9yo wont or cant share.. doing my head in

ok not sure if this si the right place or not

i have been thinking about this for the last few weeks.

im sick of it.
my 9YO just cant seem to share, he doesnt understand what sharing is.
when i asked him what he thought it meant he said
" give what ever they want to them and forget i ever had it"
um no hunny sharing is to give something to someone for them to use for a period of time or breaking your biscut in half and giving them half.

i didnt know how to explain it any better.

but everytime he is asked to share or get something for his sister its an issue the tantrum starts and he throws his head sighs and goes on about it

the latest was this morning, he couldnt even share the sunscreen with his sister who has to put it on as well.
he cant let her help him unpack the dishwasher, she cant touch anything which may of been his in a previous life. yet he is happy to play with her toys without asking, get himself a drink without offering anyone else one, eat a paket of chips and not offer, yet if sonmeone else got a drink or chips or anything and didn't offer it to him he would loose it and go on about who eh always misses out

im over him being selfish im sick of constantly saying and one for taylah or share that polease or let her have a go its not your toy etc etc

how do you teach kids to share?
please i need help

yes i understand he doesnt need to or have to share everything and we enforce that when know what his special things are and we back him up if he says no to DD but he goes as far as to say no when he is playing teh computer at nan and pops and makes everything out to be his when infact it isnt..


HELP please.....

I'd start off small - like playing games together which require turn-taking. Perhaps get a fun timer that he can set himself when his turn on the computer starts and let him know when the timer goes off in 10 minutes (or however long you choose), it's someone else's turn.

If it's ever a sharing situation over food (like snacks etc), we usually have the "one divide the other choose" approach. So one splits the snacks onto two plates, and the other gets first choice.

And another easy thing to do is make sure the adults in his life always share - and point it out.... share the jobs, share the tv, share the books, share the last piece of chocolate etc.

:hug: and I've found consistency is always helpful too. So whatever tactics you decide to try, share them with Nan and Pop so they can do the same.

thanx

we (hubby and me) always share, we share with him and with Dd and point it out as we do it.

Dd is only 2 so hard for ehr to divide it up, so i usually give them both the same or ask him to grab a packet out for tay.

the timer is a good idea.

its more over property though im finding. he leans on tays arm rest in the car which is on her car seat, and gets cranky at her if she asks him to get off it. he has enough room to not need to lean on her arm rest. we even resorted to sitting him in teh boot in the fold down seat so they couldn't argue over him using it..

will definantly try the timer thing though thank you

On my recent visit to my sisters place, we both wanted to teach our 3yo boys to share and figured with each other was a good start. At first I tried with Harrys lightning McQueens as he has 2.. This did NOT go down well with Harry, but Jubei didnt mind and even went and got his remote control Roary to try and make Harry feel better. It did work to an extent when Jei shared something after harry was forced to share. But it wasnt the answer.

What we wanted to get was something that was fun but NEEDS 2 people to work. Failing that we got them both a thomas train set and they set them up together and were playing happily together on their section. Unfortunately I had to come home and living over 10 hours away I can't go back randomly to keep it up, but I really felt like we had broken through there because not only wasy Jubei happy to play - but Harry actually set them both up together, then took Jei's Thomas train to him and ASKED him to come play on the set up with him.

I am not 100% sure what you can get that requires 2 people to make it work that is super fun that is suitible for an 9yo and 2yo, but I hope it gives you some ideas.

i have tried with teh trampolene as tehy both love it but cody just wont stop when eh si asked to let tay have a go but tay stops as soon as she is asked.

tried water slide thingo in back yard. nope cody just said no my turn she is to little etc.

tried painting and craft stuff and getting them to share the equipment cody loves drawing and art and so does tay, nope he si possesive over my craft stuff which I have lent them..

he is even possesive over the dishwasher, the toilet will only use teh laundry one and will tell tay to get out so he can go ( trying to TT tay at the moment sooo not helping )

i totally lost it with him this morning and told him to just be the kid for once and stop trying to be the parent, he couldnt wait 1 minute for me to finish on teh toilet to coem and get tay he had to pick her up and throw her out of his room. i was tired sick adn grumpy and i lost it big time i have neevr yelled so much
but this arvo he shared nicely played nicely, even asked tay if she would like some cheese when he got himself some, so i praised that great behaviour and sai how happy it made everyone so lets see if it continues.

Sometimes, you just need to say it loud enough! LOL

Absolutely, tossing her out of his room is that one step too far. The line needs to be drawn, even if you had to yell it. He is certainly old enough to understand.

Miss A gets like this too. I truly believe that some children resent their siblings existing. That they would have been an extremely happy Only Child. I have a sibling and a daughter that I fully believe that this is part of their problem. More than happy to use what their sibling has under the belief that if they didnt have that sibling, it would be theirs anyway.

I am hoping that you have had a breakthrough with Cody.