DESPERATE! Nap advice needed for a 3 m. o.

Hi girls-
My DD is 3.5 months old and has always been a very good sleeper. She has been sleeping through the night (7 or 7:30pm till between 5 and 6am) since the beginning of January. Her naps have been pretty good, altho somewhat irregular (no real pattern except that her first nap would generally be 1/2-2 hours after she wakes, and is generally 2 hours, sometimes 1, every now and then 3, and the rest of the day is somewhat off and on).

Last week when she was going to bed at night she woke every night exactly 10mins after she went into her crib (she generally falls asleep on the boob, or is cuddled to sleep after a feed - a habbit I'm trying to get out of, but that's another issue), no matter if I put her straight in or held her for a while first. Then I'd have to re-settle her then she was fine for the rest of the night.

Her day-time naps are what I'm really worried about. On Saturday she skipped her morning nap all together, then slept 3 hours at 10:00. Sunday she skipped the morning sleep, went to bed at 10:00 but only slept one hour. This week she has picked up her morning nap again, but all of her naps are very unsettled, and I have to keep going back in to re-settle her. This morning was the worst! I put her down at 7:25 after the usual tired signs, and a feed. She was in her room till 8:50 (when I had had enough and didn't think she was going to sleep much more), and during that time only slept 27 mins!!! I'm going nuts! She's only sleeping 3 hours max during the day (I've read they need 5-6 at 3 months), and is so tired that she crashes at 5 for an hour or so that then messes with bed time, but she doesn't sleep longer in the morning, so her night-time sleep is out too and diminshed by 2 or so hours. What should I do?

When she wakes during her nap I TRY not to pick her up. We put her thumb or her dummy (only used for sleep time) back in her mouth, give her a pat and tell her "it's not time to wake up yet, you need to go back to sleep now". Then I usually sit in her chair, where she can't see me but she knows I'm there I think (she used to completely crack it when I left the room). If she gets upset while I'm in the chair I say "Shhhh. You're ok. It's time to go to sleep now". But, this hasn't been working very well, and it usually ends up with me holding her and rocking her back to sleep, and today and once during the night last night (she woke twice last night which really isn't her, but I guess everyone has an off night) I had to feed her too. I'd like to encourage her to self-settle. What do you guys do?

Her routine is the same, as is her environment (dimly lit room, fan on slightly, same quiet music), but for some reason the naps are just going down hill! What routine are you guys using to put your little one down during the day? Maybe I need to look at that.

Please, please, please tell me someone has advice, or a book to read or something. I'm so drained from going back and forth and trying to settle her, and I don't get any time to do things around the house or just sit down for a minute. I'm also worried this is going to turn into a bad habbit, and obviously I'd like to be establishing good habbits now. When she's awake she's generally happy, but by the afternoon the last two days she's been pretty cranky because she's so tired.

I'd really love to know what you think!!

Sorry for the long post :redface: I just had to let it all out. Am thinking I also need to join a mothers group.

It sounds like you are having a tough time. My DS who is now 4.5 months went through a similar reversal in sleep at about that age. For me i cuddleded him to sleep when i had the time or put him in a sling and let him sleep. At 4 months i strarted wrapping him again for day sleeps (i feed to sleep). So now he has 2 sleeps a day, with a total of max 2 hours sleep during the day. Goes to bed at 7pm and wakes up for the day between 7 - 9am. he does wake for feeds during the night but that is pretty irregular for times.

My DD used to sleep 2-3 hours for each sleep so this not sleeping is a bit strange for me too. I have tried pram, car, sling to get him to sleep more but he doesn't sleep.

I haven't been much help butI guess my point is if they don't won't to sleep forcing them to sleep is just stressful for you both. Some babies just need less sleep. I don't believe my DS is a self setteling problem as he must wake and go back to sleep overnight at various points. For me the whole self settling thing doesn't work as I feed back to sleep overnight. I went through all that trying to do self settling with myDD. All it did for us was cause stress.

hope you find something that helps soon.

Thanks for replying Fig! My position has always been that if she's happy, then I don't mind that she's awake, and I still feel that way, but in the afternoons she's very cranky, and so tired that then it's hard for her to sleep too. The sling idea is a good one, I haven't tried that. DD sleeps well in the car, but I'd like to avoid using that as some girl friends of mine got stuck in that habbit, and the only way the kids would sleep is in the car (so when I visited them - before having DD - we would drive up and down the freeway with the heat on, whispering as we caught up).

I am thankful that (except for last night) DD is still sleeing well at night, and if I had to have it one way, I'd prefer her naps were out and not her night-time sleep, but it's still hard (and I know she self-soothes at night, because I hear her sucking her thumb and putting herself back to sleep). But that's also my worry, is that because of her day being mucked around, her nights will be too because she wants to sleep at 5:00.

Will keep working through it. Thanks again for replying!

The other thing is that as soon as I pick DD up she closes her eyes and snuggles in and goes to sleep, which tells me that she is actually tired, and not finished her nap. Her current nap (I don't want to jinx it) is going better - have only been in there twice (16 mins total) in 1 hr 10 mins. Not too bad.

