Help Me Get Breastfeeding Right The Second Time Around

Ok, warning, this is long! Suffice to say that breastfeeding DS was an absolute disaster. Basically anything that could go wrong for us, did go wrong and to this day I am so disappointed in myself, and really the whole situation and how it deteriorated right before my eyes.

I have very strong beliefs about the importance of breastfeeding. There was no question in my mind that we would breastfeed. To me, humans feed their babies, pure & simple. Artificial feeding was not an option for us. So to have it all come crashing down for us was such an emotional blow, and I am looking forward to doing a much better job with our second bub. So all you wonderfully supportive ladies here on BB, help me get this right the second time!

A bit about our experience the first time around. I had an emergency c-section which was hurdle number one if you like. I do believe it had an impact on our breastfeeding journey, though I know many other mums who have c-sections establish breastfeeding really well. DS had a strong suck but very poor attachment. His tiny little mouth and a high arched palate (which was discovered at about 10 days old) meant that the nipple trauma in those early days was brutal.

So he came off the boob and I started expressing to give the BBs a rest and speed up the healing process. Then the infections started. Every time we were almost ready to try and attach him again, another obstacle would find us. First it was nipple thrush. Next a staph infection in one of the wounds on my left BB. My nipples were not healing and the expressing was simply damaging them even further. My supply couldn’t keep up. The final straw was a major bout of mastitis and a particularly nasty bacterial infection in one of the cracks that really never healed. I was so sick and exhausted – my body was completely spent and I was going backwards fast. I was surviving on moments of sleep caught here and there. At five weeks when the last lot of infections took hold, I switched to formula. To say I was disappointed is an understatement – I’m still not ok with it. But we have to move on.

At the end of the day, I know that our experience came down to really back luck & bad timing for the most part. I truly believe I did everything I could have to get things right. I had great support - my midwife who visited regularly, called me on the phone, sat with me through feeds trying to get things right. I visited the LCs at the hospital postnatal clinic twice a week to keep troubleshooting all these problems that kept cropping up. DP was with me EVERY STEP of the way. He was just amazing. Gripped my hands at those feeds where I was bleeding & raw. Got up to bottle feed DS while I would be expressing at all hours of the night. Fed me nutritious food. I truly don’t know what I could have done differently? I felt then and I still feel now like a failure – I was weak and selfish. I feel I should have continued in the face of whatever pain or illness I was experiencing, because that really wasn’t the most important thing – DS was and I feel like I’ve let him down.

So tell me, what do you think I can do to give myself and my next bub the best chance to succeed at breastfeeding? I know I need to let go of some of the emotional baggage from my experience with DS. But practical things I guess? I guess I feel like I did all the right things to prepare for breastfeeding and it still all went wrong? I felt like I had such little influence on the problems we faced. I went to a b/f education session with the Birth Centre I intended to birth at. I had a great midwife and great LCs to support me. Great support at home. I’m an ABA member and went to my local group and talked to the counsellors. I logged on here at BB and posted for ideas & support.

So help me out with anything I haven’t thought of that might be useful. I know that I’ll try and get to an ABA specific breastfeeding education session. And I have the details of a private LC that I will ring as soon as bub is born, to come to my house ANYWAY, just to have that support at my fingertips. I’m going to use cloth breast pads instead of those hideous disposable ones. And I’m going to hope like mad that things just work a little bit better than they did the first time round. And keep my fingers crossed.

If you’ve read all of this, well done & thanks!

I have no experience with BF but just wanted to offer you some support.

I think you're doing or have done everything you can to give yourself the best chance. I was going to suggest classes as I did one just a couple of days ago and it's given me enormous confidence. I think that the more you focus on what happened last time, the more impact it'll have on what may happen this time. Like you said, you need to let it go - all those things that happened to you last time were just nasty, dumb, bad luck events and nothing to do with what you did or didn't do. So there's no reason to think that they'll happen again this time.

I wish you the best of luck and hope it all turns out well for you.

First of all :hug:

For me BFing DD3 did a lot of healing emotionally from what happened with DD2. It sounds like you did everything you could hun. Don't beat yourself up about it because it was out of your control. You stuck it out for a lot longer than a lot of women would. It sounds to me like you have everything prepared that you possibly can.

