My first Chem Preg :(

It all started on 7th Jan 2010, I was 13dpo. I got a very very faint positive on a HPT, but didn't really think much about it as it was so faint that it was almost non-existant.
On the 8th I did two more HPT's... one was a faint positive, the other was negative.
On the 9th AF was day late, and I started to get hopeful (as it has always arrived right on 14dpo without fail). I did another HPT and it was negative. I was gutted. It was also the night of my Hens night, and I had planned on not drinking as DH and I were TTC .
Around 8pm that night AF turned up, just spotting, but I was so gutted I ended up drinking a lot.
The next day I passed a few small pink/greyish fleshy bits, but didn't think anything of it either. AF was still just spotting for the rest of the day.
Day 3 of AF was heavier, but still very light, and the same with day 4, and day 5 was just a bit of spotting and it was over by 3pm. I am one of those people who always has a very heavy AF lasting 7 days, using up a couple of pads a day. I didn't use more than 2 pads while it was a light flow, and the second was only because the first decided to start falling apart.
I had minimal cramping, my first cycle without it and without PMS.

Three days ago I found the HPT I had used for that faint positive, and the line was darker, still faint but definately noticable.

Now at least I know what it's like to have a chemical pregnancy, I've helped so many others who have been thorugh it, but never experienced it myself.

I am so gutted, and feel so down as I was smoking while that little angel was starting to form and deep down I know that smoking had some influence on the way it ended.

I haven't told DH... he'd want to see the test and I threw it out about an hour after I found it again as I just couldn't stand to look at it and see what might have been.

I can't even cry anymore, and I want to so badly, but I shed all my tears late that night on the 9th, and again on the 21st (the 5yr anniversary of my first angel).

I'm hoping that this cycle will bring our sticky bubba but I'm not very hopeful. I O'd late, possibly because of the chem preg.

Thanks all for reading, I just needed to get it all out.

Aw hun :hug:

I'm sorry :( Don't blame yourself for smoking, or drinking, you just don't know what happened. You might not ever know, so you might as well spare yourself the guilt.

Lots of love to you!

I'm so sorry for your loss :hug:
Rach xx

i'm so sorry for your loss :hug:

Hi Jen, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Take some thime for yourself to grieve. Big hugs to you
Melissa x o

How're you going today?

:comfort: sorry to hear this has happened to you. I know how you feel as I have experienced that too. It's very sad & so disappointing isnt' it? I wish you every success for that sticky BFP in the near future.
Take care of yourself.... xx

Thank you everyone. I told DH yesterday, we had a good talk about it, I had a big cry too. So now we're looking forward to this cycle - 8 days left until AF is due and I can test again. I have to focus on the positives, or I'll start crying again.
Thank you again everyone, it truly means a lot to me.

Oh no :( I'm so sorry for your loss :hug:

I am sorry to hear of your loss, my thoughts are with you.

Oh hun I am really sorry for the loss of your angel xxx

I'm sorry for your loss :hug: