we found that DS was too tired to listen to reasoning - actions seemed to speak louder then words. I would be inclined to perhaps try a mattress by the side of your bed for a while and see how that works. Start him off in his bed so that he knows that is where he is meant to sleep and then if he carries on let him sleep next to you. Not ideal I know but when you are desperate for sleep sometimes you will try anything.:dunno:

Anyway good luck and remember that no you are not alone!!

My 2.5yo wont go to bed til about 1.30am! She will then sleep til 10am. It's okay if it is my day off or the weekend the next day, but during the week it truly sucks. I can't get her sleep back into order again.

Have you tried a reward system as such? He may be a little young, but it is worth a shot. Anything to get a good night's sleep!

Yes - we have tried rewards, but doesn't weem to help. He doesn't really seem to remember that he even did it during the night, like he is not fully "there". I think I might put a mattress on the floor in our roon for a bit

We also have a night waker - started in September with the molars coming in and transition to bed. We would take her into the spare room with us so we could get some sleep.

It has been affecting our relationship though as one of us is always tired so we have started the process of keeping her in her room. 10 nights so far, she gets a star if she is good. We have just been taking her back to her room, the first night it did take a while before she went back to sleep, but last night when she woke she stayed in her bed rather than wander the house. We do lots of talking about her being a big girl now and we've also put a family photo next to the bed (and a night light) so she can see us in the middle of the night.

It was suggested to us about a mattress on the floor, but I was concerned that it was just creating another issue to deal with down the track. I suppose because DD was a good overnight sleeper for a while, we know she can do it. Also I'm not sure a mattress would have helped with DH and I!!

i haven't read the responses, but with my dd, she went thru a horrible bedtime stage and night waking etc at around 2.5yrs, i found it helped a lot to talk about it during the day, and to explain what was expected, and why, and what was unacceptable... for example when she goes to bed, she must stay in her room and not come out, but she is allowed to have the lamp on and read books etc until she is tired.... if she wakes in the night she is to try to go back to sleep, but if she feels she needs me, if she has had a dream etc, she can come and get me....

we talked about it alot, about being a big girl, about needing a good sleep at night so she isn't grumpy etc, and about needing to sleep in her own bed.... i found that if we spoke about it at a nuetral time during the day, then at bedtime i would go over the bedtime rules again, lots of repetition, and i would get her to repeat things in her own words as well, and ask questions and get her to answer them.... i would also explain what would happen if she did wake and call out etc... ie mummy will come in once to see that you are okay, but then the door will be shut and you need to go back to sleep..... she has understood it pretty well (still tries to play up occassionally, but she understands she's being 'naughty')... for me if she was doing it at 3.5yrs i would get tough with her, as i think that at that age they are well old enough to understand rules and what is and isn't good behaviour, but thats just me... she's never been a particularly good sleeper so as soon as she was old enough to understand what i was saying, i got fairly strict, as when she was a baby obviously i couldn't expect her to understand, but as soon as she was around 2 and could talk and understand what i was saying, then that was it for me.....

good luck, hope you find something that works....

We're up too! It is just awful being constantly tired. DD1 has been a bad sleeper since 6 months old. We have also tried everything including methods I am not proud of. So now we are also just accepting it and trying to minimise the impact for all. Depending on whether it is her screaming or just coming into us I modify the response basically to get everyone maximum sleep. This may involve jumping in with her or one of us going into her bed. I have given up beating myself up about it though AND I get a nap/sleepin once on the weekend to catch up.
DO whatever works best for you guys - it will pass eventually, but remember to be kind to yourself too.
Big :grouphug: to you all!

