I just want to be a SAHM!

Ok, I'm being a big baby today! I'm daydreaming of all day everyday plays and cuddles with my beautiful boy (lets forget the kitchen and the poo on the carpet for a moment).. Has anyone else been through this? I'm back at work a month and the novelty has worn off and the 9 hours away from DS just hurt!

At the moment things are "easy" cos DS is with Mum and happy and at least when I get home he gives me a big smile instead of crying (cos he's been hurting all day too). A couple of weeks ago though he was in FDC - it was horrible, I never want to do the "drop off" to day care again. DS has recovered but I think DH and I are scarred for life!

If I thought DS would be happy in day care I would be happy and would get through the 9 hours ok I think but I just can't imagine it. He's scared of strangers and has separation anxiety! Mum can only look after DS for a little while - she has to get home to Dad in NSW!

So I guess I should say I just want DS to be happy and I think me being a SAHM would make him happy. How have other SAHMs made it work? I think we'll be in the red a few hundred a fortnight if I quit work.

Alternatively, how can I find a day care arrangement that DS will enjoy? He just wants to have fun the poor guy, the two FDC homes I've seen were sterile and borderline weird! I am considering a centre again but we won't get into anywhere good anytime soon.

This is just a bit of a whinge really..

Hun, I feel the same way everytime I see DD and ask myself why can't I be a SAHM!
Re: childcare. I think it's a matter of just keeping on looking if you really want him to be in care.

Im a SAHM well now WAHM but my business is only just getting off the ground but when I had no income so to speak and only relying on hubby which for the most part i still am. It was and still is very, very hard financially. We have a very strict budget that we must stick to, it is extremely hard and very stressful especially when a big bill comes in and im wondering how on earth we are going to pay it.
I think at the end of the day you have to write a budget both of working and not working compare the differences find out where you can save, maybe changing to a cheaper insurance policy etc and write out a pros and cons list of working and one of being a SAHM. I know in your heart you want to be a SAHM and with very careful budgeting and planning it probably could work but there may be some hard times being cut back to one income

It might not be ideal, but why not look at a career change if you really don't want to use child care? I work shift work (same job as previous to kids) and manage my shifts around the kids, working when DH is home to care for them. I work an evening and a Sunday. It means we have less time together, but it's not forever and I think it's good for DH to be the 'primary caregiver' whilst I'm working. Most importantly, it means I don't have to leave the kids in childcare or rely on someone else to care for them while I'm at work. It is a juggling act and it took us a while to find a roster that worked, but I feel like we've found the right balance.

If shifts aren't available in your current job, maybe consider working part time somewhere like Myer or Safeway... anywhere they can offer hours that suit. I have several friends who work like this to make up the financial short-fall of giving up full-time work and it works for them. They can always return to their chosen field in a few years when the kids are older.

I know this might not work for you, but just offering some food for thought.:)

My 3yo has just started regular care. It has taken me 3 years to find the right place (and to be on their waiting list for nearly 2 years) and in the meantime eliminate 2 other centres (where he went for a few days of occassional care). Those 2 centres were not good, I should have listened to my instincts from the start!

During this time we have made the sacrifices necessary so that i can be a SAHM. Having worked in childcare myself I know what goes on behind the scenes and am very fussy (as any parent should be).
I don't compromise and would rather wear Op Shop clothes etc than work and know that my children are not happy.

I hope you can find a way to follow your heart :hug:

Panda I desperately want to be a SAHM too. nickle has given some good ideas, Maybe start by working out how much money you need and how many hours you need to work than find a job that will fit that.

We don't have any savings to accommodate me leaving work :o dh needs to make up my entire wage for us to still get by :( if I do end up going back to work I will work when dh is home to look after bubs, so depending on his roster I may get to work anywhere from 25 - 10 hours a week and hope that it will be enough money by cutting back even further in the budget.

It is a really hard decision to make. I went back to work when Ds1 was 10mo, I lasted 3 weeks (3 days/week). I just couldn't leave him, I found it so hard, knowing I was going to miss out his milestones and just generally missed him. He was with DH's aunty and cousin (who loved him to bits and he enjoyed being with them).

we were able to manage me not working, just. I started doing family day care just before he turned 3, this was after DH was retrenched and we moved in with his family, when we got our own place again, we needed the second income. I stayed doing this until I was pg with Ds2 and began spotting (after 3 years of ttc and fertility treatment there was no way I was going to risk that pg). I started back again when he was almost 3 as well. I've just had baby number 3 and have taken 9 weeks off, starting back this week, financially I just had to come back early, we have used almost every dollar in our bank accounts - just happens to be that time of the year when all the big bills come in together, (tax, car insurances x 2, electricity, water, etc)

Could you look at working from home, either with your current job, or starting something new? Or working part-time (I can't remember if you have a full time/part time job already)

Thankyou all so much - its certainly given me something to think about. Sunshine I needed to hear that, of course I'm not the only Mum missing her baby! Mollycat thanks for sharing your story (I went back at 10 months for 3 days too!), I am part-time only but even that doesn't feel doable. Thanks for the ideas MrsS, nickle! We are very lucky in that we may be able to get by with me working just a little bit..I will look into it!

