12mth old REALLY fights going to sleep

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum, so 'hello'!

My DS is 2 weeks off being 12 months old. He is incredibly active, verging on hyperactive at times! He has just started walking, is very 'chatty' and extremely 'busy'.

The problem is...he is a NIGHTMARE to get to sleep (day and night). He is still breastfed (usually loooves the boob) and has basically almost always been fed or rocked to sleep (have tried NCSS techniques, but we can't get past being fed to 'drowsy' state and rocked to almost asleep, then into cot). During the day, I also use the pram or the car to get him to sleep!

Despite having a bedtime routine, I CANNOT get him to 'wind down'. He just gets really hyperactive and progressively more overtired (usually is still v happy despite being red eyed from tiredness). He sometimes gets sleepy during books, yawns, I feed him, then all of a sudden, he sits bolt upright, laughing, excited, very happy and ready to play (although clearly overtired??). Its like the milk gives him more fuel to keep going??

I've tried putting him down at first signs of tiredness. Doesn't seem to work. Tried waiting till he is really tired. That doesn't seem to work either.:wall:

Most of the time I have to try 2 or 3 times to get him down (30-60 mins between attempts). Bedtime ended up being 10pm at one stage.

I'm trying him on only one day sleep at the moment and that helps in an earlier bedtime, yet it is still very difficult. He then wakes on average every 3 hours during the night - I feed him, then rock (just a few mins usually).

I'm tired. I constantly stress about how to get him to nap and sleep. I dread bedtime. I'm paranoid that everyone thinks I've created my own monster because I refuse to CIO and because I'm still feeding him so frequently. I'm doubting myself and my ability. To be honest, I'm feeling a bit 'trapped' as I am not going to budge on letting him cry, yet, I'd really like to NOT spend my whole existence trying to get him to sleep! I don't know what to do next.

Any suggestions, explanations or just words of support would be much appreciated!

Thank you!

Hello and welcome! I read your post last night, and at midnight, I was still trying to get my little man to sleep. I tried cc with my daughter, but didn't like it, so am avoiding it with my boy. He too feeds to sleep, and this worked great, when he would stay asleep when I would put him down, but generally, he now wakes as soon as I try to put him down. I hear you on the car for getting to sleep!

I don't know if the milk is giving your DS the extra energy to keep going as you say, but I would think it better to give him milk and keep his little tummy more satisfied through the night, so at least he doesn't wake hungry.

The only thing I can suggest (and I am sorry that it is very little), is a relaxing bath for him just before his bedtime (whatever time you decide to work that at the moment, even if it is a bit 'late', you can slowly work on making it earlier). J&J have a lavender baby night time bath, and I am sure there are others out there, or even better if you added your own essential oils.

:hug: I stressed for ages on not being able to get my kids to sleep, and thought that it would be as simple that 'when they are tired they will go to sleep', but that didn't happen. Don't be paranoid about what other people think, you are doing a great job, and trying different things. Sorry, I don't know what CIO is (I struggle with lots of the abbreviations :redface:). Don't doubt yourself, I know its hard, but you can do it.

I'm really sorry I haven't been able to offer much help (if any), but I just wanted to give you a bit of positive support, and let you know that you are not alone with these struggles. BB (BellyBelly) is a really supportive place, and I hope you like here as much as I do (I get in trouble from my Man about spending too much time on here :D). Welcome again, and :comfort:, you'll get there.

Thanks Netix for you welcome and words of support! :D

He does have a bath as part of the bedtime routine - it almost seems to wake him up more and make him more hyperactive!?

The last couple of nights he has started biting me when I try to feed him to sleep...Not pleasant. I've resorted to sitting on the couch with him on my lap, tickling his face whilst we watch TV - seems to calm him down and is how I've got him to a 'sleepy' state the last couple of nights (I always thought TV was a cardinal sin before bedtime??). I've then been able to 'bounce' him to sleep on the fit ball in his room.

How do you cope with the 'getting to sleep' difficulties with mulitple kids?? I often think that I would not be able to do what I do if I had more than one baby???

Thanks again for your support.

No advice sorry! Just want to say I feel your pain. I think the fun is just beginning for us too. The last two nights I have been chasing him around the house at bedtime. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. DS has also just started walking, do you think that has something to do with it?? Oh and he also has separation anxiety atm..

