People who insist on sharing birthing horror stories to pregnant women

Ok, so allow me to set the scene for you....

Me, heavily pregnant at 37.5 weeks at the beautician I used to go to many years ago, ready to be waxed, plucked and preened prior to the upcoming birth.

I haven't been to this woman for around 2 years because she is usually so hard to get into but now that I am on mat leave, it was a cinch. Also chose her knowing that she is a mother of two and will not be aghast at the size of me, that state of my bikini-line, my stretch-marks and all the other lovely things that are making me feel unusually sensitive at this time in my pregnancy.

Whilst lying on the bed, we get into the usual small talk about where I am having baby, who is my Ob etc....

When I tell her who my Ob is, she follows up with "Oh right, so what do you know about him?". I tell her that I have heard great reports, did my research as best I could and that I actually really like him and feel comfortable with him. She then starts asking questions about "do I know what his policy is for ladies who have failed to progress?".

Wihout prompting, she launches into a story about how "someone she knows" went to him 11 years ago and he how he allegedly let this woman labour too long naturally when she had failed to progress, should have done an emergency caesar and as a result, this woman's child was deprived of oxygen, has severe spasticity, is in a wheelchair, has no quality of life etc etc...... She said it got dragged through the courts etc....

At this point in time, I am thinking :wtf:That is an awful thing that happened and who knows? Perhaps it could have been prevented? BUT...... You tell me this 2.5 weeks out from my due date. WTF do you think I am going to do? Run out and change obs???? It's not exactly what you need to hear at this point in time when as a first timer who has gone through IVF to get where I am, there is already enough angst going on (Not to say other mum's aren't just as nervous!).

I very calmly pointed out that there were many "bad stories" out there and that I believed in putting things into perspective. Yes, bad things happen sometimes but I really am trying to remain optimistic. I experienced this a lot when I did IVF also, "Oh..my friend has gone through 99999 cycles and hasn't been fallen pregnant yet" - you know the kind of stories? As I say, I know that for some people these are the harsh and cruel realities, but does it help to tell people about them?

I'm sure most of you will have a similar story!

What a silly, insensitive woman!!! That's the last thing you need to hear as you prepare for your baby's birth. I remember being about your stage of pg and my hairdresser telling me his sister used to be a midwife, I commented that it must be a difficult but very rewarding job, and he launches into all her horror stories, which I won't repeat to you. I came home and cried my eyes out. You don't need that ^&#% when you're about to have a baby.

Some people are idiots.

I'm sure your birth will be wonderful, and that your OB will handle it with the utmost professionalism.

:

---

Some people are idiots.

---

:yeahthat:

I got a few when I was pg. I asked how many children had been born to woman talking after said story. Then informed them that it couldn't be that bad and I'm not put off.

I do have my own "horror story" - that I don't share unless people ask. And, tbh, after working through it, it wasn't that bad. It wouldn't put me off having another child, never would have done even in the darkest of days. It would put me off one certain midwife in the hospital, but I'm having a freebirth if there's a next time as I got so sick of the midwives telling me I needed drugs I'm not going through that again. Hospitals don't try to hurt the baby. They want what's best for the baby.

Big big hugs! I was getting it at 32 weeks because people thought I was only a couple weeks due! From 32wks, I was getting 'Oh my wife had a 10lb baby, natural' and 'Oh I remember with my first that I was 10 days overdue, then failed to progress so then the dr had to rush me in for an emergency c-section and it was so hectic' (which ended up happening for me but I was on the happy stuff at the time - and boardering on no sleep! - that it didn't phase me as much)
So I know how you feel, I got the horror stories too :( HUGE hugs :hug: It's not somthing you need to hear right now

In my first pregnancy I wore a badge saying "only positive birth stories please, my baby is listening". I agree, a poor choice of conversation for this woman, she should be ashamed.

To put things in perspective, if what she is saying is true, the doctor would have been struck off or fired from the hospital. Accidents do happen in birth, they can happen to anyone, but unsafe practitioners are not allowed to continue. Especially after a high profile case that is "dragged through the courts". I am sure your Ob is very safe and competent, and your birth will be wonderful.

Gee could she be anymore sensitive :o

I think you were very polite in your response:clap: :clap:, I hope she doesn't do it to too many other people :shakehead:

I have a horror story but won't share, I think you have heard enough for this pregnancy :hug:

I also got a few "horror stories" when I was pregnant and replied with sarcasm "wow, that is a lovely story".

That soon shut people up - and 9 times out of 10 the person had the good grace to realise what they were doing and look embarrassed.

Hugs,
Sue x

i dont know why people feel the need to share these horrible stories with 'about to pop 1st time mums".
When was the last time you were accosted in the queue at the supermarket and told about a lovely calm birth, fully supportive medical staff and a lovely pink baby.....we need more of these stories from strangers :) :) :)
But i agree with what traveler said, If your OB had done something wrong and it had been 'dragged through the courts'' he wouldnt still be an OB :) as hard as it is, try to put these silly comments out of your mind.
I tell you what i LOVED when i was heavily pregnant, the look on the faces of other ladies with kids when they walked passed me in the street, that big knowing smile they give you that just says, "Your so lucky" "your about to meet your baby for the first time". That was enough to erase any negitive comments (most days anyway :) )
Hugs to you :hug:

Now pop over to the birth stories section and get a good old dose of positive birth stories ( there are hundreds to choose from!) to counteract all that yucky negativity! :)

Birth is beautiful, you'll be grand xox

you should have replied with your own horror story of how some women you've heard of refuse to allow the ob to take them for emergency c-s because they beleive they can birth on their own :lol:

I have a horror story of my own that is up on this site but there were positive aspects to it as well and now I know what I can do differently next time :) it has not put me off falling pregnant again and I am actually looking forwards to the labour/birth but that is 7months away yet :D
Can't wait to hear your wonderful story when it happens :D

I don't understand why women do that either. As if it's better for you to be scared going into labour.
For what it's worth, I have four very uneventful labour stories that I could relate for you, if you like. :) Quick, no trauma, no tearing, no issues, healthy baby, healthy mama. Lot's of those stories out there, too. All the best!

So awful to hear things like that! You know, I didn't actually get any of those horror stories when I was pregnant. Everyone was all "oh yeah it hurts for sure, but you forget the pain as soon as you see your baby, it's such a wonderful feeling, you're gonna love it!". So I guess I was lucky! I was always excited, never scared. And they were right, I don't remember the pain!

There's only one bit of my own labour I would change - I think it's fairly obvious what. So just think, if someone who wasn't getting a happy ending out of it can laugh about her labour, you can do it too ;)

:o :hug: some people just like to tell you all the horror stories. Its mostly what you hear but honestly would women keep going back for more if it was so bad ;)

You will do just fine chicky dont let it get you down once you have your baby in your arms it wont matter how good or bad you labour was.

As a midwife and mummy I get so many horror stories and alot are so far from the truth. Of course there is truth behind it but with time and many different re-counts things tend to become bigger and grander then they might have been at the time.

And it wouldn't matter who you go to for your antenatal care your Dr is going to have some horror cases that went wrong and resulted in something horrid happening that could have been prevented. They are not there with the woman all the time and despite technology (like scans, CTGs etc) it can be impossible to tell exactly what is going on sometimes and then look back with hind site and think what should have been done differently.

Best of luck for your impending birth and meeting your long awaited for
precious bubba.