From elation to despair

Mine is a story of an early loss, as I was only 5 weeks pregnant, but I still feel so sad to have lost my hopes and dreams for this little bubba. My DH and I had been TTC for 9 months and at 35 I am aware I don't have too much time to 'wait and see' if we will have success. So we had all the routine tests done and nothing was wrong as far as they could tell. I was booked for a laparoscopy next Monday as our last investigation (which I cancelled when I found out I was pregnant).

Last Tuesday I did a HPT at 11 dpo and to my surprise (after countless tests over the previous months I had never seen 2 lines and was starting to believe i never would) it was positive! My DH and I were over the moon but still cautiously optimistic, after all my period wasn't even late yet. But a week later and I was starting to feel nauseous, my sense of smell was superhuman, I was bloated and so tired and I started to relax - It all seemed real now that I was having all the right symptoms at nearly 5 weeks.

Then I started spotting. It's ok I told myself, this can happen in a 'normal' pregnancy, it doesn't have to mean bad news. I spoke to my Ob on the phone and he recommended a scan next week at 6 weeks to check for a heartbeat, but that my body would probably give me an answer before then, either way. He was right because then it got worse. The spotting turned to heavy bleeding and clots and cramping yesterday and I know that this is the end. I suppose I should be grateful that it happened early but I just feel so sad and empty. I only knew I was pregnant for 9 days and in that time I have gone from elation to despair. I feel like my heart has broken but thought it might help to share this with you. Thanks for reading my little story.

Oh darlin, it doesn't matter that it was 9 days, you can dream lots and love lots in just 9 days. It was your baby and it meant something, you were pregnant and you have every right to feel that loss, no matter how long. You were pregnant and you'll never forget that, I really really hope that the next bubba is your forever one, but this one was still meaningful. It is such a sad and horrible thing to happen, remember to look after yourself over the next few weeks especially xoxo

I'm so sorry for your loss :hug:.

Oh hun I am ever so sorry for your loss :comfort: ...... give yourself to greive for your precious angel xxx

Oh Sunny*girl, I'm so sorry for your loss hun :hug:

Be kind to yourself x

I'm so sorry, I know this feeling and its horrible :(

I am so so sorry :(

In January we lost our baby at just short of 10 weeks & I can totally understand your feelings. I kept thinking, my goodness this baby was only 2cm long why on earth am I so shattered by this, it could have been so much worse. I don't think it's about the length of time you knew, or the size of the baby or the gestation. It was still your little baby that you had hope & dreams for, that you loved with your entire being, even if you hadn't verbalised it. It's such a crushing horrible thing to have to deal with, it just hurts so much.

Do whatever you need to get through all this. Cry, go shopping, eat chocolate, whatever. Just know that the wonderful BB girls in this section will be here to give you hugs & love whenever you need it.

:comfort:

Big :hug: hun, so sorry for your loss. I'm going through one at the moment. And it is tough no matter how early the loss is, because a loss is a loss. Take care of yourself

Thanks to all of you for your kind words and sharing your stories, it really does mean a lot to me.

Em, I have just read your other thread and am especially grateful for you taking the time to reply to me when you are going through your own loss at the moment.

Oh thinking of you & so sorry to hear, it doesn't matter how long it is still a loss of all the possibilities. I feel your sorrow & hope you are okay

sunny - Hugs Hun, we are all here for you.

Thanks everyone. I went back to work today, which was kind of hard but also a good distraction. I just want to curl up in a ball sometimes, but I am also trying to be strong and think positively. Thanks for your messages. x

sunny*girl, sending u some hugs and healing vibes, i have been there, and although it hurts, time will heal, u will never forget, but u will accept. :hug:
sorry for your loss

we are all here for you.

sarah, ur post made me all teary

Sunnygirl: You were NOT 'just' 5 weeks. You were pregnant, you will never be the same.You shouldnt feel 'lucky' about it being early. It happened. It doesnt matter when or how someone loses the dream. It was real and now its gone......

Let yourself feel, be kind and talk as much as you need too!

So sorry for your loss.