DS doesn't feel sad

Now, initially you think this is great. My son has never been sad. He's been angry, happy, excited, playful, sneaky... but never sad.

He is three years old. I cannot ever recall him being sad. If you stop him doing something or take a toy away, he gets angry. He has thrown the odd tantrum. But even his carers at Nursery agree that he isn't sad, he's angry instead.

Is this normal? Do I need to do something to help him? He can tell me other people feel sad, so he recognises it as an emotion, but he doesn't display it himself.

Maybe he thinks that overall life is pretty sweet so he doesn't need to feel sad kwim? I mean, most kids get pretty snakey when you take a toy away or they can't have something, but rarely will they get sad. They just don't seem to find themselves in the situation where they might actually feel sad. I can't ever recall a time when any of mine have been truly sad because they just haven't been exposed to any situations where they would truly feel sad. When my Nan died years ago, DS1 wasn't even 2 and DD1 was only 11wks old and DS was too young to understand. He knew I was sad, and gave me extra cuddles and kisses, but he didn't show it himself.

Anger is an extension of sadness. They say at the root of all anger is sadness.

Have his teachers said it's a concern?

Have you looked at the kids books about emotion? "When I feel..." I think they are called. It might be helpful for him to understand what sadness is and then he can let you know if he has felt it, even if he hasn't outwardly shown it or reacted to his own sadness iykwim?

Hmm.. I don't think you need to worry. Sadness isn't a very nice emotion and I don't think there's any harm in not feeling it just yet. I'm sure life will give him plenty of opportunity to find out what it feels like in the future, so I wouldn't worry. As you said, he knows what it looks like in others, so maybe he has felt it but not displayed it??

I suppose I'm worried not because Nursery is, but because the national curriculum DS is on (yes, from birth in the UK) says he should show sadness. And because he can easily recognise sadness in me and give me a cuddle to make me feel better (his words), I'm just concerned that he's blocking it off or not wanting to show it.

Having said that, I don't want him to be sad either!

It's a tough one. I'll have a chat with him about it, but he hasn't ever said anything about being sad when we've talked about it before or talked about it with books.

Do you or your DH show sadness when you feel it? Maybe it's a personality thing?

lol, a curriculum from birth, how do they enforce that?!

I think the first time DD1 really showed sadness was when she was 3.5 and she cried while watching a movie where one of the characters was sad. I don't think she really gets a lot of sadness in her life (anger definitely) but I was actually really pleased that she showed empathetic sadness for someone else. I'm sure your DS will develop that emotion as it seems the basics are there in tthe recognition of sad and the other emotions. i would be concerned if neither of those were present.

DD1 here has only recently started to use the word sad. Generally about having to do something she doesn't want to do :rolleyes:. I think it is quite complicated to separate the emotions even as an adult so perhaps it is a progression? Like separating the rage/anger as to why? I think it is great he is displaying concern, sympathy for your sadness tho - that is a very special skill rather than being self absorbed.

I'm not sure on this, but to give you a comparison at the opposite end of the scale, take my DD (2.5). She can get quite sad - my MIL's dog passed away last week and we told her gently and thought she probably wouldn't get it, by my gosh she bawled her eyes out. She is a very empathic person. We read a story about a baby princess that cried and cried and DD couldn't get past the first few pages, as she was crying so much for the baby. We have inadvertently done that thing where you teasingly pretend you're crying, but she doesn't understand that it's only playing and is in fits of tears herself.

I'm not sure what switches that emotion on in kids, but I think if he can recognise sadness and understand that others are feeling it, that's fine. He may not have had occasion to feel this way, or as others have said, he may have felt it but expressed it differently.

I'm not sure, but it sounds like a personality thing. To this day, I will react with sadness to certain situations and cry easily. My SIL, for example, will react with anger to those same situations and thinks crying is weak. I don't understand her anger and she doesn't understand my sadness. It's just a personality thing, coupled with the family/enviornments we grew up in.

Maybe he hasn't been exposed to many things in his short life that would make him sad. If he recognises it and offers comfort when you're sad, then that demostrates empathy, so I don't know that you need to worry too much. He sounds like a really happy little boy.

Thanks for the reassurance everyone. You're all wonderful!