Booby boy shows no signs of slowing...?

Hi all,

My DS (12 months) is a real booby loving boy and is showing little to no signs of slowing down.

On one hand I love this as it is such a good bond, it makes me feel close to him and generally feel 'needed'. Its also a fantastic settling and calming tool! (He still feed to sleep or at least to a drowsy state).

On the other hand...I'm getting worried that he will be one of these babies that doesn't want to give it up!? I'm getting to the stage where I'd like to have a bit more freedom to leave him for longer periods (and perhaps even day care?).

Despite being very pro-breastfeeding, I'm not too keen on feeding a walking, talking toddler. I think it would just make me feel a bit awkward (considering the looks and attitudes I'm already getting - as he's already walking and desperately tries to 'talk').

Does anyone have any tips/advice on how to gently encourage him off the booby? Anyone with similar experiences?

Also, when you wean them, how do you cope with sleep time if they have always needed help falling to sleep?? Erghh. I'm dreading needing to deal with that...

Thanks in advance for any thoughts/advice etc...

My DD (just over 12mths) had to be weaned when I returned to work - it was getting difficult expressing at work and I wasn't really getting enough out to make up a whole feed.

Her carers (my mum and MIL) had also noticed that she would have the EBM if it was there, but that she didn't reeeeally seem to be desperately needing it.

Have you tried leaving DS with someone else for a few hours during the day to see how he goes? You might find that if you aren't there, he might not be so interested?

We substituted cow's milk and water and that worked well for us. Distraction is the other thing that works well! If Mum or MIL noticed her getting grizzly, they'd offer food/water and if she wasn't interested, they'd take her for a walk or find a dog/bird to show her. Distract, distract!

Do you have some good support people who could try to help you out?

Re the feeding to sleep - unfortunately DD has never really fed to sleep (not through anything we did, I would have been happy if she had...) so I don't have any advice for that... but she was rocked to sleep up until a month or two ago - now it seems like if we try the rocking thing, it just makes her angry and more awake, like she's onto our sneaky plan of getting her to sleep! :D

You might find that like our DD, your DS just starts to realise night time and bed means sleeping and might go off to sleep without the booby.

But I'd start with just the day feeds maybe! Good luck, it is a tough decision and can take some time and adjusting!

Thanks OceanPrincess.

I have left him for a (short) while with my mum or DH. He is usually OK. Although as soon as he sees me he is desperate for booby!

To be honest, I'm not even sure if I'm completely ready to wean. I think I'm just feeling the pressure from others that clearly don't approve of feeding a 'toddler' rather than a little baby (even though he has only just turned 1). I would like to reduce the feeding, but not cut it out completely....especially because I wouldn't know how to get him to sleep without it!:doh:

I have tried some cows milk, which he sort of enjoys, but really he just sips on it and plays with the cup etc. And yes, distraction is a fantastic thing!

How does your DD go to sleep now. Can you just put her in the cot and she self settles?

At 12 months, my DS was also a dedicated BFer, from memory 5-6 during the day, plus a couple of overnighters usually. And fed to sleep. He was also totally not interested in solids so BM was his main source of nutrition. And I'd hit the same point of wondering if it was ever going to end....

I'm am lucky though cos I'm also pretty immune to other people's opinions about how long I should or shouldn't feed for, mainly because I simply can't see how it impacts/inconveniences them, so their opinions don't matter to me - but having said that, after about 15 months I found that there was a reduction in feed requirements in a day, and I could structure things so that mostly we were feeding at home & in quiet privacy, so aside from DH, mostly people don't even realise that it was still something that DS did.


And I was always one who thought I'd do the 12 months-ish, then weaning would happen, cos I also was a bit freaked out by the concept of a walking, talking BFer....but...I have to confess, that for me, it's actually become a really special thing between the 2 of us, not weird or freaky at all. I've found it very different from feeding an infant, but it's kind of turned into a time where DS obviously feels so secure & content, that it's worthwhile. And still brilliant when he's unwell. And he generally doesn't ask for it in public - we have our cuddles in bed in the morning, and that's our time.

