bad habits - is it too late?

We have gotten our 10 month old into some bad habits that i am really keen to break!

My question is, is it too late? Is a 10 month old so stuck in her ways that she cannot be changed into some kind of new struture?

She will not fall asleep unless she is on the breast...no matter how many times she wakes up overnight (could be 2, could be 5 or 6!), she has to have the breast to go back down...nothing else will do..she has always refused a dummy, and she has also never taken a bottle (even with EBM)..Dh has tried to settle her back to sleep but there is not way she will settle until we give in and put her back on...occasionally if we put her in the pram and rock her she will go back to sleep but i dont like to do this as i dont want her sleeping in the pram all night....

She seems to be terrifed of her cot... even if she is ast asleep and i transfer her there, she wakes up in hysterics...let alone trying to put her in awake! She has never really learnt to fall asleep on her own in there.... We have just come back from an overseas holiday where she slept in the bed with us, and so since we have come back, she just will not go in there at all...i used to be ok with putting her in there and letting her cry a bit, but she has learnt to stand up now, but can get herself back down, so i cant just leave her!!!

Any tips that have worked for you would be greatly appreciated!

I'd say neither of you are in bad habits - she needs security and asks for it, you provide it. Asking for help means she's secure in your love: what a wonderful habit to be in!

Is it possible to co-sleep, all of you in one bed? I know that Liebs needed co-sleeping and when he was feeding to sleep then it was so easy to latch him on and go back to sleep, often before he did.

If you want to stop night feeding, I'd look at how you settle her during the day. Not to sleep - just to stop crying. If a particular song works, or she likes being patted, do that to calm her at night. You can also start singing a lullaby when she starts drifting off - that way the lullaby (or CD) is associated with sleep for the future. I had a CD on loop all night for DS: it did help him re-settle when he wasn't feeling too ill.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

My children always fell asleep better on the breast, and I was happy for them to come into bed with us once awake because it made us all have a better night sleep. My girls did that for around a year and then slowly weaned themselves off sleeping with us. We still have DD3 once in a while come in if she's had a bad dream or is sick, but its more often than not that she sleeps in her bed. She gradually worked her way to her bed once she had a big bed, she has always seen going to bed as something that is done with a cuddle and murmurs of love.... and that is how I think she should like going to bed :D

Its exhausting and I can't give you a "fix" when you are tired and want more sleep... my only fix was to bring them to bed with me ;)

DD was the same alwasy feeding to sleep (now 16mths) and after trying a few different things they nearly all eded with both of us in tears so I just went with the flow and stayed with feeding to sleep.

The one and only thing that did work was with her morning sleep (that was also a feed to sleep) I'd feed her a little earlier when she was active still and then take her walking in the pram and she'd happily doze off there without a whimper. That at least gave me one sleep in a 24hrs period without feeling like I was the human dummy. And I also got some exercise!

At about 13mths I started to get her to have formula out of a sippy bottle (we still bfeed AM & PM) and she now has that at lunch and dinner and in the last 2wks the middle of the night - prior to this I was bfeeding at night as well.

We started co-sleeping at approx 8mths when she was sick (gastro) and went off solids and was feeding bfeeding 2hrly around the clock!! Co-sleeping was the only way to cope and we've continued with this. It also means if she stirs (tries to stand etc) that a quick pat, gentle 'mumma's here' whisper and she drops back off to sleep.

I also remember reading that the separation anxiety hits at about 9mths and slowly tapers off as they move towards 18mths so that may also be impacting on her need for security. I know for us at 16mths we are now noticing huge changes in her level of independance and confidence.

Like the others I don't think its bad habits, but rather a development stage that will change over time. Its hard at the time but it will get better. :hug:

All of the above... she just wants your comfort & cuddles, and it will get better with time.

My DS2 was Bf until 14 months, he was the same - feed to sleep, refused a dummy or bottle, didn't want anything but breast. We co-slept most of that time, after 14 months I had had enough of broken sleep & succumbed to advice from the MCHN to wean & used a CC routine to get him sleeping on his own.

I hated it, it didn't work (well he did wean :rolleyes: but it was months still before he slept through) and now I so regret not having just given him time, which was clearly what he needed - given that nothing we did worked, but he settled in his own bed, in his own time.
Had I known then what I know now ... I would have just left it alone & let it sort itself out.

That's just me & my experience, and I wish you the best with whatever you decide to do :hug: I know how frustrating it can be.

No bad habits :hug: She's telling you what she needs and your are responding. In time she'll no longer need the breast and happily sleep by herself. Sometimes there are things you can do to help this process along (Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution has some good ideas), but when it's really intractable it's because this is what they really need.

Separation anxiety is often strong at this age - maybe give it a little time. Is co-sleeping a no-go for you? We've done it on and off, part time (as and when necessary) since DS was 8 months old. He won't sleep in a cot, but sleeps in a mattress on the floor (usually by himself, but sometimes he needs us).

Is she teething? Learning to crawl/walk or reaching other developmental milestones? These sorts of things all tend to disrupt sleep and make babies seek out comfort and reassurance more.

All the best~~

It's probably not too late but you'll need to do it slowly and with lots of love.

Maybe start by making the cot a fun place, play games through the bars, blow kisses read stories, don't even start making it about sleep.

Once she sees it as a comfortable place with lots of fun, start putting her down for a nap. I think, if you can handle it, you need to stick with your decision. If you change location in the middle you're just confusing the issue.

If she won't go down, just get her up. Start with the nap you can most afford to lose, maybe the morning one and then she will wipe out when you go down with her later.

Personally I have never coslept with my son, far too paranoid as I have sleep apnoea, am oveweight and my husband has MS and sleep walks, waves his arms around etc. But I use to cuddle DS in my arms for his naps and went through a similar thing at about 12 months where he just wasn't getting the rest he needs in my arms.

good luck hon, worse case scenario you're together in bed for a lot longer and that is quite lovely too!

Hi Tina_K,
After replying earlier today I recalled a website that I read that was very helpful and may assist in the night feeding (but not co-sleeping) issues you are having.

It is by a US paediatrician Dr Jay Gordon who is very supportive of attachment parenting inc co-sleeping. However he is pragmatic and recognises that at some point you may want or need to change the status quo. if you google "dr jay gordon night weaning" you should get his article on changing sleep patterns - but its actually about changing night feeds from memory.

Its been several months since I read it, but we implemented some of his strategies and while we still co-sleep, I went from 3-5 feeds at night to 1 feed in just 3 days. Have a read and if you have ?'s as to what we did I'm happy to try and answer them.

take care