Need Some Advice Please...

Hi.

I just want to get some advice from other mothers about swimming for an 18mth old. It is a bit of a read, and I have been stressing myself out over this so please excuse the grammar –it may get a bit sloppy...

I have not taken DD swimming lessons yet as I was advised to wait until she was about 3unless the lessons were going to be a consistent/ongoing thing (once a week) & as DF & I don’t have a pool or get to the beach all that much we thought it best to maybe to wait a little bit...

Anyhow I went to my dads house this morning & he basically said It was bad that she has not been swimming yet & that she should have learnt how to swim from as early as possible... (My dad sees DD maybe once every couple months & although he is getting a lot better with her now, he has a tendancy to be loud, full on & quite overwhelming at times..) He has told me that next time she goes over he is taking her in the pool at their complex- (regardless that I said no.)

The reason I said no because she is so scared of pools. Dad went down with DD to the pool today so he could see how scared she gets.... And the whole time she cried and was scared stiffless. She is like this with the ocean too. She was not scared of the beach as a young bub, but as she got older she started to get scared.... She absolutely loooovvveeees baths & showers & has since birth so I don’t know how this water phobia came about... Is this a common thing for kids to just develop?

I am really freaking out that if I take DD over to Dads place he will put her in the pool - even if he doesnt tell me till after he has done it & I am scared it will make her fear even worse...

Dad has never had DD to babysit yet (not even for an hour) so today whilst I was there I promised he could babysit one day soon- which now is why I am scared about her going there as I know he will take me up on my offer soon.

I know that she needs to overcome her fear of water of course the sooner the better but it is something DF & I would rather take our time with and do right, & I just don’t know what to do... DF suggested that we should just not let DD see my father alone at his place if I think Dad will go behind my wishes of taking her in the pool - but I can’t exactly hold DD from seeing him until she is 100% swim trained...

Sadly thus far I have not had as close a relationship with dad (which I would have liked) but now I’m pregnant with #2 & as my mother lives in WA I think it is important for DD to have a better bond with her grandad - especially now she is growing up.

I just don’t know what on earth to do... :crying:

If your father cannot be trusted then I would seriously think twice about going there. If she is fearful she does not need to have her fears increased.
She loves her bath and shower so it is probably a stage she is going through.
Her welfare and your sanity are more important than your father while at such a young age.

:yeahthat: Basically if it were me and he couldn't be trusted to accept your wishes for your child than it's a definite NO.
I know how hard it gets in families, but my ILs have never had my kids for the same reasons.

FWIW my DD was exactly the same. She did go to swimming lessons really early, but then when her awareness grew, suddenly developed a pathological fear of large bodies of water. Only recently (like at 3.5) has she overcome this. I am so not a fan of 'exposing' children to make them overcome their fears...and so are you obviously.
:hug:

Its probably best to start her swimming if you can, at least she will be under an instructors care and will be gently introduced to swimming. There is no way that your dad should be the one to introduce her if he is loud and forcefull she may end up even more terrified. Its true that they recommend swimming once a week if you can but now that she is exposed to a pool she should be encouraged to like it in a safe environment. You want her to know how to get out of the pool incase she ever finds her way in on her own too.

I think you should defnitely not allow your dad to babysit if you are concerned that he may force her into the pool when she is scared. Probably when he was younger, forcing children into the water to teach them to swim was pretty normal, but now it is considered to be pretty traumatizing for the child and might make her even more scared. It is much better to let your child learn to swim with you in a caring and safe environment.

I know how hard it is to deal with overbearing family (your dad sounds exactly like my father-in-law), but maybe if you tell him you are going to be take her to lessons and so you need her to stick to a specific routine with her swimming, then he might back-off and let you handle it.

Good luck!!

I'm not sure how old your DD is, but just wanted to say my DD was exactly the same, loved water in all its forms as a baby then suddenly developed a fear of large bodies when she hit the toddler stage. I think it is common and is a developmental stage that is quite primal, just when they begin to move their safety alert goes up a notch for dangerous situations.

In my opinion this makes this a sensitive time and I think your instincts are right, don't push her. She will overcome the fear in her own time when she gets older (and realises that her fear is unfounded). If something happens to clarify that fear for her and make it real - that will be much harder to work around.

I would say trust your instincts with your dad and the pool.

Maybe you can arrange babysitting or time for the two of them at a "safe" place without getting into it with your dad if you want to avoid confronting him about it. Maybe at a zoo, park or at your house allowing you to go out?

I agree with jackrose, I think it's very normal for kids to dislike large bodies of water, a swimming pool must seem really enormous for a little one!


I only did paddling pools and bigger inflatable pools when my kids were little, and as they get bigger and more confident they've asked to go swimming in the big town pool and so that's when I took them :)

Hi,
Thank you all for you great advice I will certainly follow through with some of your suggestions.

Yes Kim, it is so hard with some families- If someone else in my family ever had a baby I would support their decisions 110%. It is up to the parent no-body else to decide what their children do – especially when their kids are extremely happy, healthy & well behaved!

Emitob I love your suggestion with the mentioning of swimming lessons & telling him we need to need to stick her to a specific routine... Jackrose DD is 18mths & your idea about a ‘safer’ place is a great one especially for maybe the first few times he babysits at least I can be at peace of mind while he gets to bond with her on alone time.
All of you have been such an amazing help & have each given me a piece of advice that has really helped me feel at ease. THANK YOU!!

It is nice to have someone to talk to, somewhere to go & get things off my chest. BB has been such a blessing.