Suddenly overly worrying about DS

I know we worry about our children but all of a sudden I am constantly worrying about DS14. I suppose because it's school holidays and he is always out with his friends he has barely been home all week. I am worried he is going to do something silly and get hurt, when he is not here I am always hoping he is safe. His 14yr old friend was in a speeding car on Sunday which was wrapped around a pole and the driver died. Would he get into a car? He has friends with their licence, I would hope not but maybe he would. When he is sleeping at his mates house, what are they doing? Roaming the streets at night? I just want him to be home safe with his family.

Regards,
Dianne

Dianne that accident was tragic and shocking. Perhaps use this as an opportunity to talk to your DS and discuss limits (such as getting into a car with someone who has drunk alcohol, taken drugs, or likes to speed) and safety (ie calling if he is out, even if he is at a sleepover, so you know where he is, etc etc)

I do not have a teenager so I am completely unqualified to answer really, but theoretically that is what I would do.

T
xx

Its called being a mum..to a teenager!!!!
I really don't think there is much we can do, just have to hope what we already did was good enough.. my parents did a reasonable job with me, but I still did a lot of things without their knowledge, you do think you are invinciable and it will be someone else..
I guess if you try to keep him home more or start to check up on him, it will cause resentment and he will defy you.
Maybe ???just sit and have the casual talk about the things that have been happening lately.

diannescruffy, can i ask was that the one with the 14yr old girl?

If so she said on TV that if she could say one thing to other kids is to just tell your friend to STOP, pull over and just get out and call someone else to come get them (thats for speeding not drinking).

I def think now is the time to have a chat with him though, not a lecture just a sit down and ask how he feels about what his friend went through and what he would do in the same situation.

I think all parents worry but in the long run it's hard as we can't control what they do, we can only make sure they are well informed, know that your there for him and hope he makes the right decisions.
I'm sure you have raised a smart and well aware young man.

I know what you mean DIanne, it IS really scary. You have to give them a little bit of freedom but there's a lot of crossed fingers that they won't do something really dumb.

I've had the chat with DSD who's a bit older and who I know drinks - she claims she drinks very sensibly and I've seen no evidence to the contrary and she's only allowed to stay out overnight if DP has spoken to the parents so we know that there's some supervision.

Anyhow, I've told her that I would prefer she didn't drink (she's nearly 17) but that she should never, ever get into a car with someone who has. If that means that she phones me from woop woop unable to get home and I pay a big cab fare, then so be it, that's what she has to do. I've told her that she should never be too embarrassed to make the call, even if she's drunk - I won't be happy if she's drunk but far more preferable to her getting in a car.

She seemed to take it on board and has phoned me saying that she couldn't get home - I said, no probs and paid the cab fare.

I can JUST remember my teen years. I am proud to say I was responsible. If you keep an open line of communication and trust your DS he should be fine hun. Half the issue is having trust with parents. I admit I did some slightly crazy things but at the end of it I made sure I always kept safe. I didn't want my parents to stop trusting me. By all means I had boundaries but at the end of the day they felt comfortable with me going out because they always made sure they kept that line of communication open.

Fionas- A few times I've gone to parties and the so called designated drivers have started drinking and decided to drive home. I refused to get in the car with them. I have become stuck in the past myself and my parents said "If you need to get home, call us and we'll either collect you or pay a taxi". They did get a few calls at 3am and they made sure they weren't upset with me. They knew I was being responsible.

I guess what I'm trying to say Dianne is maybe tell your DS you'd like to know more about what he gets up to and maybe tell him if he's ever stuck don't hesitate to call no matter what hour it is. Kids really do love knowing parents sometimes worry too!

HTH!

Thanks girls, it was the accident with the 14yr old girl, he actually saw and spoke to her yesterday, her boyfriend was thrown from the car and still in a serious condition. We had a talk about it and I've told him before about getting into cars other than his friends parents and if he's ever stuck anywhere, anytime to call me and I will pick him up. I do always ring the parents if he's sleeping over. Two nights ago he was sleeping at his mates house and two other of his mates came to our house at 11.30p.m asking for him. One of the boys lives a few blocks from us but why are they roaming the streets at that hour, so makes me wonder does he do the same when away from home. He knows here at home he always needs to be back before dark and has always done so. To think I still have another 3 to go through all this :pray:.

Regards,
Dianne

Dianne- My sister got her Ps yesterday and she said she got them so that her mates had a safe method of transport. She's 18 going on 40 btw :lol: not all teenagers are irresponsible and you might be thinking "well she said that to you" or along those lines but I can guarantee most kids won't speed or drink and drive. It's the minority hun!

Also regarding roaming the streets at odd hours; maybe ask him? it will put your mind at ease hun. and have that chat with him. He'll be nice and open to ya and you won't worry (so much anyway). HTH

Thank you for sharing that about your sister, she sounds very mature and responsible. DS already can't wait to get his learners. I know he's still young but he always says he's going to buy a car and do it up himself and that he wants a fast car, two exhausts, that sort of thing. Maybe it's just a boy thing. I think I've just had a bad week, attended two funerals and it just really hits home.

Regards,
Dianne

does he and you have a cell phone maby you could get him to text you every now and again to make sure he is ok you do have a right to know where he is and what he is doing