The Terrible 2's...I need your help!

I know it's just the "terrible 2's" stage that DS is going through but i need your help!

DS is not a naughty boy, but lately, he has become a monster! He's throwing things, hitting, having tantrums in the supermarket etc.

I've tried everything i can think of to discipline him. If he gets into trouble, he throws whatever he is holding, whether it be a drink, a car, a toy, a book. He throws it anywhere but also throws it at me. Everything i ask him to do is met with "NO!"

I dont want to smack. I dont want to teach him to not be violent by being violent.

Things i've tried:

*Taking away whatever he throws. This morning it was 2 plastic chairs :o so they went outside in the rain. He didn't care. This afternoon after he threw another car, i took teddy and his 'blankin' and put them up on the tv cabinet out of his reach. He said "Put dummy up there too please" :doh:

*Getting down to his level and speaking to him calmly. No effect.

*Yelling. He yells back.

*Rewarding good behaviour when he doesn't expect it and explaining that it is because he has been such a good boy.

*Telling him if he's angry and wants to throw something or hit something, he can hit the couch, but not to throw his toys. This was met with "I DONT WANNA HIT THE COUCH!"

We've had bad days before but they are getting more frequent and im running out of ideas on how to deal with it.

It's actually really embarassing to put all of this into words because i feel like a failure. I know all toddlers go through this stage, but this is the 2nd night in a row that he has gone to bed with me being angry at him and i absolutely HATE this feeling.

If you have any ideas that i can try, please, let me know!

Maybe try diverting his attention. When he's going off look out the window and say 'wow look at the plane' or 'oh my goodness look what the dog's doing outside" my kids loved the postie so I'd ask them to look out for him etc. Maybe just gently take his hand and lead him to another activity or to check the mail box when you think he might be starting one of his tantrums.

:hug: It's such a hard age.

Thanks Tinks- It's not so much the tantrums, they dont happen very often, but i'll do what you suggested the next time he throws one at the supermarket! Seems to be the only place he does it :rolleyes:

It's more the attitude that im struggling with. Everything is "No, i dont want to do that", "No, i dont want that", "Im going to hit you", "Im going to spit at you". It's driving me crazy!

I used to get the kids involved at the supermarket, I'd ask them to choose fruit, so if I wanted apples they'd choose 2 while I chose the rest, I'd get them to choose between 2 types of biscuits and things like that. THey also liked carrying baskets (which stressed me to no end) too so maybe making the supermarket fun might work.

I don't know if this will help - but I'll tell you what Ive done!

When DD#1 is angry or about to throw a tanty I'll say "Do you need to do some stomping? Stomp your grumpies out? Its hard when youre angry isn't it?" and I have special "stomping music" (at the moment we use Gnarles Barkley "Crazy" lol)
but thats when we're at home.
When she's grumpy when we're out I'm not afraid to threaten to take her back to the car. Of course you have to be willing to go through with it! I haven't actually had to do it though. I try to make her laugh - and that seems to work with her.
:hug: its a tough age isn't it?! Hang in there, youre doing a GREAT job darl :hug:

Oh Maddisun, sending you big hugs because I know exactly what it is like. As I type, my DS (who is roughly the same age as your DS) is in bed with no dinner in his tummy. It was either smack him or put him to bed, so bed it was :wall:. Everything you are trying sounds really good. They are just so so stubborn that makes it so hard. We are using the taking items away (DS throws everything at the moment) and he doesn't give two hoots. I also reward good behaviour like you do and I am hoping it sinks in.
Don't have much advice but I just wanted to say I know what you are going through! You are doing a great job :hug:

It is hard isn't it.

I wouldn't say my DS is much of a tanti chucker, but it really throws you when he's usually really a 'Relaxy Maxy'!

One thing I did with him was tell him that when he was getting angry or frustrated with something....instead of throwing it.....to Growl like a Lion! It really helps him vent out the frustration. He occasionally will chuck things, but I hear the growl more than that :)

Also, if I have said something to him that he doesn't like, I really just make sure I explain WHY he can't do/have something rather than just a plain old 'no'. Then I will try and distract him with something else. If he carries on, I just take him away in my arms and don't say anything while he whinges and whines as to why he can't do/have something. I just repeat to him why and he eventually calms down.

Don't give up, you can do it - you are certainly no failure, you're doing what's best for your DS and that makes you an amazing Mumma!