But to get to your actual question, OP had some good points about how to cut things back - the ABA also has a booklet on weaning which has some good approaches in it as well. The other thing you might also find is that he could just do it himself, which is what my nephew did - at 12 months he was still regularly BFed, but by 17 months, all done, not interested in it at all.

My DD is 13mths old and also a boob-a-holic :lol: she's obsessed!!! All day says "be be" that's her word for them! :rolleyes:

She still feeds 3-4 times during the day and at least 3 times over night (the night feedings are tiring!!!!!) thinking of night weaning her soon but it's helping me to lose weight hehe

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

My almost four year old DD has just self-weaned. I don't have any advice on weaning when your child isn't leading the process, but there's a great article on here: Weaning Your Baby - A Respectful Approach to Weaning

I did want to say that from my own experience, despite never intending to bf beyond the early toddler days (when I was pg and when DD was tiny, I believe I even uttered the phrase, "I don't want to be bfing a child that can eat a steak"!), I found that because I couldn't find a good reason to stop I just didn't. It was kind of a light bulb moment for me when I looked at my baby the day after she turned one and tried to figure out exactly why she would have needed bfing the day before but not the day after? I just never planned a time to stop, and I didn't need to.

I didn't get any negative pressure and very few comments, I think that has something to do with my positivity and belief that I was doing the very best for my DD. Also, as she got older, there were a lot less bfs where other ppl were around anyway, so much less opportunity to invite comments. I found that the benefits of bfing her beyond infancy far outweighed any sideways glances I might have received.

Another thing that helped me was joining the ABA. My local group had other women who bf their children to self-weaning, bf while pg, tandem fed, and so on. Once I was into the normality of all bfing experiences, I no longer questioned myself and found that I had found another source of support. BB was also good, but the IRL contact was great when I went through any bumps in our bfing journey.

It feels absolutely wonderful to have let my DD take the lead and decide when to stop bfing. My bond with her and the comfort she has derived from bfing for all this time has been a source of great joy and pride for me. I feel like I have listened to my heart and my instincts as a mother and happily ignored what the rest of society might think. Sometimes it was challenging, and it was made doubly so when I didn't feel like there was a great understanding of how to manage issues when bfing an older toddler, but it was definitely worth it! :D

If you WANT to continue bfing, don't let others put you off it. They have their own beliefs and prejudices, but they don't need to influence your parenting, in this or any other area. Decide if you are comfortable with continuing and if you are, do it!

Ok, first up forget about everyone else. Is this working for you and your baby (or toddler)? That's really the most important question.

The great thing about feeding an older toddler is that you can take time out or even just say no if you're not up to it. And feeding a child who can tell you how lovely it is is actually quite nice! Not wierd at all.

Even at this age, once they're eating and drinking other things anyway, you can leave them with other people and have some time out. Even if he's having lots of feeds while your'e there, he'll probably go happily without if you're not there.

If he will still feed to sleep or drowsiness....great! But if you want to stop it, there are ways (though it may take some trial and error to figure out the best way). Elizabeth Pantley has some good tactics in her No Cry Sleep Solution book. You may well find that in the next few months he cuts back all by himself and has he grows and develops into a little boy, your perspecitve on this may well change completely. :hug:

As an aside - ALL children will wean themselves eventually. I think the issue is that in our society we tend to wean babies & toddlers quite early, which is where the reluctance to stop comes in. It's fair enough if you've decided you need to stop, I just mean that you don't have to force it.

My DS is 19 months and has approx 3 feeds a day. He was still feeding twice through the night until very recently, but i have still managed to get in two weekends away in that time.
He refuses to take EBM but I have found that he can easily go for 24 hours or so with no bother, and then we pick up where we left off on my return.
In all honesty, it was only the fact that we had the chance of a night away while in the UK with family that made me leave him ( we are so desperately in need of a good babysitter here in Oz), otherwise I wouldn't have done.
I see no reason why you can'y have that bit of extra freedom and still keep feeding if that is what you want to do. :)

Sorry, I can't offer any advice - I'm totally stuck feeding DS off to sleep and have no idea how to stop it. He simply will not go to sleep without it. I try to walk him off to sleep and he just screams till I BF him.

I comiserate with you!!