Single Parent?

Hi there,

I am new here and have just found out that I am pregnant. I was excited by the news, but my partner of a year says he does not want anything to do with it, and that I am on my own. Its all just feeling a bit much and I want to know how did you get through it, how do you prepare yourself to be a single mum? Will by partner ever want to be involved in our babys life? How do i get through this?

Thanks, open to hearing anyones advice!

Hi there FirstTimer and welcome.

There are a lot of women who raise children on their own, through the pregnancy and birth. Surround yourself with supportive people and you will be just fine.

Your XP will make his own choices about what he wants to do, whether he wants to be involved, or what part he will play in your child's life. There is nothing you can do to make those choices for him - you will just have to live with his choices knowing that they are HIS, and you can't change them (or him for that matter).

You are carrying YOUR child - you make decisions about the pregnancy and birth and at least the first few months of your child's raising. You can (and probably should) consider his opinions on most things, but remember whilst the child is growing inside YOU, then YOU make the choices about what is best for baby.

You will be the best parent for YOUR child.

Congratulations on being pregnant.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and yes, you can do it on your own. It's hard but I just kept reminding myself that there are women who choose to do this on their own. A friend's friend lives in the US and she has been trying for some years to have a baby but was not able to and this year she has adopted an 18month old from Rwanda. I've never lived with my DP but we'd been seeing each other for 5 years when I fell pregnant a third time (first two occasions were miscarriages). He decided that he wasn't going to be a part of it, told me by text message that he'd meant to break things off anyway before Christmas. It was a terribly unhappy time. My BB friends advised me to do what he wanted and cease contact with him, which I did. A few months later he decided that he would, afterall, like to continue our weird relationship. Didn't mean that he was there for DS's birth, or DS's first Christmas, his first birthday or even the Christmas just gone. BUT I have a little boy who I love to the moon and back and I wouldn't change a thing. Your friends and your family become even more important and you learn to cope. BB is a fantastic resource and support. Welcome to BB!

oh darl :( I know how you feel 100%. I had a very similar thing happen to me and it hurts.

Just remember you WILL be fine. Each day it hurts a little less, and by the time you are holding that gorgeous baby in your arms you will have forgotten all about the pain you are feeling now.

His loss. You will be fine. He may or may not wake up to himself at some stage but believe me it's not something you can change, or worry yourself over. It's pointless... I wasted so much time pondering that question myself. Right now, I have an 18 month old, who is gorgeous and adorable, whom I love with all my heart, and who does not see his father at all... for me, I just don't have to share him ;)

hey hun, Im glad you came in to here for support x

I second everything Divvy said. Divvy is a wonderful strong intelligent woman and single mum, I regard her very highly, definately listen to her advice.

Just remember that we are all here for you day and night whenever you need to vent about things.

All your baby needs is YOU. Just try and concentrate on YOU and YOUR baby and no one else xxx

Hi there.

I am 22. And I am 11 weeks and 3 days pregnant with my first child. I did not plan this.

The father was a one night encounter with a friend of a friend. HE is younger than me, only 18 and has gone back to school to try and finish year 12 for real this time around.

I told him I was pregnant the day after I found out, at around 5 weeks. He sounded okay with it on the phone, stating that he was too busy for this, and he can't handle this because he is studying and he can't deal with the responsibility. He didn't say anything nasty like get rid of it or anything like that. So I figured that in time he'll probably come round.

Since then I have not heard from him. He claims to have broken his phone, but I just know he changed his number. I ran into him once up the street and attempted a conversation but he was 'late for school' and walked off while I was still speaking..

The first few weeks I was distraught about it. I was intent on talking to him so I could plan what to do next. It was stressing me out and I wasn't sleeping.

then I saw the light.. (so to speak)
DIVVY IS RIGHT!!
As much as I want him involved, I don't NEED him right this minute. I NEED to be doing whatever is best for my baby. So I'm focused on having a good pregnancy and not stressing over him, I have been sleeping so much better :)
I made MY plan for me and MY baby. If he decides to show up down the track, he can fit into MY plan wherever he suits, but I realized my plan does not have to revolve around him in the first place.

Hope your partner comes around and gets his act together (and I hope my baby daddy does too)..

xoxo

thanks so much for all of your kind words! It really is such a tough time for what should be a really exciting time. I have heard nothing, phone calls and texts are not being returned. so I guess you are right, I cant change this, so I just need to formulate a plan for me and by baby.

