The Hard Road...

Hi, My name is Mark and I've returned to BB after a long absence (previously Mark&Jess). Things have changed a lot in the past 12 months. So here is my story...

I met the mother of my children (Jess) about 7 years ago, we grew close quickly and fell in love. Some time passed and we fell pregnant with our daughter Kristanna, which was a welcome, yet unexpected surprise for us both. J experienced some difficulty after the birth of K, complications from the caesarian and depression brought on by lack of sleep and lack of support (we were living away fom family and friends at the time). We moved home, things got better. 2 years later and along came number 2, Damon. All went swimmingly for a while and we got married when D was 6 months old. Within weeks of getting married J started talking about missing her home (Melbourne) and wanting to go back. I really felt like we were starting to travel in different directions. She seemed distant and I started feeling like I was drifting away from her.
Fast forward through 12 months of slowly realising our relationship was drifting apart and we find out that number 3 is on the way. This was met with mixed emotions by us both. We were both overjoyed at the prospect of another baby, but at the same time we both new that the relationship wasn't going to last. There was no anger, no fighting... we were good friends but wanted our lives to go in different ways.

Very soon after Hunter was born we started talking about "us". The decision to separate was a mutual one, we thought it better to do it 'now' and do it properly, rather than staying together for the kids and ending up hating each other. So when H was 2 months old we put the plan in motion and J moved out. We agreed on 50/50 shared care for the kids and put some extra care and attention into ensuring the transition was smooth for them. They seem to have come through quite well, and are all thriving and happy.

Enter M into the picture. M is a longtime friend of mine, someone I have always considered to be my best friend. Something that caused some bouts of jealousy with J over time, but as far as I was concerned wasn't an issue. M was happily married and I was married. Nothing more would ever happen. At the same time my relationship was falling apart, I frequently turned to M as a listening post... she was very supportive and confided in me that she was unhappy in what i thought was a "perfect" marriage. Over months we came to realise that we felt more than friendship for each other. She went through a separation with her husband about the same time I was going through my separation. In the months since we have become incredibly close and have been officially in a relationship now for the past 4 months.

J is ok with M and I, with the exception (perfectly understandable) that the kids don't call M mum. Overall things have been fairly smooth. But, in the past month or so J has been doing it tough. She had to leave the share house she was in, as housemates didn't pay rent and they ended up being evicted. J was left with a huge debt to the real estate to fix, and had no option for accommodation than to move in with her mum. J and her mum don't get along too well, and the situation is stressed most of the time. There are drugs (pot) in the house and I am generally uncomfortable with the arrangement. J is working towards getting a place of her own, she has now paid of the real estate debt and is in the clear. She's on the crisis list for housing with the Housing Dept, which could of course take weeks, months or years to find something. In the meantime she is searching for a flat to rent. Hopefully things will come together for her soon.

So 2009 was a turbulent and difficult year for us. The arrival of a new baby and the breakdown of a marriage. My trying to adjust to working full time whilst having the kids every weekend (7 nights per fortnight) and starting a new relationship. It has been a very up and down time, an emotional rollercoaster. But somehow I have managed to make it to 2010 still smiling and positive for the future. My daughter starts Prep next week, which is an exciting time.

Welcome (back) to BB :lol:

Sorry to hear 2009 was a tough one, here's hoping 2010 is better!

Hope your XW finds a place soon!

& goodluck to your DD in prep!

hi and welcome back to bb. i really hope 2010 is a great year for you and your little ones...and that your XW finds somewhere soon xox

Hi there, welcome back to BB :)

Thank you for sharing your story, wishing you all the best in 2010 with dealing with all the changes, your new relationship and DD starting school.

As you know BB is great for advice and just venting so you will find all the support you need.

Hope to see you around :)