My baby would have been born this week

Hi there, I'm new to this site so forgive me for not using all the acronyms that I have seen in other posts! I'm sure i'll pick them up eventually.

I miscarried at 12 weeks back in July of 2009 and our due date was Australia day (just gone). Although in hindsight I know that I have suffered from the loss I feel I had been coping better over the last few months. The impending DD was always hovering in the back of my mind, however, but I had no idea I would feel the way I do right now! I am stricken. I have had one other miscarriage, though when that baby was due I was six months pregnant with my boy so the pain was somewhat softened. This time I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach with a steel capped boot and am wondering how long I am going to feel like this.

I think that my SIL being pregnant may have something to do with my heightened anxiety. She is due in March and I have struggled to deal with her being pregnant for most of the last 6 months. I feel like a cow. I am really trying to be happy for her but I feel so torn up with jealousy at the moment. Perhaps when the baby comes i will feel better...maybe it's all the anticipation that is the problem. My partner's family have avoided the subject of my MC which has been very painful. I think that people's lack of acknowledgment for the baby, the life that was lost, sucks. My mum died when I was two and my mother-in-law is distant and avoids "emotional" topics. You ladies are now copping it in lieu of an adequate maternal figure!

I have just blurted out what is going through my head, I'm sorry for how disjointed it must sound...

Any words would be truly appreciated.

Welcome to BB. I'm so sorry for your loss :hug:.

Regards,
Dianne
Emmanuel born sleeping @24wks
Trisomy 13

I have no words yet sweets, my own loss still so very new, but you will find a wonderful caring support here.....unfortunatly we have many here that have gone through the same thing.....

:hug::hug: my thoughts are with you and your precious angel sweets......

i know exactly how u feel, i have had 2 miscarriages in 6 months and was laying in bed this morning and realized that my first due date would have been next month and it almost killed me to think that i could be 8 months pregnant.

as for ur sil being pregnant the day i lost my latest baby the closet person to my at work rang me to tell me she was pregnant with her first after her 2nd month of trying, it broke my heart and i honestly cannot be happy for her right not coz even the thougth of her joy rips my heart to shreds.

you will get thru this we all do take ur time and dont hold ur feelings back, i have learnt that life is too short to let ill feelings rest.

take care and many :hug: for u

:hug: I am so so sorry for your loss hun. That day (before and beyond) is such a horrible and heart wrenching time. :comfort:

You are certainly not a cow for feeling the way you do about your SIL's baby, it is such a hard and emotional thing to watch other people around you concieve and hold their babies when your heart is so heavy.

My thoughts are with you x


Lily Dust

ZeeBee, welcome to BB. There are so many women here who have been through similar experiences and who are very loving and supportive - I hope you find some of what you are missing here.

I'm so sorry for your loss and for the grief you are feeling right now. I think about our DD often (it is more than half a year away and it is on my mind constantly) so reading your post really hit me how hard it is going to be. It must be doubly hard being near when your SIL is due - that is going to hurt, no doubt about it. Not having your own MC acknowledged is v. painful, especially as you don't have your mum with you to talk to. :hug::hug:

I have had times before when it has been really hard to be happy for those close to me having babies. My brother split from my beautiful SIL five years ago and his new partner is not easy to get along with. She fell pregnant at 44 on IVF - first go. They told me the night before my 40th birthday and it totally gutted me. On the phone I was as happy as I could muster up and when I put it down, I howled for hours afterwards. You are right though - when you meet this little one, your heart will melt and it will be ALOT easier. I didn't see my new SIL at all while she was pregnant (helped they live in another state) - only after my niece was born. It is still hard at times, and especially recently, but having the baby around in person really helped me to focus it differently.

Have you planned something for your DD? Might be nice to do something for you to remember the day together and maybe to think about where you'd like to be, who you would like to have around you at that time, and what might be comforting. One of the ladies here told me about the different types of commemorative jewellery you can find online and I'm waiting now for something to arrive. It will be comforting to wear and a reminder that your loss is real and that your little one will always be missed. Something to think about anyway.

Take care

Alice x

[sorry remembered your DD was 26th of Jan but maybe you might still like to think of doing something as it is still this week?]

ZeeBee I am very sorry for you loss.

Similarly my SIL has a due date of 3 weeks after when my baby would have been due. I'm not quite sure how to deal with it, it is terribly upsetting to think they will be having their 2nd child when mine is gone. So (sheepishly) I admit that I have had similar thoughts & feel horrible for thinking that way too.

But I won't beat myself up about it & you shouldn't either. Your grief is your own, so you do or feel whatever you need to to get through it & move forward when YOU feel ready. And remember that there are so many people in here that have experienced something similar & are willing to lend a sholdour or an ear (well actually I spose its our eyes that we lend?). :hug:

how are you going hon? You haven't posted again?