I am not quite ready to talk to family and friends about this, as I am very very early stages of pregnancy! Actually, just got the blood test and the results say that the levels in the text indicate 7 days gestation. Does this mean I am seven days, or 3 weeks? Sorry, Not sure and a bit confused by what i am reading! Have my next appointment with the GP this week so I am sure that I will find out more then.

Anyway, thanks again for the support, time to focus on me and my baby, not the father.

great to hear you are feeling more positive about things :)

Hi there, not sure how i feel really! I am confused, scared, feeling alone, but at least i know what i need to do and where i need to focus.

So much of me wishes he would contact me, just so we can go through this together, but if he doesnt want to be there, i guess i am going to be better off in the long run?

Its all just so confusing.

Hey First Timer,
What a scary place to be in. But at the same time it's amazing because you're going to have a little person growing inside of you who's going to be swimming around and kicking you and then in a few months time they'll come out to say hello. They will be a little sleep stealer, you will be exhausted but every day there will be some new amazing thing that he/she does which makes it all worth while.
All I can say is surround yourself with lots of positive people. If you have a BFF or someone close grab them to help out. Bring them along to the USS. Have them there for support. If you've got a supportive family even better if not maybe even look into a doula or someone who can be there to support you through the birthing process. You have a long hard road ahead of you but it will be worthwhile in the end.
Congratulations
Mel
xox

Thank you! Not coping well today, i told my sister, who has a 10 month old and she said she would support me terminating the pregnancy, because she has a partner, a home and two incomes and she said its the hardest thing she has ever done and she doesnt want me to do it alone.

My Best Friend does not want me to continue with the pregnancy due to it always being a part of the father, who she despises for how he treats me.

I want to do this, termination is not an option. I just dont know how i am going to do this.

you need to try and find people who will support you in your decision to have this baby. I totally understand your sister and friends concerns for your well being, but they will come to realise that you want this baby and are having this baby and then Im sure they will be supportive to you and bubs. Yes, being a single mum is hard, but it is doable and it can be great.

Oh hunny that really sucks about your sister and your best friend. Tell them that there is no other option and you understand their right to have an opinion but that you would prefer that they be supportive of you in YOUR decision.
If they are decent people who love you, they will come around. Give them some time.

I feel incredibly lucky to have a family like I do and the friends that I have because my support network will be great. It does not mean it will be easy for me. I'm sh*t scared still. But I know I'll survive. and you will too :D
Do what you think is best for your baby and others will come along and help you if they truly care about you, you'll see.

And to answer your earlier question, 7 days gestation is the same as 3 weeks along. If you were only 7 days along, theoretically you wouldn't have even done the deed yet and wouldn't be pregnant yet so the test could never have been positive.

I hope you feel better soon, and I am here to talk any time.

I had a lot of people who had the same attitude "i.e. have an abortion, if I were you I would have an abortion, get rid of it, have an abortion or never talk to me again". It was pretty tough especially when you can feel all those changes your body is making. It is a very tough job being a mum too. Most of those people who said those things to me when I reminded them after they were gushing over my son were like "I can't believe I said that, I'm sorry, I love him" and some people just werent having around.
It is really tough. I went to counselling at work and they didnt help a lot but I wonder if you accessed help through a pregnancy related service such as family planning they might be able to offer a bit more assistance. ie. Talk through your options, help you plan for baby.etc.
Hang in there, be strong, we're all here for u too ;)
Mel
xox

I hope you don't mind my posting in here, I am not a single mum and never have been, but if my sister or BFF came to me and told me she was preg I wouldn't dream of telling her to terminate.
There is no doubt in the world that parenthood is the most challenging thing you can do in life and I take my hat off to every single parent, be it mum or dad, for getting through it on their own, but I tell you it is the most rewarding thing you can do in life! Each and everyday you can be proud of yourself and your little person.
I personally would be going back to both your sister and BFF and tell them a termination is not an option, you are having your baby and would like their support regardless of what they feel about the situation or the father! If there is no luck there then I'd be looking for people who will support you and your decision because they are the people that are truely thinking about YOU!
I wish you all the very best with the road ahead, all the streghth to get through the hard days and hope your bub's father comes around soon. :hug:

Always remember we are all stronger than we realise, you'll suprise yourself with how strong you truely are and can get through anything thats thrown at you.

Oh and I believe if bub is 1 week gest. that makes you 3 weeks preg, still early on, but you've gotta start somewhere dear! :)