How do you know when you're ready

My DS is nearly 21 months and my dh and i have been talking about having another baby, DH would like one now and as much i want a brother or a sister for DS and for our family to grow, I am scared.
My birth was not the best with DS (long story) and i think i am scared to do it again, i also don't feel the same "burning" need to get pregnant that i did with DS. does anyone think it is because of my birth expierence and how i remember it.
I have always wanted a big family but i took a long time to recover physically after DS and i guess i'm worried about how i'll cope if it all happens again and look after two children.
I know it my next birth may be completely different but i am still worried, i have tried to talk to DH about it and he says he understands but i'm not sure he does. i feel silly for posting this but i m losing sleep over how i'm feeling, the reason i had thought i was waiting was because i am bridesmaid in my sisters wedding next month but now it's nearly here and we can start TTC i've realised I'm scared. I didn't feel like this last time so i don't know what is going on!
Has anyone else been through a similar experience and how did you know you were ready to go again?
Thanks in advance

bump :)

I cant offer any advice as I havent been where you are right now but hope someone can come in here soon to offer you their insight. :hug:

Have you told your DH how you are feeling??

:hug: It does sound as though you have some 'stuff' to work through from your last birth.
Have you thought about posting in the de-briefing section? It might be helpful to you to get it all out, talk it over...maybe it will shed some light on how you are feeling.

I do hope you can sort your feelings out soon :hug:

thanks girls for your replying
I have spoken to DH and he is very understanding but i kind of feel he doesn't "get it" i mean he was there at the birth of DS and was extremely supportive but it's the hardest thing to explain what the body goes through and how it feels,

i posted my birth story a little while back and it certainly helped, i'm wondering if that's enuogh though.

I just know i want more children and i never wanted a large gap between them but i am worrried i dont feel the same way as i did before TTC DS, i think maybe i am stressing too much

Kimmy I know exactly how you're feeling, I've just posted a thread this afternoon, I've got a few concerns including nto wanting a birth that takes 21 hours and leaves me in a bed with and epi I was forced to have that didn't work and unable to even reach my baby cause I'm paralysed.

We've jsut decided to TTC now today. I've just stopped taking the pill as off 6 hours ago and I do have my reservations but I think that I had my concerns before DS was born and look what I have now... a beautiful son!

You just need to weigh up whether you are ready yet and if you can work through what happened in the last birth take steps to try to make sure its better this time. That's what I'll be doing! Take charge.

But on the same note if you're not ready yet, then don't there would be nothing worse than regretting that you did it before you felt ready.

Hope this helps a little?

Thanks Ella, it's nice to know i'm not alone, my labour prior to 2nd stage was fine, but after that it all turned pear shape, i already know this time i will do hypno birthing and i have since got private health cover so i can get consistent care before and after my birth without having to retell my story a million times. I couldn't fault the midwives at the hossie i gave birth in it was more the doctors.

I had thought about a home birth but i haemorraged and had to be rushed to theatre so i am scared about that as well.

they second time round is easier because you know what to expect but i'm finding the fact that i know even scarier!

all advice or suggestions welcome :)

no advice hun just big hugs x

Thanks naenae

bump :)

Hi Kimmy, I felt the same way you did a few months ago.
I think it's totally normal to feel the way you do, I also had a terrible birth with my DS who has just turned 2. DS came out not breathing as he got stuck with umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. The doctors told me I have to have a c-section with the next one which I am kind of relieved in that way.
My DH and I are now more than ready to TTC again. I think it just took a few months for me to get my head around having another one. It does still scare me how im going to cope with 2 kids but I really wanted a brother or sister for him.
Maybe just wait a couple of months to have a think about it all?

sorry i am just bumping this again as i would like advice as possible :)

Aside from issues with your birth, I think it can be harder to get excited about subsequent babies. You know how much hard work it is going to be. That is certainly the case with me. Any excitement about the new baby is tempered by reservations about looking after 2 kiddies and sleep deprivation.

I am using my not so great first birth as a learning experience. I'm doing a lot of preparation and I'm hoping I can have a better birth this time.

I don't think you can recapture the experience of expecting your first baby, so if you don't feel the same excitement about TTC, I think that is normal. I also think it is normal to be scared about looking after 2 babies.

Anyway, that is just my thoughts.