I feel like a terrible mum right now :(

I am so upset and dissapointed with myself. I have been having huge issues with DD (15 months) sleep, this has been going on for 10 weeks now. I used to be a very very patient person and calm but since all this I am ashamed of myself and my actions. I am pregnant which doesnt help but I dont want to use this as an excuse.

I can only get 3 hours sleep from DD at night when I put her to bed, she then wakes up and stands up in her cot screaming and i cant get her to lay back down to sleep, or resettle her, even if I give in and bring her to our bed she continues to scream and thrash around. Sometimes I have to sit up with her for an hour or more and wait till she settles and then put her back to bed, sometimes this doesnt even work.

Most nights it the same thing, then we will get a night where she sleeps right through, I just dont understand what makes one night different from the other.

I dont know why she is waking, I have tried adding a night light, didnt help took it out and then she slept the whole night, then the next night disturbed sleep again. I have tried teddies with her she doesnt care for them, she is not cold or hot, I have tried, panadol, nurofen, teething necklace, hylands teething tablets and they have also not worked. She started walking at the same time this all started happening.

I have got an appointment for a referral to a paed as I am totally lost. People have mentioned that it could be because I am pregnant but what if it isnt, then in a couple of months I will have a newborn and a toddler that doesnt sleep.

Now she wont even go into her cot for a day sleep, she screams and stands up, she is not frightened of anything in there as at night she tells me she is ready to go to bed and she drifts off to sleep fine with me there by her side. I am getting so angry with her day and night and I have pushed her and smacked her and for that I feel so so terrible, then I end up sobbing in tears because I dont know what to do and I feel so nasty and horrible for pushing her and hitting her - I feel like a terrible mum. I would hate me if I were her.

DH is so so good he is such a good man he gets up and helps me but he is so tired too and its not fair on him because he has to work. The other night he sat with her and let her cry and cry, she was so exhausted from crying she was shaking, he gave her a drink and she laid straight down and went to sleep and slept right through till 9am the next morning. We have tried offering her a drink when she wakes but she smacks it away, I think she only wanted a drink because she had been screaming and screaming.

If we can settle her in our bed she will sleep soundly all night not a worry but this makes it hard for me to sleep. She never wakes up happy always grizzling. She is happy during the day though.

I am just so lost and sad and upset, I am tired and worried about her and I dont know how to help her or what to do. I dont know where else to go or help and I am sick of posting threads about it.

I dread putting her down for her day naps because I am scared I am going to lose it with her and hurt her.

I dont know what else to say, I just needed to put it all down coz I am carrying this horrible guilt.

I am so so sorry and I dont blame you for thinking I am a horrible person.

I think its a common phase that they seem to go through around this age. DD did it at around the same age (14/15 months) and stopped probably about 2 months ago (so around 18 months). I was also in the latter stages of pregnancy - so I know how much it sucks. We tried everything as well. :hug:

We ended up just going in there and putting her in her bed, saying it was sleepy time, we love you, go to sleep, and walking out. Us staying with her ramped her up more and dragged it out for several hours. She would cry - we would go in there after 2 mins (max) and do the same thing. She would settle in about 20 minutes all up. Her problem was she wanted to play - and we didn't at 2/3am!! But she would scream when made to lie down - cos of course she wanted to play...lol

Thats what eventually worked for us. Now we have a 20 month old who sleeps for 2.5 hours during the day and around 11 hours at night. She sometimes wakes up still, but we just do the same thing - doesn't happen that often anymore -nowhere near as bad as it was. She also self settles of a day time and a night time, its her 3 year old brother that still needs help to sleep! :lol:

I have no advice whatsoever, just wanted to give you big hugs :hug:

Oh Salad hun you poor poor thing... I do not think you are a terrible person at all. I'm glad you let some of it out on here... big hugs... :hug:

I can sort of sympathise - I'm having similar issues with my DD, who is coming up to 14mths. I'm at my wits end too.

