Help for talking with pregnant women about their birth choices

Hi all,

I am keen to hear from you all about how to approach my pregnant friends about their birth choices. Quite a few of my friends, family members and colleagues have become pregnant over the past year or so, and because I believe that women should make informed choices about their births, I am keen to share information with them about birth preparation.

However I find myself getting too excited sometimes, and perhaps too quiet at other times, because I feel cautious about not overwhelming them with information, not scaring them with statistics (if you choose a private hospital, the likelihood of a caesarean birth is...), but at the same time ensuring I've done my duty to the sisterhood in arming them with the best information so that they can make the best choices.

Does anyone have any tips about how to find the balance here? What do you say to your pregnant friends? And what would you have liked to be told by other women when you were pregnant?

Sarah.

I think a relaxed conversation to gauge what they expect would be the best way to start, ie. "so are where are you planning on having bubs?"
The maybe let it gently go from there, say to them "look i have LOTS of information i would love to share with you about different birth options etc, IF YOUR INTERESTED"

I think the key would be asking if they want to know rather than getting excited and bombarding them with information.. as you said.

It's so nice you want your friends to be informed and be able to make a decent choice based on their needs, you can always refer them to BB as well.. i found thats a wonderful help for people and they like the fact they can be anonymous.

For me before my first i think i would have loved more information on home births, it's not something that i had ever thought about, i had never even considered it, i thought hospital was just the 'normal' thing to do... in the end i had a home birth but not by choice and it was an amazing experience.

GL, sorry prob haven't helped at all.

Oh geez I hate statistics.......

And the very last thing that I want right now is some helpful and well meaning friend telling me what other options I have.

Don't get me wrong - I think that wanting others to be informed is a truly admirable goal and I know that your heart is well and truly in the right place. I just think that with things like this you have to tread really really carefully.

For instance - my Obs has a caesar rate of close to 40% - looks scary. Until you ask him about it. About 25% of his patients request a caesar for whatever reason straight up and the majority of the rest of them are because he runs a high risk pregnancy practice. He is actually a fan of low intervention birth and very prepared to assist women go for VBAC etc. But the stats just dont show that.

I'm just not sure that throwing statistics at women who are already pregnant and have already made choices is going to be very helpful. The last thing a woman needs while pregnant is being told that her model of care choice is in some way wrong.

Encouraging your friends to be better informed about their birth choices or referring them to BB and all it's great resources is probably a better way to go - and speaking openly with your friends who aren't actually pregnant may be more constructive as it will help them to make more informed choices when the time comes.

If your friends are online:
I send lots of link with a little preface to them - This one is about cesearan statistics, this one is aobut blah blah and then that way they can read them as they will. Then I would follow up later in a few weeks, with what did you think about XYZ site? I really liked how blah blah blah

HTH

I would only do it if invited to - either if the converstation got round to the topic or if you were directly asked your opinion on it. Because if you look at if from your own point of view, how would you have felt if you had someone get in your face about the options you had - obviously you are for a very low/no intervention birth and that is awesome, but not everyone is and I imagine that if someone bombarded you with stats about birth, especially if those stats were 'bad' ones about the option you chose, then you would get pretty tetchy, so you have to reverse the role and respect that not everyone is going to be open for discussion on this.

if you really want to be proactive and not wait for that 'invitation' then maybe you could suggest a reading list of books that you found really helpful etc and leave it at that for the time being and maybe after a while ask did they read them and what they thought, because gauging their response to that will probably give you the opening you want to talk about it further and in more detail. If you don't think they were receptive to the books you recommended, then you will possibly be flogging a dead horse if you keep going on about natural birth if they feel that the whole shebang would be better for them kwim?

It really is admirable that you want to make sure that they are informed, but birth is such a personal choice and at the end of the day we have to respect that those that we are closest too may not always see our point of view. Good luck

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Oh geez I hate statistics.......

And the very last thing that I want right now is some helpful and well meaning friend telling me what other options I have.

Don't get me wrong - I think that wanting others to be informed is a truly admirable goal and I know that your heart is well and truly in the right place. I just think that with things like this you have to tread really really carefully.

For instance - my Obs has a caesar rate of close to 40% - looks scary. Until you ask him about it. About 25% of his patients request a caesar for whatever reason straight up and the majority of the rest of them are because he runs a high risk pregnancy practice. He is actually a fan of low intervention birth and very prepared to assist women go for VBAC etc. But the stats just dont show that.

I'm just not sure that throwing statistics at women who are already pregnant and have already made choices is going to be very helpful. The last thing a woman needs while pregnant is being told that her model of care choice is in some way wrong.

Encouraging your friends to be better informed about their birth choices or referring them to BB and all it's great resources is probably a better way to go - and speaking openly with your friends who aren't actually pregnant may be more constructive as it will help them to make more informed choices when the time comes.

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Spot on as to what I was going to say. Statistics can definately be up for interpretation and skewed/manipulated to say what you want so I would not personally respond to that approach well.

Your friends choices for model of care may be wrong for you but it might be right for them. I would point them in the direction of some good unbiased information and leave it at that. And try to remember that even faced with all the same information you were faced with your friends will not necessarily make the same decisions you have.

i reckon that one of the best ways of sharing information is sharing your stories. play up the positives of your experience or the negatives and chat about what you liked and wished had of been different ITMS. that way the person is not threatened and is in fact encouraged to share their journey through yours.

putting yourself on the defensive will only get them on the defensive and as all of us know pregnant women reallllly despise being told what to do lol!

HTH!

I would tread very carefully! My best friend just had a baby and I sometimes found it really hard to bite my lip and she was very open to information, suggestions and discussion about birth - she asked me to be at the birth so we talked lots about what she wanted. I have to admit there were times when I was dying the say 'JUST STAY AT HOME!!! YOU'LL BE SAFER!!' but I knew that wouldn't go down well and she was very comfortable with the hospital she had booked into. In the end, it was her birth and her choices! I did make suggestions here and there, for example after one of her ante-natal classes she said 'we talked about the 3rd stage tonight, did you know they give you an injection once the baby is born to help deliver the placenta and prevent PPH?'...I responded with 'yep, they're referring to a managed stage and that definitely can have some advantages - there's also the option of a physiological 3rd stage, where you would birth the placenta without the injection - sometimes breastfeeding can aid in the delivery of the placenta...if you want some more info I can email you some links through that I find really helpful?'. She was really grateful for the information, and ended up decided she wanted to have a physiological 3rd stage. But, like I said...you have to pick your battles!

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Your friends choices for model of care may be wrong for you but it might be right for them. I would point them in the direction of some good unbiased information and leave it at that. And try to remember that even faced with all the same information you were faced with your friends will not necessarily make the same decisions you have.

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Well said hun. My first birth was a high intervention birth BY CHOICE and I know I would have told anyone telling me it was the wrong choice (either directly or inadvertently) would have not been greeted with a nice response.

I think offering advice IF asked, sharing YOUR story without obviously shooting down their way (if it's different to yours) is the best way.

Remember not everyone in life wants the same thing plus I think private OB/private hospital stats are very very hazy because you MUST take into consideration people's choice. It isn't as though every OB would prefer you to have a scheduled c-section