to continue or not to continue???

Hey all you belly belly members,

I wanted to get some advise from people who may have experienced the same issue as I am going through now.

I am 25 and hubby is 28, we have been ttc 4+ years and have severe male factor infertility. After 2 years of testing, we started ivf/icsi treatments. We have had 2 failed cycles and 3 fet's. Currently we have 10 frozen embryos and hubby has also undergone corrective surgery for vericocele.

When we started, we had support of friends and family, but now, everyone is telling us we should take a break, that such intense treatments are destructive to my body and that we are still so young and have many years ahead of us to try to conceive. As much as this may be true, I have such a hard time giving up or thinking about waiting for some time before trying again. Who knows whether it will work then!

Does anyone have any advice re how long to keep trying, when to take a break, dealing with naysaying, worries about permanently damaging my reproductive cycle/ body, and when/if to change clinics, I would very much appreciate it!

:pray:

The only advice I can give you is to listen to your inner voice, discuss what you want to do with your husband and possibly a counsellor, and ignore everyone else.

It has taken us 11 years to finally concieve - and a lot of the people that were there at the beginning of the journey have dropped away, not understanding our drive to have a child.

We are using a donor so in slightly different circumstances to your own, however we had times where we were enthusiastically attempting a cycle, and other times where we gave ourselves a break and went on holidays etc. However the need was always there.

If you believe that your clinic is not helping then choose another. For example, there are AC specialists within the IVF world that approach things a little differently than others. Also, some complimentary medicines can help some people.

As far as your body - well again, this is your choice. LTTTC is a hard slog both emotionally and physically, but the only person that can really make this judgement is you.

Hi
I would have to say you need to do what is best for you and your husband. Not what everyone else thinks is best for you. Its hard for other people to understand our strong desire to become parents, especially when having children comes easily to them. If you do not want to give up ur dream of becoming a mum, then don't keep trying or look into different ways you can become a parent.
We tried to concieve naturally for 8 years before beginning IVF?ICSI. We had 5 unsuccessful cycles (2 freash, 3 frozen) before our 6th attempt (freash) resulted in pregnancy. Im soo glad we never gave up or I wouldn't have my little miracle man now.
Follow your heart - Do what you know is best for you & your hubby.
Good Luck xoxo

hi wonder,
im the same age as u (25 and hubby 25) i too get the "u are so young y not relax and let things happen" and i feel myself frustrated with this at times. we have been ttc for 2.5 yrs and have done 1 cancelled cycle and 1 stimulated cycle (failed embryo transfer) 0 frozen embryos and are about to do another stimulated cycle.

i know i would cut off my left leg if they told me that would give me a baby!!
i guess i think u will know in yourself if u need a break so follow your heart and i guess listen to your body u know it better than anyone else.
take care xx

I am always surprised at how insensitive some people can be. Especially if they have had no fertility issues. They find it quite hard to understand how the desire to have a baby can take over someone's life. Having said that though, I think sometimes we need to be aware of how we are coping realistically and not be blinded by that desire.

Having a break could be a good thing but should be because you have decided that it's what you need, not because someone else has convinced you.
Don't think I've helped much, just a long way of saying "do what you feel is right" he he

I was in the same position as you though it is me with the fertility issues we have been trying for over 3 years on and off I took breaks and I regret taking breaks and delaying it! So we just did it and told nobody had each others support and went from there when you don't have people telling you to relax or "it will happen when its right" its soo much better not hearing it all the time!

So I would say take a break if you feel yourself you need one if not keep going!!! I was 20 when I first started seeing or FS I am now 24 and we are finally there so don't give up keep going :) All the best on your journey xxoo

The wonderful thing about free advice is often that it is worth what you pay for it...especially from those who have not experienced what you are! As everyone else has said, you and your DH are the only ones that can know when you need to take a break or what course you need to follow. Talking it over with your FS or the councillors at the clinic can also help if you want to discuss options or 'what ifs'. We found it really hard to talk to family and friends as they were often more interested in where we were with cycles than how we were feeling or what we were thinking :wall:. The councillor really helped me in particular to think about what we could do moving forward.

In terms of your worries about damage to your body - I would talk to your FS to get some expert advice, but I am pretty sure that while there are risks from undergoing IVF (eg OHSS) the use of the treatments long term is not really one of them (but please check this with an expert). I think that we are at risk of mental exhaustion and stress more than the physical over the long term! Changing clinics - always a good thing to get a second opinion - irrispective of if you end up changing or not. If you have any doubts about your FS, then see another if only to confirm that you are on the right track. As those around you that are offering 'advice' - it is often the hardest thing to deal with. I became pretty good at changing the subject and in a few cases just said straight out that if they could not offer anything positive then not to talk about it! Something I read said that undergoing fertility treatment puts the same stress on you as someone fighting a life threatning illness faces. To me that puts into context the stress that we undergo and the support that we need - and should expect - from those around us. Unfortunatly we are often dissapointed.

I wish you and your DH the best of luck. It is great that you have those frosties in the freezer :D

Thank you to all those replies, its great to know others are in the same boat and how they dealt with it. We dont usually tell anyone where or when we are doing a cycle, and that helps a lot with the naysaying. We just underwent a corrective surgery for dh's vericocele, and decided to wait the 4 months until we get results before we continue. We took a long overdue vacation together, and are planning on going away for a week in the summer as well and starting again after that. I feel so empowered knowing that it is only my and dh's choice as to what and when to continue! Warm wishes and baby dust to all!