I at least get a bit of a break coming to work three days... I feel terribly guilty when I hand her over thinking "Oh well at least she is someone else's problem for the next 10 hours or so".

You are not a bad mother, you are a tired, upset mother who wants the absolute best for her DD and doesn't know how to help her. In saying that I was in tears the other morning at about 5am saying to DH the exact same thing - "I am a terrible mother, I should know what is wrong with her and I should know how to fix it."

I'm sick of writing posts about it too and I feel like I'm always whinging and complaining... I understand those feelings completely.

I could almost have written that post myself word for word... and I haven't even gotten a paed appt, you are at least a bit further ahead than me. Perhaps I need to go down that path too.

When is your paed appt?

Hun i could not read and run- i have not been there so i can not offer any real advise
But i have heard that this type of thing does happen at this age or around this age, so maybe its a normal thing they go through? i know i know it doesnt help you at all by me saying this.

I think you sound like you are doing such a great job, it would be so hard, lack of sleep being pregnant and having your little one scream all the time.It would be very hard on you,i am glad you have a great DH to help out,sometimes it might help if your DH settles her or tries to? so you can take a moment ?

Hnag in there keep up the great work, and remember if things get to tough and u feel like u cant cope- step back and relax for a moment ;)

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. DS1 went through this from about 1.5 to 2+yrs old. Nothing worked. don't really know what to tell you, just letting you know that you are not alone. Even now he is not a great sleeper, waking up regularly - but atleast he doesn't wake the neighbours screaming inconsolably anymore. I am not sure why he suddenly improved (it has only been a month or so, hope I'm not jinxing us). But he was always worse when he was ill (ear infections, etc).

good luck.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

I think you are a saint! For everyone, sleep issues equals maniac cranky people. It is so normal to feel like you are!! Fwiw I have been a bit rough with dd when she won't lie still etc. It sux, but it happens and we gave to move on and try to improve.

Ok, so let's try and solve this. What if you really shook things up and just tried to pretend she doesn't need a day sleep. Just wing it each day and if she seems tired, just take her for a walk In the pram.

The for nights, would you consider putting her in a bed and sleeping in the same room as her? Maybe get her to sleep on a matress on the floor of your room.

Take the path of least resistance hun. stop trying and just let it happen. It's hard, but once you let it all go...all your expectations etc, you will feel so much better.

Hth and you dont think I'm a crazy hippy lady. I just want you to feel confident again that you're an awesome mummy!!

Aww big hug, it really is hard when your PG.

DD1 is HORRIBLE when she teeths and i always assumed she was teething when she was having restless nights, at about 15mths (right as DD2 was due) she was becoming really bad but didn't seem to be teething, wasn't having any issues during the day.

She would come into our room and be fine though, head would hit the pillow and OUT COLD, a lot of mums at my MG experienced the same thing around the same time so i highly doubt it's because your PG but what i found made a HUGE difference with her... A PILLOW.

I bought a kids pillow from Big W, at the start i was so paranoid i kept it under the fitted sheet which she liked but wasn't as comfy, now it's just out like normal, she sleeps on it, cuddles it etc and outside of teething she sleeps really well.

Prob no help but i hope she settles for you soon.

Oh hun, big hugs to you. Unfortunately it seems to be common around that age...doesnt make things easier for you though.

My dd1 was a shocker. From around 9 months old (early starter!) until 19 months..just before dd2 was born. She would fight going to sleep, then wake up around 2 am for 2 hours..just about every night. She screamed and carried on like a pork chop. Both dh and I were at wits end. Its hard when youre so tired not to loose it. I know too that I was rough with her and ended up hating myself for it...but understanding that it was out of shear tiredness and exhaustion and love and confusion. I went to sleep school...didnt help. I know she had problems with self settling, but it was something else too...maybe developmental. 2 weeks before dd2 was born, she snapped out of the carry on and worked out how to sleep better. She wasnt great, but at least she wasnt up each night. Her sleep improved 100 fold after puting her in a big bed.

