well.....im back...

I am back the single parenting basket:rolleyes:

Shoulda listened to Lulu when she told me to stay put as a single mumma and take things very slowly with DH. But no I got all excited and moved straight back in with him again.

Things are just a bit weird. DH and I both totally love each other, however I feel really strangled by his love. I lost that independence and freedom that i had. and I gained the resentment that i had for DH in regards to his stupid debts and him having more 'freedom' than me.

We made things official today, got the lease put in my name only and notified centrelink and child support, so embarrassing saying, yes we have seperated AGAIN! At least this time Archie doesnt have to get disrupted and move house/town, I think he wont really even notice the changes if things go to plan. DH and I are such great friends and very supportive of each other, and when we are seperated I feel great about him, but when we are together i feel resentful.

This time around I am gonna take thigs REAL slowly and just take things as they come. We havent told family and friends and really dont want to, as when we do we know they will weigh in with their opinions on each other and our situation and we really just wish they would all butt out and let us find our way by ourselves.

I guess the main thing is that DH is moving just down the road from us and will come here most nights to do the tea, book, bed routine and even sleep over regularly, that will make things easier on Archie.

When I told DH all this last night and told him he can move out cause i resent him again he looked at me like I was holding a gun to his head :( I told him lets just be fantastic freinds for a couple of years and get our seperate lives on track. My no means do i or him ever want to find other partners or sleep around, I just need my space to sort my life out without having to deal with the stress of his dumb financial choices. I want to be accountable for myself and my own decisions, not his.

I m sick of him going against my gentle parenting instincts, so with him out of the house I can do things right without having to fight against him.

Love him so much, I just need space to be me and get me sorted.

Sorry for the long vent guys, and sorry to all of you who warned me this was going to happen if i went straight back to DH.

Oh darling I am so sorry that you are feeling so blergh right now. You are a strong, amazing woman that has grown so much over this last little while. Change is a process remember. You will get there, where ever that is.

Sending you love and comfort. :comfort:

:hug: don't be so hard on urself i would have done it too xoxoxox hope it all works out better for you this time :hug:

I don't have any advice, but just sending you lots & lots of :hug:

:comfort: Hun i am so sorry your going through this again!
Take a deep breathe OK!! You are a strong beautiful Amazing women and mother. let go of the doubt that you hold in yourself:hug:.. i cant imagine what your going through right now but you are doing what is best for yourself and your son and that just shows what an amazing women and mother you are..Sometimes things like this fall apart so better things can fall together if you like, i dont know if this is what you want to hear but i believe everything happens for a reason and i truly believe it will become clear to you one day,:hug: big hugs im thinking about you hun

guys, you have me in tears, I cant describe to you all how important your support is to me and has been to me.

Ecapris - thanks for reminding me that change is a process and yeah, after last years ups and downs I know I will get there eventually.

thankyou so incredibly much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx

:hug: I wish you all the best widdly, looking forward to one day reading you looking back on all of this and being really proud of yourself and your DH for how you worked through things. xo

Hun, trust your instincts.

You are such a strong and wonderful Mumma. It's better to take your time and work these feelings out now than let them go on and on and then work out it isn't 'right' for you. You've done the right thing.

xox

I'm so sorry Widdly. :hug:

thanks guys :)

Nelle - your post has filled me with confidence, it is nice to hear encouraging words about my decisions. I truly believe DH and I can come out the other side, its just that right now is too soon.

hope your ok huni xox

I am going to visit my best friend later this morning to chat to her about all the ins and outs of the situation, Im sure i will feel a bit better after that.

Both DH and I are feeling a little sad, but also thankful that we do know we love each other and we know we can work this out in time.

On a positive note, I already feel more free and independent and in charge of my life again.

You WILL come out the other side - with all that feeling between you two, it's not wasted time. You still learnt something and you still have each other - and him just down the road is spectacular if you ask me!

A few of us on FB were saying recently that the world would be easier if (to paraphrase me, cos I can't remember the more romantic way they put it :redface:) - boys lived on one side of the street and girls on the other :).

:hug: widdly, you are navigating this path the best way you know how. We can sit here and give you all the advice in the world, but there's no way anyone can know what will work and what won't. You are doing your very best and just being able to say, "oh no, I don't like how this is going and I'm going to change it" shows an amazing strength of character. You're so very much braver than me and I respect and admire that.

GL getting things sorted! I'm glad you have your best friend IRL to talk to as well.

lulu - that is exactly what my friend and i have come to the conclusion of too! For DH and I its like we cant live with each other atm but we dont want to live without each other either! Wouldnt surprise me if we live apart for the next 20 years LOL

jen - thankyou so much, really lovely words x

Its amazing how, just because I am separated from DH again I am already standing up forwhat i want and believe in more! Its strange how I fall back into the submissive role when we are together?? Its like I feel i cant be as strong adn confident when we are together? Though I was a lot stronger and more confident this time around with DH than before the last separation, so we must be doing something right.

LOL, my pup got her first hair cut this morning so this arvo I said to DH i was heading down to the pet store to get her a $10 jumper to wear at night. He started the old, she doesnt need that, thats a waste of money, I gave him the look and he straight away backed down and shut up cause hey, the only reason we are stressed about money is because of him, and how is it fair that my pup has to go cold overnight but he gets to drive his brand new XR6 to work that he cannot afford??? Freakin doush bag LOL

:hug: my dear friend.
I am proud of you for standing up for you though.

thank kim :)