warning tmi - i couldn't dtd

Well i have not been feeling very flash lately since sil had her baby as my style of mothering is a complete 180 on mil's and sil's ideas on how babies should be managed - think old ways versus new ......... not that its a competition but I am ALWAYS made to feel bad about my choices.

ANYHOO, so DH and I had been talking about the state of our "lack of" relationship - it has dwindled by the wayside since DD was born, mainly because at the end of the day I am exhausted and really not in the mood, besides, I have been too frightened in case it hurt after my stitches.

Last night we decided to have a little adult fun as DD went down early so we're there and I am playing jockey (if you catch my drift) and I swear I couldn't do it ....... I got a little way in and OH THE PAIN ...... I think the Dr stitched me up a little far :wall: not only did it sting like crazy but I couldn't get it to go in.

I ended up in tears and poor DH has been so deprived for ...... well ......... since we found out we were pregnant with DD :redface:

I feel awful .... I want to go back to the Dr who did my stitches and ask her to give me back a cm of myself so I can have some fun with hubby serisouly a whole friggin cm.

DH thought it was funny and started the whole "like a virgin" sing along which made me feel worse.

Will I ever stretch again? Will I have to go back and get "opened" a little more? Am I the only one who's Dr thought she'd be doing me a favour?

Is there something I can do to help myself stretch again.

:cry: I honestly feel like I am the biggest failure right now, first my parenting choices, now I cannot please my man ........ what next?

Nae

Oh Nae :hug: hun.. please don't feel bad on either part.

I have no experience with the stitches but after DD1 i was far from co-operative with DP wanting to DTD, it hurt, it felt uncomfortable and he just didn't get it.
Atleast in a sense your DH was able to joke about it, my DP would have just gotten P'd off and TOLD me i'm not pleasing my man.

I think seeing your Dr could be a good idea though, let them know it's painful.

Hope your back to normal ASAP so you can enjoy some ADULT TIME.

:hug: hun.
I remember having a very similar feeling when we first started DTD again. It did settle down though.
If you are concerned then I would suggest going back to see your doctor.
Men can be so insensitive sometimes can't they? Singing like that is something my DH would do :shakehead:
I hope you can get it sorted out. xxxx

Oh, i know your pain :redface:. It is really hard getting back into the swing of things intimately. Well I found it so... I was so tense, I think that makes it harder too... With BF you have lower hormone levels, and ...um... things can be a little dry... if you try a little help in that area it might make it a bit easier...

Hope you and DH are back into things soon. xo

I had something similar happen after DS1. It did settle down after a while too.
:hug:

Hope things settle down soon.

xox

Aw you poor thing. Can I suggest you try some lubricant? As you are BFing things can get very dry down there which makes it a) much less comfortable, and b) feel tighter. If that doesn't help a trip to the doctor may be in order.
Don't worry to much about DH, your body has done some amazing things and it really does take quite a long time for everything to feel normal again.

If you are BF it can really really hurt! You need to get lots of lube or there's a hormone cream that you can get from the OB.

I had 2 c/s and honestly it hurt for months just because of the friction so it may not be the stitches. Your DH needs to take it really slow and make sure you are ready.

Sweetie - full commisserations, I have totally BTDT.

The good news is, your body *will* heal!! It may take some time, a trip to the dr or two, and maybe some vaginal oestrogen, but you will get there!

In my case, DD was 6 months old when we finally moved into an area where I could see a *good* dr, and when I did she explained that the low oestrogen levels from BFing makes the vuhjay tissues thinner, more brittle and prone to damage - and for that reason the tears hadn't really healed properly. It was amazing the difference the vaginal oestrogen made.

:hug: It's devastating now but it will get better.

Thanks everyone,

The issue isn't so much in the lube dept more like the outer lip area that has been stitched too far from back to front itms ....... i have a 1cm over lip that wasn't there before ... like a veranda for lack of a better description :redface: we couldn't get past the veranda without really intense pain - and me worrying about tearing the stitched area open.

Will i go back to normal? should i just push through the pain barrier at least once? I just feel like such a failure where i have never had a confidence issue before.

Nae

This is one time I would not be trying to 'push through the pain barrier'. See your doctor & ask for a gynae referral - I'm sure they will be able to help you. :hug:

Oh Nae :hug:

I had 3rd degree internal tearing and lots of stitches and pain so I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. It friggen hurts!!!! The first time we DTD since DD was born I think she was about 9wks old.... I was so scared it would hurt! And it was quite painful the first few times.... very uncomfortable..... your area down there has suffered a fair bit of trauma... but it DOES get better. My V hurt for a good 6-7mths but after that, it went back to normal and when DTD the last few mths it never hurts anymore. In fact it feels the same as it did before having DD during sex!!! (thankfully!!!!)..... so it won't always hurt ok? :hug:

Get your GP to check it out... i'd say you have a lot of scar tissue down there like I did.... it really does take a few mths to get back to normal down there (well it never really does get back to normal but to FEEL normal again). I'm pretty sure from memory that the first time we attempted it after having DD, i couldn't follow thru with it either it just felt too uncomfortable and sore... and it felt like a stinging feeling.

How bad is the pain? 1-10? 10 being worst? Mine was probably only about 4. I think if it's worse than that you should see a Gyno just to get things checked out... or at least a GP.

Lots of lubricant
Be gentle (tell DH to be too)
Comfortable positions.

Good luck hun :hug:

Oh honey......i tell you my first time back was less than pleasant.

TMI******

Can i suggest maybe being the jockey may not be the best position to start back in? I did the same thing and it was way way way too bad........however....back to good old missionary with DH being so parellel we were almost touching and the pain was barely there. Obviously it wasn't pulling on anything. Also the good old KY came to the party with a ****tail to help me through ;)

Take your time - your certainly not the only one to experience this. It still is awful for me....and my libido is non-existant now anyway....what can you do :dunno:

Big hugs

Everyone here had given you such good advice already.
Maybe try with you on top first, that way you can control the speed and the degree of penetration.
Lots of lube,
But most importantly is take it slow, maybe dont do penetration the first few times, just play?
Sex is so much more than the physical thing, your emotional and mental state impact on it, and having a baby and all that goes with it is easily enough to impact on all parts of it.
*hugs* it will get easier just takes time.

I had almost identical to what you're describing after giving birth to DS1. My ex & I tried different positions and the only one that was 'bearable' was from behind. After a while it became fine to use other positions and everything has been fine ever since.
I hope you find a solution that works for you & your DH :hug:

Yep, same. Took us 7 months to complete the deed.
I felt broken and horrible for months, but it did heal. :hug: