Is it normal to feel this way when going back to work??

**warning: this may be all over the place**

i dont really know how to explain it,
i feel like going back to work my life is over.. you would think i would have felt a little like that when i was having Alissa, but to me my life was really only beginning, you know. i was so excited to meet her and spend every day with her just being a mum.. but now at not even 6 months old i will be going back to work and i feel like 'thats it' ya know. (im going back in roughly 2 weeks for 2-3 days a week at first) i feel as though i need to do all these things with her now while i can coz once i go to work i wont have the chance. and i know this is totally stupid as its only a couple of days a week for like 5-6 hours a day but STILL i feel like im going to miss out on so much of her growing.. i feel like a bad mother but i know deep down im being a good mum by going back to work and helping to provide for my family, because this is what needs to be done. And i know that ill still get to spend so much time with her and i know that going back to work is going to make being home with her all the more special, but i cant shake the feeling that i need to rush out and spend every second of every day up until then doing things with her coz once i go to work my time will be more consumed, im being silly, i know.
I also know that when i do go back to work im going to make a concious effort to do more things, like going to the pool and going for walks, basically getting out and about (not to the point of being silly but ykwim) coz up until now i know that i have been super lazy just chillin at home, and i almost feel like im not stimulating her little mind enough by jst being at home.
Im so confused atm. Im so so excited to be going back to work coz i miss being out in the real world with 'grown ups' hehe but then i feel guilty for feeling this way coz its not that i want or need a break from her i just feel like im loosing myself and i honestly feel like im growing dumber everyday coz MY brain isnt being stimulated lol.

im sorry this is all over the place,
i guess the whole point of this post is for someone to just tell me that these are all normal thoughts and that it will all be ok? that working part time and being a wife and mummy can work and that its not as bad as people make out for it to be?
coz i really want this to work, i dont want to be unhappy, i want to enjoy work, and being a mum and then still find time to enjoy being with my husband (even if i am being groped 95% of the time lol)

thanks for hearing me out ladies, i actually feel better about it already :)
xx

I went back to work when DS was 8 months, but he did come before I started maternity leave, otherwise he would have only been 6 months old. I had used up all my annual and paid materinty leave, bills needed to be paid, I earnt more than DH so I didn't really have a coice but to go back to work. I had enjoyed my time away from work just being a Mum but also being a Mum means doing what needs to be done.
I work long shifts and because of that I work 3 days week, the days I work I don't get to see DS as I have often left for work before he wakes or just as he wakes and home after he is in bed. DS is in day care 2 days week and DH cares for him 2 days week, giving me a day off, I usually get household chours done. DH dropped a day of work to assist in the care of our DS.
I feel satifsied in my choices as I have a life outside the home contributing to working society, I'm lucky as I also enjoy my work. I get to have adult relationships/conversation which is not always baby related, though there are lots of new Mums where I work so plenty of sharing in stories. There are differnent challenges with work v's child rearing, child rearing can get hard so work is a pleasent distraction.
DH gets to participate in the challenges of child rearing, DH and DS have a great relationship, my biggest challenge is not trying to take over when I'm around.
DS seems to enjoy day care, he likes to play with some of the older children. I think he learns a great deal from the other kids along with important soicalisation skills. I have never heard that he is distraught when I leave, and it has only been in the past month or 2 that he is a little clingy when I drop him off. I miss him terribley those days as 1 of those days is my chours/relax day.
I think the variety for my DS keeps him satisfied, he is a very happy boy, they only time he is grumpy is when he is hungry and/or tired. He is generally well behaved, though having a few more tantrums these days, but he is heading to the terrible twos. I apprecitate the time I do have with him, coming up with new ideas to keep him entertained in manageable. I would have trouble keeping him entertained full time 7 days weeks.

:hug: Totally normal.

TBH, I think all manner of thoughts are normal in this situation. I have experienced a whole range of emotions returning to work this time round.
When I found out we couldn't afford for me to stay home (DD was about 5 months old) I spent several nights crying (grieving), stressed out because Phoebe was always fed to sleep, angry at the choices we'd made, angry that DH owns his business and didn't just have a 9-5er. I am still sad to leave my babies on work days, but I really like my new job and I look forward to going to work. Really, I think a range of emotions are normal.
We are doing ok with the work/family balance, although sometimes I feel DH values work over and above our family. This is something I'm struggling with atm, feeling that I am the only one who holds our kids as my first priority.

Those feelings are totally normal. I went back to full-time work when my now 2 year old was only 4.5 months. I was worried I'd miss out on things because I was working 38 hours a week but I didn't miss out on anything luckily. I was there for her first steps, I heard her first words and all the other firsts.

DH and I both work 38-45 hours a week but we make sure we spend quality time with DD because we can't spend quantity time. After all, quality is better than quantity.

For me I find it very easy to separate myself from work me and mum/wife me. I use my trip between daycare & work to transition to work mode and visa-versa between work & daycare at the end of the day.

I wish you all the best as you start the next phase of your life.