I reckon 2.5 is a crap age to introduce a new sibling, LOL! DD1 has been shocking since DD2 came along. I can't help but wonder if it would've been different had she been younger (and therefore not able to remember being an only child) or older (and just generally more grown up and able to understand). Her behaviour is marginally better if I make sure I pay her a large amount of attention during the day (ie when Phoebe is asleep I make sure we have some snuggle/reading time or some food/cooking or art activity together) then her behaviour for the rest of the day seems to be better after that.
The last week or so we have been experiencing some night waking with her. It's tricky because I don't know if it's to do with all the late nights we've been having over the holiday period or whether it's a new (and unwelcome!) phase in her development. She has been a great sleeper since she was around 1, and it used to be that if she woke very occasionally overnight I'd be able to go in, give her a cuddle and/or pat her bottom for a while and she would go back to sleep happily. Lately though, she has been having massive tantrums (during the day too) and will cry, scream, whinge even if I am in there with her. Basically I am just waiting until she gets tired and then sitting with her until she goes back to sleep. Not ideal, but that's how it's happening atm. It's really exhausting because DD2 wakes at least twice a night these days, so between the two of them I am not always getting any real sleep.
It's REALLY hard when you are so tired, but I always find that DD responds so much better to positive attention than negative. So my suggestion FWIW - and I am doing my darndest to stick to this myself - is to go overboard in praising him for the behaviour you like, and spend as much one on one time with him as is possible. My thinking is that we need to build up their security in themselves and our love for them so that they're not seeking us out when we want to be asleep. Hopefully the theory comes good in practice... we will see.
Just out of interest (for my benefit!), how did you go with toilet training? When did you start and how did it go/is it going?

I am very distressed about both kids now. J just slept all of 30 mins and he has already been up screaming. At the same time, E is screaming, to the point that I thought she was gooing to stop breathing. I am home alone and just going from one room to another. I can feel my anxieties rising. They are both quiet for the minute, but awake and about to start round two. Oh there goes E, screaming hysterically.

Big hugs to you, mate. Hope you are able to settle them soon. It is really hard doing bedtime on your own. Thinking of you.

Sounds like you had a tough day :comfort:
My 2 year old DS has just been through a patch of night tantrums. It was incredibly frustrating. We did find that paying any attention to him was just feeding the problem and made the tantrums last a lot longer. He would ask for cuddles which we would give, but when we tried to leave the room: more tantrums. He would ask for bottles, which were too hot/too cold/wanted a new one, then after half a dozen there would be: more tantrums. He wanted his light on/off, blankets on/off etc. Any attempt to reason/bribe him resulted in: more tantrums lol.

In the end the thing that worked for us was The Wall Of Silence. At the beginning of the wobbley, go in, make sure all is well, put him back in bed with a kiss and tell him it is time for sleep. He would most likely jump out of bed and resume screaming. Then we would just stand there. Ignore everything.Don't talk to him and don't reply. Every few minutes replace him in the bed with a kiss and tell him it is time for bed. The first few nights ran up to half an hour or more, but over the course of a week it got less and less until he stopped the night tantrums. He still gets up a couple of times each night, but at least it isn't so loud and time consuming.

Good luck, I hope you find something that works soon. I know how hard it is. :hug:

And Snacks, 2 years old seems to be a crap time to introduce a sibling too lol

Oh sweetheart, I wish I could come and help you.

DD is the same, and DS is worse. Sometimes it takes me three hours to get her to settle enough to go to sleep properly. Often she's screaming in the night - but rarely is she awake. SHe walks and talks in her sleep, so I'm guessing the tantrums are an added bonus NOT.
We do talk about it in the day, routine before bed makes no difference, neither do stars or promises.
The more I get worked up, the worse she is, so huge :grouphug: from me mate.

Is he upset when he originally wakes or does the screaming start after you leave? I guess it depends on what you feel comfortable in doing. If you go in check on him tell him its sleep time and not go back in he could soon learn that you're not playing those games but if you don't feel comfortable with letting him scream I wouldn't go for it.

Does he tell you why he is screaming and upset?

I wish I could offer more. Are they settling?

He wakes crying, likea nightmare. I am convinced he doesn't even know he is doing it half the time as he talks/cries in his sleep.
Just frustrating when they are both going for it. One I can handle

Makes it harder if its like a nightmare. Does he have quiet wind down time before bed? Maybe relaxing may help? A nightlight?