Just lost my bean...

Hi All,

I should be 12w3d today, but last Sunday afternoon I started feeling crampy and went to the bathroom to see brown mucus with a speck of blood. I tried not to panic, but later that night it turned into red blood on the TP. As we are TTC #1 and I had already experienced a chemical late last year (5w3d), I had decided to go with a private ob and found one with a good reputation. So I called his pager that night, but being Easter Sunday my ob was not on call. The doctor covering him called me back, saying that if I don't bleed heavily, wait until my NT scan that was booked for Wednesday but to go to the ER if I was in pain or started bleeding.

I didn't bleed too much that night, but felt crampy. I was visiting family in the country so we decided to drive back to Melbourne first thing Monday morning and go straight to the ER as there was no way I was going to wait two more days without reassurance. The hospital was went to was amazing - we saw a doctor within 1/2 an hour, but unfortunately she checked my cervix and found it was already open. Still being a public holiday, they were unable to get a sonographer to have a look, but the resident ob gave me an ultrasound (not promising it to be accurate) but couldn't find a heartbeat and confirmed that my cervix was open and the sack was quite close to it. She also said that the baby was a bit behind in size for my dates and said that it must have passed some time in between my last scan at 8w, where there was a good strong heartbeat and perfect size, and now - but she couldn't give me an accurate indication of exactly when.

They advised my that I could be admitted to have the m/c or go home and come back the next day for a scan to check that everything had passed. I was so scared and could not bear the though of going through this at home so I decided to stay at the hospital overnight to wait for the inevitable and the scan in the morning. The only good thing about this experience was how I was treated by the staff. I was handled with so much understanding and compassion, and I don't know how DH and I would have managed on our own. I ended up bleeding quite heavily and passed out as my blood pressure dropped really low.

I had a scan the following morning and they said that everything had come away cleanly and I didn't need a D&C thankfully. Once I got home from the hospital, I called my ob's office and spoke to the receptionist and let her know what had happened. The midwife there told her that since I had called the pager service, my ob would know and would call me either that day or the next and she scheduled a new appointment for me to see him in two weeks. Well, as of today I still haven't heard from him and they have little detail of what happened.

Frankly I'm quite upset by this as I was going to pay quite a lot of money ($5K or so) to have my baby delivered by him. DH is very angry about the lack of contact too. I'm now in a bit of a dilemma as I'd like some help with getting some basic tests done as this is now two m/c in a row and I'm turning 35 next month, but I'm disappointed with the lack of contact after this happened and am not sure if I can trust that he will assist promptly if anything goes wrong in the future. I'd like some answers too as he assured my that since my scan at 8w looked good there was little chance of anything going wrong. I've also heard that now that I've had 2 without a full term pregnancy, my risk of another m/c goes up to 40% and would like to be closely monitored for the next one and am not sure that I'll get that with the public system. On the other hand, I'd go back to the maternity hospital where I had the m/c in a heartbeat.

So many people knew about this as I was showing quite obviously by 10w as I'm short and it had nowhere to go but out. I have to face work on Monday, but thankfully my family and friends have been compassionate and supportive and there haven't been too many insensitive comments.

Sorry this is so long winded - I'm so devastated by this and have barely stopped crying all week and I would like to know what you all think about the way my ob handled (or didn't handle) this. I know there was nothing he could do, but a phone call would have been appreciated.

Anyway, thanks for reading this.

Jane

I am so sorry for you loss :hug: And I am sorry your ob is being not very understanding :( I hope you can get in contact with him and I hope you can get some answers.

Hugs so sorry for your loss.

When I had a mc and d and c done the OB receptionist rang me the next day to check I was ok.

I hope you have a quick TTC journey now Good luck and may your angel fly free and watch over you.

xoxo

Hi janev, I'm so sorry for your loss :hug: I'm pleased that you and your DH have the support of your family and friends at this time.

I can certainly understand why you would be upset and disappointed not to hear from your OB, particularly after his MW told you that he would ring you. As you say, he couldn't have done anything for you but a phone call and a word of comfort doesn't seem like too much effort! My OB is really not great at the 'touchy feely' stuff, but I continue to see him because I know that he is an excellent clinician. If I need comfort (as I did during my last pg) he is not my man, although his staff are fantastic. I guess, in considering whether to return to the same OB you need to decide whether you can accept his bedside manner - or lack of it! If you and your DH will continue to feel angry and distrustful of him, perhaps it would be better for you to consult with a different OB.

Perhaps you could keep your 2 week appointment and discuss with your OB why you feel unhappy and disappointed. If you leave feeling dissatisfied with his response it's probably time to look for someone new.

I'm also in Melbourne and I pay about $5K for my OB who lacks a little in the bed side manner department... I wonder if we see the same doctor??:think:

Once again janev, I am very sorry for the loss of your angel.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I'm seeing my gp this week and I'll go to my follow up with my ob and see what happens. Going back to work was pretty hard, but I guess hard things are worth it in the end.

Janev - oh darling, my heasrt just breaks that you had to endure such heartache again. I am so glad tht you made the decision to stay in hospital. It can make all the difference in the world to be treated with such compassion and respect.

I recommend you seek testing. Ianna has a really good outline of possible tests and reasons for them in the recurrent miscarriage sticky. I will find the link and add it at the end.

I recommend you keep your appointment with your ob. As hard as it is, I think its best and actually ask him about the lack of follow up he has offered and how that makes you feel. I know its hard.

I also recommend that you call the hospital that treated you so well and get a list of the Obs that deliver there and ask them for their recommendation for an Ob who has experience with high risk pregnancies.

I doubt that you would get continuity in your care if you went public. You probably don't yet fit the “criteria” for admission to the high risk clinic. However I know from girls here on BB they feel they have had exceptional care in the public system. For me continuity of care and not having to explain myself over and over is important.


I am lucky that I have always felt very supported by my ob who has been with me throughout my journey. Not always on call, but very attentive and caring and good with followup. He seems to have good clinical skills and experience too. I have seen other obs in my time and I am feel I am lucky to have found a genuinely nice and caring person. For me ( and I am a pretty calm and relaxed person), it makes all the difference in the world. Any future pregnancy is going to be fraught with worry and the literature says that TLC and early ante natal care from your Ob is crucial. I to have read those statistics and it scares me. But I refuse to accept them. They don't apply to me until they do apply. I believe. Try not to worry about the stats. Focus on healing yourself and grieving your precious angel.

Glad that you managed going back to work, proud of you.

Go gently.

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