should we change schools?

my daughter is in grade 4 and this is the 3rd primary school she has been in. 1st school she did a year in prep and was sexually malled by a grade 1 boy more than once, we pulled her out into catholic school she was there for grade 1 and grade 2, she had learning probs and speeech probs they couldn't help, so back to public school where her 2 cousins are. She still there and did grade 3 and now this year grade 4. Her cousins left to move to queensland at the end of last year which i was glad about because she only ever played with them. This year she has struggled with the group of girls and it is a small school only 11 grade 4 girls, they leave her out and she just follows them around she says she has no friends. She got a wee infection and was stuck on toilet for the whole of lunchtime that was 4 weeks ago. Since then she is now crying hysterically that she doesn't want to go to school, she says she constantly feels like she has to pee even though nothing comes out, she is feeling sick sometimes too. So she had all medical tests done all clear we think maybe she got anxiety? I have anxiety pretty bad last 6 years an now freaking out that hse does too? Now i'm thinking of putting her in the school around the corner from our home, maybe the local kids will invite her over on weekends an after school because we are close I'm not sure if this will fix her anxiety problem an maybe she'd have more of a chance of making some NICE friends. Should we change her school??? it will be the 4th school crap is that really bad or is perserverence and teaching her resilience and not to run from problems so maybe we should leave her their???? Plus her brother in grade 1 is doing really well so we would have to up root him too. I need some advice please help.

hi there
personally i would keep her there.
she has had a lot of shifting about and im worried she might be learning that when something she doesnt like happens she will get to move to another school.

perhaps you could talk to the parents of the children and organise some playdates? even invite the mum and one child over to start to your house? this may be a nice way to get the girls to know each other without the peer group pressure at the school.

i hope you find a happy medium
xx

I'm with Pink Palace. I would keep her there and help her make friends by asking sone girls over for play dates, perhaps just one at a time to start with. It will help you get to know the other Mums at the school as well if you ask the Mum to stay for coffee.

Perhaps someone might know a good book about mmaking friends you could get and read it together before bedtime?

Good luck.

Get the teacher on board and also organise some sessions for her with the school counsellor, who can work with her on her confidence & making friends skills. Also she may have some hang-over issues from the attacks by the boy & the counsellor may be able to refer you on for some age appropriate therapy. KIds can be really nasty at that age - but with some work by adults in the school regarding inclusion and friendships there might be some improvement. In particular there might be another child who isn't attached to a group that the teacher could pair them together. Also speak to whichever teacher is involved in helping her with her learning needs - perhaps there's a friendship in that group that could be helped along a little. Go up to the school and talk to the teacher on a regular basis about how she's going - it might help if you can do some tuck shop duty, that always makes the kids happy.

Also, I would ask for a referral to an incontinence nurse who works with kids. S/he will be able to talk to your DD about her wee problem - whether real or imagined - and give her some strategies on how to cope at school when she's worried about wetting herself.

I wouldn't dismiss the idea of changing schools entirely but doing it suddenly in response to a crisis is not a good idea. Was your DD happy socially in the catholic school? I ask because my DD had a lot of social issues which we persevered with in the public school and so I was shocked to discover when we moved interstate and changed schools to a catholic school how much kinder the kids were as a rule. Of course kids will be kids but at our new school they seem to have more of an understanding about looking out for the feelings of other people. So maybe explore what your options are - gradually - find out if there's another way to support your DD's speech & learning issues within an independent or catholic school - perhaps thru appts with a speech therapist or regular sessions with a tutor. It could be that there's a solution that you haven't thought about yet. But I do think you need to persist and help your DD with the problems rather than just up and moving. kwim?