Remember that this is a whole new experience. #2 wont necessarily have the same difficulties as #1 did, and you are a strong woman. Good luck and I hope you can have that BF time that you so desire :hug:

I think your first step is letting go of any feelings of failure you may still have about your first experience. I'm no expert, but it sure sounds to me like you did everything you could.
Are you having another caeser? The ABA does have advice for breastfeeding after a c/s that might be helpful. ETA - oops, no sorry, just saw the VBAC in your signature!
An LC at your fingertips sounds like a great idea. The only other thing I would suggest is extra help around the house so you can concentrate on your little one and not have to worry about things like cleaning and cooking.
All the best :hug:

:hug: It sounds like you've been over and over what happened with your DS and you're using it to try to see how you could do better next time around. You know of a lot more of the perils and pitfalls that you found yourself in last time, so take that on board as information, but try not to let the emotional aspect play on #2.

Firstly, you've identified that he had a high palate that wasn't diagnosed. So you couldn't have done anything about that. Next time around, baby might not have that problem, but even if they do, you'll know enough to not put your nipples through 10 days of hell before it's found. So hopefully you'll avoid the damage. Everything else stems from the initial problem, as you've described it here. It's not uncommon, you just got very unlucky and didn't heal well. :(

So next time around, I'd suggest you join the ABA. Now, before you give birth. They'll be holding an early daze or bfing education class in your area probably before your baby is born. That will help enormously in setting you up to establish bfing correctly. They also have information to help you overcome any challenge that might come along. A LC is great, have you thought about talking to one of the ones you saw (if you felt they were good) before birth as well?

Another thing I'd say is if you develop any of the signs of infection next time around, get onto them early and don't wait. Do you think you can identify the early signs, so you don't have to wait until you're really sick? I unfortunately had mastitis more times than I care to remember (dodgy ducts from oversupply) and I learnt what the very early signs were, got straight onto it with ice packs after feeding, anti-inflammatories and into the GP ASAP. My GP was very good with her bfing knowledge (bf three children herself and had attended a conference on mastitis just before I showed up with it, lucky for me!), but if you think you weren't diagnosed quickly enough (particularly with the staph infection), think about finding another GP.

You might also want to look up baby led attachment (there's a great clip on you tube, might even be on here). That can help establish correct attachment from birth.

GL, hun.

Thanks for your kind words & support, it really means a lot.

Marcellus, I am aiming for a VBAC but conscious of the fact that I have to be prepared for another c-section if things don't go to plan. So the ideal goal is a lovely vaginal birth and to do baby-led attachment as soon as we can, skin to skin immediately etc. But I know I can work that all into a c-section back-up plan too.

Jennifer, I was a member of the ABA before DS was born and still am. They were helpful to connect with the first time, so I'll definitely be using them again. And I'm booking into one of their classes as well. You're so right - this time around, I'm more aware of the perils and obstacles that can crop up, so will be on the lookout for all the early signs. The LCs at the hospital were fantastic ladies and so supportive, but they were so busy in their clinic - dealing with lots of other mums going through similar things. So I will stay in touch with them, as well as have someone on hand to come to my home privately for that additional one-to-one support.

Thanks again x

B'f is not easy even in the best of circumstances, so you surely had a lot of obstacles to overcome. you cant blame any of that on yourself.

I know how painful the first few days/weeks and sometimes months of breastfeeding are as i b'f my 3 bubs. It wasnt until the 3rd time round that a friend introduced me to nipple guards and boy im glad she did.

I used them right from the word go while still in hospital (much to the midwives displeasure) but i just did not want to go thru that initial pain, so i didnt.

I only needed to use them for a few weeks and after that i could b'f without them...without the pain

so if you find that the pain is causing you problems again, try nipple guards...they are great for getting you over the hardest part of b'f.

Infinity, what a difficult time you had with your DS :hug: That is a lot for any one to cope with, let alone a sleep deprived mum. You did an awesome job to give bfing a go. I am really sorry that you feel disappointed with yourself. It sounds to me like you tried everything you could but the situation was just too difficult at the time. I hope you can find peace with yourself because you really did your best :hug:

It sounds like you are already doing all the right things to have a different result this time. The ABA is such a great source of support, and the Breastfeeding Education Classes really are the best preparation you can have for bfing, even when it's not your first baby. The other thing to keep in mind if you have another c-section, is to have as much skin-to-skin as you can with the baby to kick start the hormones. This is especially important if you are separated for a while. Also, having the 1800 mum 2 mum number handy is a good idea so you can get help when you need it.

You sound very determined and I think you have a great chance of bfing this time around. I wish you all the very best.