baby wont settle unless i am holding him

hi, my DS is 9 weeks old tomorrow and he is our first child. over the last couple of weeks I am finding that I am holding him more then normal and he wont settle unless either myself or DH is holding him. often i have to hold him to get him to sleep and I would prefer if I didnt have to do this. he was really good at self settling until a couple of weeks ago when DH's mum rocked him to sleep then held him for over an hour. i was not impressed with her doing this as at the end of the day, we are the ones that have to deal with all of this.
does anyone have any suggestions. i cant do any housework unless he is asleep and in his cot/bassinette. he would normally go in his swing or playmat but now wont stay any longer then 5 mins in there without crying and wanting to be picked up and held. i dont know what to do.

Hi teresa, firstly congrats on your bubba!

From memory there is a wonder week around the 10 week mark so perhaps that is contributing (have you heard of wonder weeks? they are developmental milestones and occur at pretty predictable times, with side effects such as clinginess poor sleep etc...google it)

Otherwise, it is pretty normal for babies to want to be in a parents arms. Do you have a sling? They really are a life saver, and you can go about your usual activities with them comfy and close.

It is also normal for bub to be clingy if they are getting a little cold, or perhaps a new environment - even the change of the weather!

I doubt your MIL holding the baby has really contributed, as babies don't really know routines and habits (imo anyway) until well after 12 weeks. I know it is frustrating when things suddenly stop working, but unfortunately (and sometimes fortunately) babies change so quickly, so that as soon as you're onto something good, they change again (which also means the bad times pass too!)

I have metamorphised so many times since dd was born. Cosleeping, self settling, rocking to sleep, feeding to sleep. We have done it all at different stages. Try and go with it if you can. It all goes so quickly!

Also, please remember there is no such thing as bad habits...you are doing the best you can with a little human, and some of these little humans are more demanding than others (I wish someone had warned me my child would be more stubborn than me!)

:hug: you're doing a grat job!

thank u arcadia. its so hard when things change. i hadnt heard of wonder weeks so i might google it and have a look. i love the cuddles it just gets a bit much when i am trying to do housework or its the middle of the night and all i want to do is sleep!!!
we do have a sling but i have only used it once as i get a sore back from using it.

Hi there,

My DS is almost 9 weeks and I understand what you mean with the clingyness, he's doing it a bit too!

I really doubt that your DH's mum rocking him to sleep once is the cause of this, I don't think babies can have habits until they're a bit older. I agree with Arcadia, I'm thinking it sounds like a wonder week, but you also have to remember that he's starting to really understand the world, that he can do things (move his legs and arms, "talk" etc) and everything he sees and does is completely new, and it would probably be a little bit scary too! He wants to feel mum & dad near him to comfort him and reassure him that everything he's seeing and feeling is okay. It's really normal for babies to want to be cuddled because of how snuggly they were in the womb. Are you wrapping him? That could really help.

Instead of rocking him to sleep, you could try rocking him until he's almost asleep and then laying him down and letting him self settle, it might be little easier for now. But if that doesn't work, just enjoy holding your beautiful bubs, forget the housework! Most mums will tell you you might as well get used to a messy house! It can get done when your DH is home, or have someone come over for a cuddle and do it then.
When my DS didn't like his playmat, it really helped to get down there with him and play with him, show him how it's done and how fun it can be for him.

Also with the sling, maybe give in another go? I just got one and it hurt me the first couple times because I hadn't figured out the best way to wear it. Fiddle with it a bit while it's on and DS is in (get your DH to help you) and you might be able to make it work for you.

HTH! :hug:

thank u so much everyone for your feedback. its been really helpful to know that there are other babies out there the same age doing the same things. i guess its just confusing to know what is normal as he is our first. i wrap him tightly but he always manages to wiggle out of that one. and i never let him cry to the point of tears. he will generally cry for about 30 secs before we pick him up and comfort him. there has only been a couple of occasions where he has cried with tears because i have been busy trying to organise a bottle for him or have been in the shower and cant get to him straight away. it breaks my heart to see those tears.

I would have to say that i agree with what has already been written.

What sling have you got? Maybe it was not on correctly or you need a better one? Most slings are designed so that you shouldnt get a sore back.

Enjoy this time with your baby, the house work can wait... babies have limited ways of telling us what they need - the most effective one is crying and they do it for all sorts of reasons.

I also agree that one occasion of being held and rocked to sleep is exceptionally unlikely to form a habit at this stage?

Do you BF? My DD fell asleep on me BF pretty much every time i fed her and that was how she slept, it hasnt done her any harm, she goes to bed alone now and self settles fine. I was always told that feeding a baby to sleep would cause problems, but to me it seem irrational to wake a sleeping baby just beacuse they are not meant to fall asleep when feeding... the same would also be applied to a Bottle fed bubba.

Your baby just wants to know that his Mumma is still there to protect him :) Congratulations on your little mans arrival

My DD went through the same thing at about that age, she was always a self settler before then. There are wonder weeks occuring at approx 8 weeks and 12 weeks of age and you will find that your bub's become more clingly around that time.

I only had about a week of DD wanting to be held and rocked to sleep and now she is a fabulous sleeper, who sleeps between 13-14 hours at night and is a happy self settler.

Ring slings are great, they don't have all the awkward straps to tighten and they aren't too expensice if you get one off ebay. I held both girls and they both settle on their own and did so of their own accord from about 6 months. The first few weeks are all about bonding and getting to know each other enjoy the cuddles and get the housework done later.

[QUOTE=Arcadia;2262433]
I know it is frustrating when things suddenly stop working, but unfortunately (and sometimes fortunately) babies change so quickly, so that as soon as you're onto something good, they change again (which also means the bad times pass too!)

QUOTE]

This is definatly true for us, DD would go through stages of being settled a certain way and then, all of a sudden, that wouldn't work and we'd have to try something else.

FWIW, I held DD alot in the first 12 weeks or so when she was sleeping during they day (she always went into the cot at night) but she grew out of it. It goes so quickly so just enjoy the cuddles now, the housework can wait! Same with being fed to sleep - this was her main thing at night, and she grew out of it.

And I agree with Arcadia that habits don't really form until at least 12weeks old, so what you do know won't have an impact later.

Try a different type of sling as well - look in the babywearing forum in the gentle parenting area for some ideas. I've had a sling for both bubs and found it really helpful - with DS its a life saver as it leaves my hands free so I can deal with DD, get dinner sorted, do the washing, etc.

The Child and Youth Health have a good website with info on Wonder weeks. They also have a settling class for babies up to 4months and then a day service if sleep becomes a real issue at a later date.