The sling is fantastic, I use a moby wrap and have been using it since DS was 1 week old. If he is having a bad day and not sleeping on his own I just put him in there walk around a bit and he falls asleep.
Also do you wrap your DD for day time sleeps, may be worth a try if you don't. She may feel like she has the security of being cuddled if she is wraped.

Also you asked about books to read. I have just finished reading 'the science of parenting'. It is a fantastic book. It probably won't solve your sleep problems but will explain to you what is going on in that little body so you can understand your DD and her sleep better.

Hope it gets better for your soon.

Hi Bub4me

You poor thing!! I feel your pain as we have just been through this with DD and during that time, I found that it is SO common! I have a couple of close friends going through it now with their babies and a few of the babies in my Baby Buddies group had the same problem.

Babies go through a massive developmental leap at around 19 weeks (known as a 'Wonder Week'). The lead up to this leap starts around week 15 and babies are often unsettled, cry more and sleep less. If you want to read about them, get yourself a copy of the book 'The Wonder Weeks'. It's brilliant!

While this sleep regression is happening, do what ever you can to help your DD sleep and most importantly, help you remain sane! I found that phase so tough but managed to hold it together by using our sling - A LOT! So if you don't have a sling I highly recommend you get one.

Try not to read into how much sleep a baby should have. They are only averages and we need to remember that our babies are all individuals. Some need more sleep, some need less. My DDs paediatrician said that to me as I was so worried about the lack of sleep. He also said it's amazing how all the catnaps add up. He's right!

I rock my DD to sleep every time (unless she nods off in the pram or car, of course!) and I say bollocks to those who think I'm creating a bad habit. They are only little for such a short time, enjoy it while I can ;) They really do need a bit of assistance during this big growth spurt.

We also had a hammock for DD's day sleeps and that really helped in the early days with sleep issues. You can hire them if you just want to try it for a while.

Another idea, which worked for one of my friends, is a womb sounds cd playing during nap time.

I hope some of that helps hon. You're not alone. It's a really tough time. I'm actually having one of these days with DD today. Big hugs!!

My DD also doesn't sleep much during the day. My MCHN gave me a guide that advised babies around 3-4 months will generally sleep for about 15 hours in a day. My DD will sleep at night from about 8.30pm and then stir at around 6am. We put the dummy in again and she will sleep again until sometimes 7am sometimes 8am and then have a play and go back to sleep again.

So all up she probably sleeps for about 13 hours from going to bed at night to when she wakes up for her first feed.... meaning that she will only sleep about 3 times during the day for about 45 minutes max each time. It is hard work during the day, but on the flip side is that we get a full nights sleep from her and I now do all my housework etc, when she goes to bed or before she wakes in the morning.

I hope you get some rest though before you go crazy...

Hi Bub!
I am feeling your pain as I experienced this with DD when she was little. My advice: don't worry about creating bad habits, the mother's group can wait until you feel ready, and trust your instincts and not worry about getting books (save for Elizabeth Pantley's or Pinky McKay's).

Your little Ava is doing what many many bubs do around 4 months of age- a big change in sleep habits. Don't be surprised if her day naps start to become 45 mins each. This is really really common. You have a few choices:
-you can put Ava in the sling for naps so she gets the sleep and is not overtired
-you can try to resettle her each time
-you can try and get her into a sleep and feed pattern

I wouldn't go down the driving to sleep path as Ava will wake up when the car stops. We did this with the DD and the vacuum cleaner! Not pleasant listening to the vacuum cleaner on for an hour at a time, 3 times a day!

Hugh hasn't reached this stage yet but we had issues about 4 weeks ago when he would only be held to sleep. We worked on a routine (with my mums help) for about a week and now he sleeps terrifically. What we did was start a feeding pattern on 3 hourly. I was demand feeding and he was only snacking so he was never full enough for a good sleep. I feed him now (both sides), burp and cuddle, carry him for a couple of minutes, put him down, swaddle his legs (!) and leave the room. He goes to sleep now within a minute. Prior to mum's help he was all over the place as newbies are. I just had to learn the cries and know when he was doing a grizzly one and let him do it. He was not upset and I didn't let him cry it out etc but if he told me he wanted sleep, well I wouldn't go and pick him up. I rocked him lots in the bassinette until the whimpering stopped and then I would stop the rocking. If he started whimpering, I started rocking! This could go on for some time but I persisted and kept it the same each sleep time. I worked on him drifting off to sleep on his own without my intervention. However, I may have been, rocking, carrying, feeding etc mins earlier but those couple of minutes of him actually dropping asleep were done in his bassinnette by himself. If he woke after a few minutes or 15 etc and I knew he was fed, winded and tired, I let him grizzle and lo and behold he fell back asleep. One of my mistakes was I didn't know that he was a noisy sleep and made noises at the end of each sleep cycle, so I picked him up which woke him right out of it. Hope I have been of some help!