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I just can't believe it or don't want to believe it. DH went for a walk this afternoon and caught DS and his mate smoking. Last weekend he lied to us about a sleepover now smoking. Why is he doing this? It just isn't like him, so out of character. People tell me 14 is a tough age but it's just breaking my heart. I'm not even angry I'm just so dissapointed, I just want to :cry:. He is now grounded once again.
Regards,
Dianne
Oh, big hugs Dianne :hug:. You're such a great mum and your DS is being a typical teenager - stretching the boundaries, experimenting etc. One day he'll be so grateful that you care so much about him :hug:.
First of all big hugs, I don't know what to say as ive only ever been in your sons position. I could get some advice from my parents if you like apparently I was very good until around 14 then went off the rails
:hug:
I am sorry hun
fwiw my mum was busted smoking and poppy locked her in a cupboard with the biggest, strongest ciggies and made her smoke the lot. needless to say she never smoked again coz she was sooooo sick ......... maybe don't do that but as a once rebelious teen, I always found ways to hide my habit.
hoping he sees the error in his ways
nae x
Thanks for your kind words. I know it's probably just a phase, I just didn't think he would cave to peer pressure. He is such a confident boy and mature for his age, so I thought, I didn't think he'd be afraid to say "no". Why do kids have to grow into teenagers?
Regards,
Dianne
Can you circulate pics of him and his mates around local shops with their ages? Might postpone the problem for a couple of years at least.
oh hun this is not good..
maybe sit him down and talk to him about the real side effects fo smoking, explain teh physical, emotional and psychological disadvantages of smoking..
i hope he snaps out fo thsi phase soon.
maybe talk to him about things, see fi something is botehring him or is school is an issue, i foudn when i was fed up at school, id rebel against my parents, they tought all was good, as i still ahd my close friends etc, but i was being bullied something shocking and didnt know who to tell or even if i should tell.. but once i got talking it was like opening teh bflood gates and my behaviour improved apparently lol i still think im rebelious against them at times
Your son sounds like my brother. And thats not a good thing. My brother is no role model for anyone, i love him dearly, hes my baby brother but he had a criminal record at 11. He lit fires and was caught shop lifting. That part doesn't sound like your son but the lying and the smoking does. My brother did these things to try and fit in with the 'cool' kids at school. I know you already know this but you really need to get on top of this, as it can next lead to him being caught stealing or even worse.
Don't punish him too much as he will see this as a way to rebel against you, and that will only lead to worse things, just explain to him the consequences of smoking, that he may see it as a harmless act now but in many years to come it can have a terrible effect on his health such as lung cancer and emphysema (sp?) but also say how disappointed you are, make him feel bad for it. My mum played that card alot when i was a teenager and i felt terrible that she was disappointed.
I hope my advice helps you any, i have a massive headache and am tired so don't know if i got out what i wanted to say.
You have a good kid, you really do he just seems to be falling into the wrong crowd and making silly choices.
BIG :hug:
Oh babe I feel for you. I was very smug about my very antismoking DD until she started smoking at 17!
I told her that I'd take it up again which she is horrified about but it hasn't stopped her sadly.
I have no answers except that it SHOULD be very hard for him to get smokes as he is under 16 and shops can cop hefty fines for selling them to minors.
I smoked but havent for 10 years now and I know that nothing anybody said to me would've stopped me, all you can do is make it hard for him to get them.
Its no reflection on you as a mother so please dont feel like it is.
I asked DS where he was getting the smokes from, he said he's friend was stealing them from his mum so I have rang her to let her know what was going on. Believe me DH had a good talk to him about the dangers of smoking, which he already knows and also told him that he was concerned that smoking cigarettes can lead to smoking drugs. I will have another talk to him tomorrow and ask about whether there is anything bothering him at school, I just really think he is mixing with the wrong boys. I have told him how dissapointed I am in him and he can see that I am upset even DS11 asked me what is wrong. I actually wish I could feel angry because I really can't talk to him at the moment. Thank you all for your advice I really appreciate it, this is all so new to me, it's like going from no problems to all of a sudden having a troubled teen.
Regards,
Dianne
Hi Dianne,
Like mrsmac said - this has no reflection whatsoever on your parenting. He is being a typical teen. He isn't a bad kid, he is just experimenting and doing what his friends are doing - so yes, call it peer pressure, and as hard as it is to take as a mother, it is so normal unfortunately :( I am not long out of high school and I can say that by year 10/11 so many students had started smoking/tried it, and most of them just did it socially to "fit in" and would not actually do it at home or alone, or even buy their own cigarettes. Some of them remain smokers and get addicted (that is the main worry), but others continue doing it socially only, or stop altogether.
I hope for your DS's sake, it is just a phase and he quits it soon. Don't beat yourself up over it - he is still a good kid, and a normal one! I'm sorry you're going through this though. I bet so many parents don't have a clue their children actually smoke behind their backs. Sad but true.
Maybe tell him that he stinks and girls won't like him or that he will get so unfit and puffed out all the time and won't be able to play sports ;)
:hug: xox
Hugs hun I hope he listens to you and learns from his mistakes.
You are a great mummy.
xoxo
There is a show that might help you understand you DS a little better - its called "Whatever! The science of teens" - you can buy it from the ABC Shop (or if you have the time and speed, its on YT).
No-one and nothing can prepare children for the truth of Peer Pressure... Its not an external pressure that is the problem, but an internal extreme need to be accepted. Very interesting.. Some of the things teens would rather go without over their mobile phones is stunning.
HTH :hug:
Inertia, thank you I just watched those clips on YouTube, I couldn't even contemplate DS doing any of those things, it's just a scary world for teens I think.
Regards,
Dianne