I want my angel-boy back!

Please help!

My mother asked if DS could stay at her house for a week. DS was happy with that too. So DH and I agreed to it. Quite nice to get a full night's sleep. (Did get told off by my mother for not going out every night... we have no money, how could we? We have this thing called a mortgage, you know, the sort of thing that people who buy their own houses have.)

He was there a week, and seemed to be doing OK (I called every night).

Since he has come home (2 weeks ago), he laughs in my face if I tell him off, he hits me in the throat, kicks, tantrums for his own way, demands to watch violent films (OK, Shrek, but that's more than violent enough!)... he's like a normal toddler! He was an angel-boy who asked to help with chores, was polite, respectful, considerate, only had mild tantrums when tired, could explain why he did things in time-in: the sort of child that gentle parenting is supposed to produce. Also, he has been randomly attacking children at Nursery. Pulling hair at the roots. Scratching and drawing blood. Nearly taking another child's eye out. Hitting with toys. Kicking. Laughing at being told off and refusing to do as he is told. Not saying sorry.

Tonight, I let him tantrum for over half an hour because he wanted a drink at nursery and not the one I gave him when we got home. When he calmed down he had his drink at home. I let him help me cook dinner (he loves "cooking" which tonight was stirring the baked beans), he told me his meal was "yummy" and did "cheers" with me, he didn't get down from the table until he told me he had finished, and he volunteered to take his plate away (although I did that, as last time he did it he dropped both our plates by accident and cried because it made a loud noise), he came to the bath on my request (I gave him warnings), we read books and agreed it's not nice to hurt people... so I sort of had him back tonight. I also let him tantrum this morning that he wasn't going to work when we dropped DH off: I did feel bad about that because I had told him we were going to Daddy's work to drop him off, but DS was so excited to see Daddy Work that he didn't realise we weren't going too.

He has been a bit obsessed with Daddy being cross with him, and me being cross. He can't tell me why. Daddy has smacked him a couple of times, which I disagree with (how does smacking tell DS violence is not OK?), but otherwise we've tried to do the routine and discipline as normal, thinking that the week at Mum's disrupted Liebling too much.

Any suggestions? I've taken him out of Nursery tomorrow and he'll just have to hang with me all day (and visit the Uni with me - lucky I'm not in the labs!) and we'll chat about feelings. We've been reading books like Ouch! I need a plaster and kissing the children who are hurt (have been hurt by someone in tonight's version).

DS is three in two weeks - but his other chums who are 1 and 2 months older than him aren't going through this. They're lovely children who play nicely with each other and me.

eta - I told Nursery I wasn't going to attack Liebs back when they suggested it, but reminded them it was legal for them to restrain DS if he hurts/is going to hurt someone. They didn't quite believe me so I said I'd write a note to say it is OK with me if they hold him back and/or pick him up and put him in an empty cot so he can't harm others. They're quite a gentle centre so I'm not worried about them just leaving him to it. But I would like gentle answers for me... though I suspect I'm doing all I can sometimes! Any other ideas very welcome.

Argh! How annoying...I reckon it may just be him checking his boundaries with you after a period away, so keep at it and in no time he'll be back to normal. It must be kind of confusing to go away for a while and come back - regardless of what happens elsewhere, does that make sense? Stand firm and he'll slot back into your routine in no time.
BTW - Good job LZ, my 3.5 yo is pushing all boundaries, buttons atm....Liebs sounds like a delight!

My 3.5year old DD has always been a child to have good-manners & to never speak rudely (as good as a 3.5 year old gets i think, lol ;)) ... and then the last month she has started speaking to DP & i in a rude manner which shocks us both ... All we can do is persist on everytime she does it we address her about it asap and let her know it's wrong and not right to speak in such a manner to us or anyone else.

The only advice i have for you " LZ " is to do the same but i'm guessing you already are (so i'm probably of not much help sorry) !!

Fingers crossed for us ' all ' (* sigh *) :crossfingers:

Just to add to this...

I spent a day completely focussed on DS and sod work/housework. What came out of that is:
- DS thinks that DH and I are cross with him for leaving him with Mum.
- Mum let DS run riot, laughed at rude and mean behaviour and had no boundaries generally.
- Something is making DS angry, but he can't describe what or why he feels like this randomly.
- He's too bright for his own good.

So, on the day we had together, he put toys away, was polite, helped me clear up after a meal, kissed the children who were poorly in his books, was very affectionate, apologised if I told him off, played with me and on his own. He did a new 60-piece jigsaw puzzle on his own. We played hide-and-seek. We had fun.

He's still not being perfect at Nursery. But he isn't trying there: apparently they're telling me he can't count! I think not, he can count to 12 and I'm starting to think he can read, even if he doesn't do the phonics there. As in - he read the first few lines of The Gruffalo to me. Word-perfect. He's only been hearing this once a day for a week, that's not enough time to learn that by heart. And he recognises books he hasn't read for a year by their spine, not the picture on the front. Probably my imagination though. Or he has inherited my memory skills. He also plays for hours on his own... I think he is taking after me and is just upset when other children invade his space/imagination. I felt like that when I was younger: it's my game, I made it up, you stop trying to play it with me!

Going to work on the anger management this weekend, and letting him know how much we love him. But he's been a lot better since that day together working on it.

Also going to work on his reading words and see if that's causing frustration.

I'm glad things are starting to improve Ryn. It sounds like he has really struggled after getting out of routine? My DS1 can be a bit like that, although he has gotten better with age. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to get him back on track. Spending that quality time with him sounds like it has worked well for you both :).

My DS1 never did the "terrible twos", but when he hit three his behaviour went pretty bad. In the end I started a rewards chart for good behaviour. It was actually more for me than for him, it stopped me from focusing on the negatives (i.e - telling him off constantly) and I focused on the positives instead. This made a huge difference in his behaviour.

It sounds to me like you are doing a great job Ryn, I hope your DS continues to improve and go back to his angel-boy ways :hug:.