Panda - hope you come up with something you're happy with!

We are just managing with me being a full time SAHM. It just didn't suit for me to go back into teaching just yet, and i didn't think doing part time admin jobs would be financially more beneficial once you take into account cc and travel costs, etc.

Its a struggle, but we made some financial choices that have made it easier. It did mean some sacrifices, such as we are still renting and DH rides a 20+yr old motorbike to work. But we both think it worth it.

IHave you thought of doing some sort of party plan? i've been doing Tupperware since last January, and that has really helped - its probably not a part time wage equivalent but its been enough to ease things! I generally do around 2 parties a week, and organise them for when DH can have DD.

Mollycat - I've often thought about doing fdc, but not sure - is it financially worth it? I'll have 2 under 2, so I know that would limit the numbers I could have.

My heart goes out to you reading your post. I can imagine the distress you're suffering. I could never have left my son at that age, no, that is not accurate, I would not have made the choice to leave him because I believe that this time is too precious to spend away from him, and that the care I give him is worth much more than the money I could make away from him. I fully appreciate that you are saying you will be falling short of the money you need if you don't work, but have you considered working part time and/or what you can do to cut expenses out of your budget? For instance, if you have a mortgage, can you go interest only? Or consider selling and renting until you feel ready to go back to work? Can you refinance other debts to make them manageable? Can you re-consider what is really necessary in life? Please don't take offence, I just see so often people following what is done without thinking about what they really want and what is really important to them. It may be that you are happy working, but if you're not, some things to think about?

I often have to calm my anxiety about our level of debt with the thought that when my son is in school and I begin working for money again we will quickly be in a much better financial position...meanwhile, it's so nice being a SAHM, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Have you tried going on to the Family Assistance website to see if you might be entitled to more? They have an estimator on there that estimates what you might be entitled to.

I am a full time SAHM, I am lucky in that dh makes good money, but we still stick to a budget every fortnight (he gets paid fortnightly which does make it harder IMO). We actually called all our service providers (elect, phone etc) and we pay a certain amount each fortnight for the bills, we pay rates and water rates this way too (it stops you from getting a massive bill all at once). We pay our car insurance in one go so it doesn't take up any extra money each month, we only get 6months rego at a time (it doesn't cost extra and it works for us), we go grocery shopping once per fortnight (except fresh fruit and vegies which is every few days). We also manage to save quite a bit each fortnight too, it goes into another bank account as soon as dh gets paid and we don't miss it. We are also entitled to some money from centrelink each fortnight (we usually buy nappies and wipes in bulk with this money).

It is doable, but some sacrafices must be made: we don't go out very often (its cheaper to have a night at a friends place for a bbq or a karaoke night at our place), we only go to the shops if really needed, we put things on layby instead of buying them straight out and one big thing is WE DO NOT HAVE CREDIT CARDS!! this stops us buying things on credit and having another bill come in. If we can't afford it buy it, we save for it or layby it - NO FINANCE.

But in saying all this, don't feel guilty about going to work, it is difficult I know, but some ppl just don't have a choice and they have to go to work and put their kids in care. Is it possible for you to stay home while you find the right child care for your ds and transition him into it?

Panda, I just wanted to give you hugs :hug:
I am working part-time & would love to be home with my DD2. We need the money & it's actually good for my depression & anxiety to work (go figure :rolleyes:)
She is in FDC & seems very happy, so that makes it easier.. but it doesn't stop me wishing I could just stay home & play with her all day.

The others have given you some good advice & I hope you find something that works for you soon :hug:

Panda - big :hug: This has been a big struggle for me too, I had a touch of the grass is greener syndrome, lol. I felt quite isolated and lonely when at home full time and I also felt like I should not be spending money - so would only occasionally buy coffee, clothes etc. This was all about me too I should add. However when at work I felt like I was doing the wrong thing by my kids and as a consequence was going to scar them for life (a wee bit OTT also).
The biggest change was in myself - what I thought I wanted prior to the girls arrival was very different to where I found myself afterwards. It was time for a compromise....I was lucky enough to delay my return to work with DD2 until she was 1, whereas I went back when DD1 was 7 months. I also now only work 5 days a fortnight with the girls going to care 2 days, my folks have them 2 days and DH has them once (his RDO). We had planned for me to return to work fulltime when DD is 2 - not sure what planet that seemed realistic on BUT this amount of work is it for me for the forseeable future.
We considered selling the house and moving but came to the conclusion we would regret that decision and not be able to buy back in.
Good luck in your soul searching - unfortunately only you can know what will work best for your family but be sure that there are many combinations and ideas that you can work with to suit your own individual needs. xxxx