We breastfeed to sleep too..once I can pin him down! That sounds terrible doesn't it?

Welcome to BB!

Hey, that's okay, anytime. Well, the time that I can get to reply anyway! I read your reply earlier today, but didn't have time to post. And now, I have *just* put Ryan down, replied to a pm, and now I am replying to you. At 10.38 at night. :rolleyes: I don't know how I cope with the struggle of getting more than one to sleep (or the struggles of more than one for getting anything done). I just do. I *guess* lots of Mums are the same; we just do what it is that needs doing. As much planning and forethought that I have about how my day (actually, forget "day", just any "going to do anything" event, like "going to .... somewhere") will go, it never quite happens that way. Like I have a mental plan of what to do to get the three of us ready to leave the house, and something always gets added (either by the kids/I remember something/or phone call or email problem to solve for work). Normally right before we are about to walk out the door!

Ooops, sorry about the babble on there!

Hmm, bathtime... Steph was a bit of a terror about having baths at bedtime too, so I would give her a bath earlier in the day (and not very often :dunno:). Maybe try giving DS a bath in the morning?

:doh: Ryan awake! Be back tomorrow!

hi attc, I have am new to BB too (although have been reading it for ages).

You poor thing, that sounds like very hard work. My DS is 15 months old and has also always been rocked, fed, bounced etc to sleep. We have had times when he has been really really hard to get to sleep and it is so so frustrating so I feel your pain.

Anyway I just wanted to let you know that for some miraculous reason my DS has suddenly started to accept being put into his cot after bf and story and being patted and sung to sleep. We have a big cot and I generally get into the cot with him to pat him so I don't have to lean over. I really don't know why or how this change happened so perhaps it is not that helpful for you. But I do think it shows using gentle methods to help your bub sleep does not mean that you will always be bouncing them - I think they do learn and change at their own pace, and hopefully they will gradually be able to do more of the going to sleep work for themselves and we will have to do less to help them.

A couple of ideas which you may already have thought of - I try to say to my DS 'first x, then y, then z, then sleepy time' 'now we will do y, then z, then sleepy time' etc so that he knows bed time is coming. Can you lie down with him at bed time? And act very relaxed :) Do you have anyone who can help with putting him to sleep? Sometimes tag teaming seems to work for us.

Also, a friend of mine has a very active, full on little boy and she has tried to encourage him to have quiet times during the day (not sleep related) where they will ie sit down and read a book or something else quiet, so that he can hopefully get the idea of relaxing and calming down.

Other than that, I think if the tv thing is working perhaps just use it, at least for a while, so that you don't have to keep feeling so stressed about bedtime. You sound like you are doing a good job I think :)

oh, and I have spent hours bouncing my DS on the fit ball - sometimes to distract myself I would concentrate on using it to do pelvic floor exercises while bouncing!

Your DS sounds exactly like my DS. I have to rock Hayden until he is completely asleep most nights and he fights it to the very end. I can usually see when he is has given up but some nights it can take up to 2 hours. On very rare occasions, I have been able to put him down (thinking he's asleep) and he's woken, rolled around a bit and gone to sleep in his cot. If I try to put him down awake but drowsy, he will wake up again. I think he is wanting to go to sleep on his own but doesn't want to give up his cuddles. He also knows the go to sleep position and gets upset because he just wants to keep playing. I have decided to just go with it. He will sleep eventually. I don't know of too many teenagers that need mummy or daddy to rock them to sleep! No real advice, just :hug: your not alone and you will get through it.

Thanks for your replies!

Netix - I laughed when I read your reply regarding the mental plan before doing something and how things get added/remembered etc etc. I do the exact same thing and I only have one child! So again, my hat goes off to you with mulitple kids!

Panda74 - I think DS also has a bit of separation anxiety too - although I don't think it contributes to his not wanting to go to bed...he just thinks he is a grown up and doesn't need to sleep so early! :D I know what you mean by trying to pin them down! I struggle to get hold of DS to get his sleeping bag on! He's an escape artist!