Thanks girls for all of your replies. Thanks to you and another great thread i read tonight, i have a new plan of action tomorrow!

I feel that maybe i dont spend enough time playing with him. Although having said that, today i made a racetrack on the carpet with masking tape and he just ripped it all up because he wanted "special cars" to play with, not his other 100 that he has :rolleyes: But tomorrow i will make more of an effort to play and read and draw etc. I already do, but maybe it's not enough?

And when he misbehaves, im not going to yell, im going to speak in a calm voice and get him to look me in the eye and tell me what he has done wrong, why it is wrong, and then to apologise.

No matter how repetitive it may get, im going to stick to the "calm" plan all day!

OMG you have just written about my 2 year old DD. Subscribing for some help/tips too.

Liviam- Have you seen the sticky "Things that work"? Theres some great ideas in there :hug:

I haven't seen that thread so I might go and have a read now. Do you think they are too young to understand a sticker chart for good things?

sounds like my DD as well.

well we have ahd a break through and nmow have minimal to no tantrums and are abel to reason with her :d

we did time out.
if she was not doing as she was asked or just being angry or rude we took her to her room and closed the door for 2 min.
then went in asked her to say sorry and toldher whats he w=did wasnt nice and mummy and daddy bdont like that behaviour etc

and as soon as she did it again we would say " do you want to go bakc to your room?" usually get a no answer so we say " well be nice and listen to mummy and daddy please" this usually works.

she was going to her room 3-4 times a day and now i havent sent her to her room for 5 days :D

we also changed her diet, we took anything containing colourings and some acids out and restricted ehr to milk water and watered down apple juice as well seems to of helped..

not sure if it relavant but my son went thru the same thing at about the same age it was so frustrating I almost tried to get him in daycare and if your knew me you would know things were real bad to consider daycare :lol:

anyway my question has he started eating or drinking anything that he hadn't had before juice, cordial, cheerios anything, because Jack had started being allowed a smalll weak cordial as a treat turns out he has a reaction to preservative 223 which is found in all cordials ( I am yet to find one without) a lot of juice, processed meats, cheerios (little boys) etc... once we stopped those foods my gentle happy calm Jack returned

anyway just something to mull over

:hug:

Oh Rach, you just may be on to something! DS has been having a lot of (packaged) ham lately, it's his new favourite thing! Also, every time i go to the milk bar, petrol station etc he has a "Cars" juice. Both the ham and the juice contain preservative 223... hmmmmmm.

Yesterday was a bit better. I stayed a lot calmer. Until he pelted me in the face from 5cm away with a toy! Then he was in trouble. But afterwards, i made him tell me why he was in trouble, why it's wrong and to say sorry. He actually came up to me first and said "Sorry Mummy" and i got down on his level and said "Why are you sorry?" I had to help him a little, but he got there in the end!

Im going to keep an eye out for that preservative and see if his behaviour (attitude!) adjusts by reducing it!

You are doing such a great job and your little man absolutely knows how to 'push your buttons' :hug:

There have been some great things mentioned and hopefully with trying a few new things on him in time you will see a bit of a change and not feel like you are constantly being tested by him.

All i can think of is to start giving him some things that will challenge him. Some things you can do together, puzzles, playdoh, drawing, reading stories. I think you'll find he's at a new age where he's realising he's is capable of much more (annoying mum being 1 of them). Give him some new 'big boy' stuff to do. DS1 got to the age where he wanted me playing there beside him constantly, i would do this but just fade away sometimes so he was also playing on his own. THen come back without him having to act up to get you there and praise him for playing so well. You may try lots of these things with no results but then one day you may just get some. Mix the play times up during the day a bit, maybe put some toys away so you can bring them out at a later date and he'll be really enthused by them, like getting a new toy. If i think of any more i'll let you know.

The food thing is so frustrating because it's not as if we need any extra challenges with regards to behaviour do we!? But that can definately be the case and cause sometimes.

I also love the suggestions of getting him to realise when he's angry and getting him to direct it else where, like stomping feet, growling ect... That's such a great tool to teach them.

Good luck you are amazing and hopefully you'll be distracting DS away from what you've been experiencing these last few days in no time. Sorry i wasn't any extra help the other night :D:hug:

Myboys- You WERE a help the other night :hug: He's just a bit too clever sometimes ;)

man those cars juices are the worst :lol: and yeah packaged ham, salami, kabana, cheerios, took about a week none of the stuff till we saw the old jack