16 month old screaming at night sleep- HELP please

As the title suggests we are having trouble with DD and her night sleeps. During the day you put her in her cot with the dummy and seahorse (that plays music) and she settles quietly. I have watched her and she just sings talks to herself before falling to sleep. Night time is a whole different matter.

This only used to happen when she had teeth coming through but has now progressed to every night.

She starts to scream before you even put her in her cot. Leaving her cry does my head in and takes longer to settle her down if I leave her (plus I hate hearing her cry). I used to just get her up for 10 more minutes then try again especially when she was younger and that used to work. But now when you put her in the cot she is screaming and pointing that she wants out of the room. I have tried sitting with her, rubbing her back etc but that only seems to make it worse. Her bed time has blown out from 830 to 10pm. I know part of the problem is that she is over tired and I try to start her routine as I see her tired signs (usually just before). I don't mind what time she goes to sleep, especially if it means that she has a relaxed bedtime.

Her routine (not that it works atm) is dinner, playtime, bath, quiet time with us, sippy cup of milk and cuddles before bed. We do the whole kiss daddy then she walks up to her room. Lift her into her cot and.... the screaming begins. Bedtimes are just becoming a stress and I don't want that. Especially as day sleeps are fine.

I should mention that we have tried to read to her but she throws the books away while you are trying to read.

Recent changes include her cot being moved about a foot into the corner and we dropped her last BF just before Christmas. We also go for a walk in the evenings now (because its the only time DH and I can walk together.)

I have people telling me I am too soft, going into her too quickly, let her cry it out etc. What can I do?
Please help. I am at the end of my tether and beginning to doubt myself

I have to 'shush' my DS to sleep.... so as soon as he starts to cry I start the whole 'shhhhhh' to help him to settle and then keep doing that until he goes to sleep. Just something to try and hope that you find a solution quickly.

Maybe it's separation anxiety and she's screaming in anticipation of your leaving.
Perhaps just taking a little more time for cuddles or holding her hand, or something like that...? I'm not sure. We have to lie down with DS for him to go to sleep, but I'm not sure how that works when they're in a cot.
Only other thought is that maybe she doesn' like the cot. But that doesn't explain why it's ok during the day.

Thanks for the replies.

Any other ideas?

I used to sit with DS1 until he went to sleep or was very sleepy.
Most often he fed (bottle) to sleep after 12 months, but as he got older and didnt want to go to bed I would sit on a chair next to his cot and sing to him, or pat and shush.

Our bedtime routine was a bit more simple - dinner, bath, bottle, bed
I found it a lot easier to get him to bed that way. I had no problem sitting with him til he was sleepy and it was usually 30 mins max We had lavender oil/wash in the bath as he got older too and this may have helped.

Sometimes hed be falling asleep in his high chair at dinner, then we'd skip the batha nd just have a bottle and bed.

Only take on board what advice you want to.
You only go in to her too quickly if its quicker that YOU want, not someone else. FWIW I never left either of mine to cry longer than 45-60 seconds (proper crying, grizzling I've left them but not sobbing)

If you decide to change anything in your routine, keep in mind it can take to notice a difference and three weeks for a big change but tatsh about as long as it normally takes when you are consistent in your approach.