So hard to keep going....

It's been 4 years TTC. 16 months of unexplained infertility, 2 early miscarriages, a diagnosis of ovarian cancer (lost one of my ovaries), another early miscarriage, IVF which resulted in another miscarriage. With such a rollercoaster, I took a hiatus in 2009 to get some solid answers. My new fertility specialist did biopsies when I was ovulating to find that the problem was low progersterone (I had every other test e.g. immune and chromo etc.. under the sun done and knew the progesterone was right).

When he did the biopsy, he used progesterone pessaries to experiment. Anyway, we continued to try naturally for a few months to no avail. I went to my oncologist in Dec to be told I now had 5 cycsts in my ovary and it looked like the tumour was returning, though it's still benign. I didn't want to do IVF as that makes my tumour grow. So, I negotiated for 3 rounds of IUI before we do IVF. I have just done my 2nd round of IUI and both rounds used Pregnyl instead of pessaries to hold the pregnancy. Why, I don't know (when I got good results with pessaries with the biopsy last year).

I just got my period this morning but I know I was pregnant last weekend. It was the same early signs I always get before I lose the pregnancy. It's happened 5 times now and I know my body.

I'm scared when I see my specialist on Monday he'll put my symptoms down to fake symptoms brought on by pregnyl. It's just, I know my body and I want to get him to listen to me. I also want to get a better idea of why he prescribed pregnyl instead of pessarie (or both). I am thinking of canceling my Oncologist appointment in April. He wants to give me a hystorectomy and I need more time.

This is my first post on such a website in the whole 4 years. I don't have many people I can talk to about this stuff - most chicks couldn't begin to understand the pain. :shakehead:

BBC I am so sorry you have had such a horrendous journey ttc a forever baby. I know the pain of my own journey ttc and how that affects every aspect of my life and the pain that brings. I can only imagine the pain your going through having had such a difficult journey and still feeling no closer to having your baby/s. I have everything crossed for you that a miracle bub is coming your way.

BBC, unfortunately I have no advice but I just wanted to let you know I read your post and am thinking of you:hug:. I truly hope you get your sticky, healthy bub soon.

BBC i am so sorry your TTC journey has been so hard, i can't begin to imagine what your going through.

All i can say is BB is a wonderful community full of very supportive people, some are just there to listen and others have been through it all.

I only hope that someone has the right words for you and can help your through.

Best of luck!

BBC I am so sorry for your losses hun, infertility is such an awful, traumatic and devestating rollercoaster. All of this leaves so many emotional scars.

Honey, you are right it is your body and nobody, and I mean NOBODY knows it like you do. Make this specialist answer your questions and if he doent have the answers then perhaps go speak to one of your nurses (I found they were much more understanding), they might be able to give you some answers.

It is so hard to keep going and I dont have any answers but always know that there are so many beautiful ppl on BB who are here to lend a should when its needed. :hug:

I do hope you get your forever baby soon xx

Lily Dust

:comfort: having taken 5 pg and 5 years if TTC to finally bring home my first son I feel your pain...

I know I use this quote a lot with m/c and loss posts but it truly brought me comfort during some of the hardest days of my life

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

So sorry you have had such a hard road trying for a baby. Very very unfair. Good luck with your specialist appointment. It's your right to ask for as much information as you want and to explore all the options. I hope your specialist will take the time to listen and go through things with you. I hope things look up for you soon. :hug:

Wow, I'm feeling overwhelmed and humbled and so grateul.

How amazing it is to feel truly understood for the first time in so many years.

Mildez, Chedy 47, Zarava Flutterby, Lily Dust and Rach 75....each of your words bring me such great healing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

So wonderful to know there is a Sistahood that supports one another through what I believe is one of the most painful journeys for a woman. Believe me, the cancer bit was easy compared to the rest.

You are all wonderful women. Thank you for taking the time to reply and spread your love and inspiration.

Am seeing my specialist tomorrow Will let you know how I get on.

Blessings.......:hello:

BBC - sweetie. There are no words, only love and understanding. I am so heartbroken by your devastating journey and so inspired by your strength and determination.

How did your appointment go today?