KTS - Welcome to BB too then! Thanks for the suggestions - I was doing my pelvic floor exercises last night as a result! Can't believe I didn't think of that before!! I just need to figure out how to relieve the shoulder strain from rocking/bouncing him! I do try talking him through the routine, he seems to definitely know to expect bedtime/sleeping soon, but that's the problem, because he clearly doesn't want to go to bed! (even though he's tired!). If DH comes into help get him to bed, DS gets so excited it actually hypes him up even more! I'm the only one that can get him to sleep at night...I miss out on the mums nights out that my girlfriends sometimes have as a result.... How do you get in and out of the cot with him?? Ours is large enough, but I'd probably hurt myself trying to climb in and out??

Rowellen - thank you for the hug! :D. Do you rock the whole 2 hours or does that include stopping and starting over again in a little while (there is no way I'd have the patience or back strength to rock for that long!)? I know if I try to rock DS when he is not tired or sleep enough,he won't even stay horizontal in my arms (sounds like your DS is the same) and I end up with scratches and some times even bite marks!!

The good news is that the last few nights he has slightly improved (very slightly) - things got worse (he started biting me when I tried to feed to sleep), but now he has gone back to his usual feeding to drowsy (perhaps he has some teething pain?). The singing, reading, feeding, read again, sing again, feed again, sing again.....feed again, bouncing etc (you get the picture) still takes an hour, but at least its only taking the one 'session'.

I know this 'will pass' (eventually) and I won't know what I was so stressed about when I look back on it - its just difficult (as you all know) at the time when you're looking at things through sleep deprived eyes, trying to ignore the judgemental looks/comments when people find out your 1 yr old still wakes multiple times a night (and their insistence that I need to CC). Also hard when I talk to my mothers group etc and hear how easily their kids sleep and how long they sleep for! I think I am the only 'gentle parenting' follower I know....

Sorry I should have said, I don't rock him the whole time. I just can't hold him. I will try for a while, then let him play for 10 or 15 mins then try again. I try to keep his play quiet & contained but it is very difficult. He also gets excited if he sees DH. I can't believe how similar our babies are :D. I can't even read to DS as he just wants to eat the books! Last night - 3 and a half hours! He was soo tired so I started the bedtime routine - dinner (he had 2 mouthfuls then didn't want it), bath (screamed as soon as I put him in so just a quick wipe down), bottle (pushed it away everytime) then he just kept crying and crying. He cried when I put him down & immediately wanted to be back up. Then he'd struggle to get back down. Repeat over & over. I tried everything. Eventually, I tried to give him something to eat again, finally he stopped crying & took it. Aaargh I just wanted to scream but had to try & stay relaxed to keep him calm. He had a short play then finally went to sleep, in my arms. He bites & scratches too. I really don't know what to do with him. Maybe it is separation anxiety because I think he's worse on the days that I work.

As for other people - I don't tell them what we do & I just ignore CC comments. Smile & nod. Then do it my own way. If they ask if he's a good sleeper, I just say he normally sleeps pretty well unless something's wrong. - it's true, but not specific. The only people who know we rock him to sleep are other people that have to look after him, my mum, MIL & daycare.

Glad you're finding it a bit easier the last few days.

HI attc, i cant be much help as I am going through the exact same thing at the moment and my son sounds exactly like your boy, he would be nearly asleep and then he pops up all hypo and laughing, ggggrrrrrr. I can really feel your pain. Zarius wont actully have his bottle at bed time now. as soon as i walk out he throws it then totaly cracks a nanah and sreams the whole town down. its only been happening for the last month. I have been trying lavender bath time stuff and it just seems to refresh him, even though his eyes are red as anything! as i am writing this to you at 7pm he is sitting on the couch watching tv chewing on his toothbrush. It doesnt matter how long DH and sit with him on the couch its totaly up to him when he feels like going to sleep. I have been trying the whole controled crying thing but it just makes him worse and i feel terrible and it causes dramas between me and DH. oh i hope you can get some sleep and find out a change that works for you. good luck and i will be keeping an eye out for you and for myself too about any ideas

Hi Rinnie,

DS has gotten a bit better at night, but mostly I think I've just adapted!:D

I just go with the flow more and don't worry about trying to get him to bed 'earlier'. I just wait until he's looking quite tired, then we go into our routine. It still takes about 30-45 mins to get him asleep, and may include a number of feeds, ending with some rocking (!?).....but, I haven't had to resort to bringing him back into the lounge and TV though - so its improving!

Hopefully things have improved for you too??