Sorry I cant give you answers as to why, but I do hope that its just a stage she is going through that will be over fast. Do you have someone to look after her while you get some sleep?

FWIW...dd2 hasnt gone through this stage....yet!

We had similar fun and games with DD between about 10 and 14 months. Brought a whole new dimension to sleep deprivation. In the end I finally listened to the Bear and tried taking the mattress out of the cot and putting it on the floor in her room. I could lay down beside her to get her to go to sleep, and same when she woke through the night. It was much easier for me than having to get her out of the cot and then put her back in. She started sleeping better about 13 or 14 months. She is still not great, wakes up once and sometimes twice, but 95% of the time it only takes about five or ten minutes now to get her to go back to bed and sleep.
:hug: it is such a hard time and it does terrible things to you losing so much sleep - and being pregnant too it must be a killer. You'll get through it one way or another. One thing it has shown me is that I can function on less sleep than I ever imagined. Not something I ever wanted to learn but that's life!

DS decided he didn't want to sleep in his own cot from 6mths. We ended up at a sleep clinic where we did a version of controlled crying. DH ended up having to settle him. We put DS into the cot and say "sleep time, go to sleep" he'd cry and cry, but it was a case of listening to the crying and when he escalated then go into him and calm him down. Whenever he laid down it was a "Good boy" in a soothing voice. The first night was really bad but by the second night he was getting the hang of it. Now he will sleep in his cot, although he wakes often. I sleep on a mattress on the floor, so I can get to him before he wakes fully (otherwise it takes hours to resettle).

Your not a bad mum - you need a girl's night out (take yourself out to a movie) or go during the day, whatever time it works for your family.

:grouphug:

You are not alone Hun. We still have horrible nights with DD. But it has gotten better. It won't hurt to talk to the doc about it maybe there is an underlying problem.
Also if you are feeling overwhelmed by it all try and talk to a professional too. You need to take care of yourself too through this.
I have had similar nights where I think dd must hate me cause I have not been patient or very kind. I have felt so guilty. I will often try to remember Pinky McKays mantra "this to shall pass".
Big hugs.

Oh, sweetie :hug:

I have no advice but I hope you get to the bottom of it soon, and get some good sleep. You are not a horrible person or a bad mum, look at how upset you are and how you are trying to get help to sort it out, definitely not a bad mama.

Go easy on yourself and try to rest when you can, being pg as well can't be easy :hug:

Thanks everyone for the hugs.
I feel heaps better now, Dh and I had a great chat when he got home and worked out how we are going to deal with the situation. I think I feel so much pressure from people about letting her into our bed, I always say to myself just go with the flow so I dont know why I find this situation so hard. We have decided that we put her to bed in her bed and if she wakes up and we cant settle her then we will bring her to our bed, if she doesnt settle there we will get up with her and start from the beginning.

Arcadia - no way do I think you are a crazy hippy lady, what you say is usually how I am as a mum, no expectations just go with what she wants to do and it has always worked, I think subconciously I am worried how things will be when the new baby comes along, when I should not be worrying about it because I dont know whats going to happen and what ever happens will happen if that makes any sense :o
If i dont give her a day sleep she will fall asleep at 6pm so DH and I have agreed that if she has no day sleep and falls asleep at 6pm and wakes at 10pm then so be it we will work with it, we go to bed late anyway.

OceanPrincess - thanks for your reply, I hope your situation gets better soon, if you need someone to talk to please PM message me, you can vent to me anytime, I know how much it helps. I have a Dr appt on Tuesday and will be getting a referral to the Paed then so not sure when the appt is yet.

Zarava - its interesting what you said about the pillow as I have also consider this, maybe I give it a go, I guess it cant hurt she will use it eventually when she is older anyway even if she doesnt use it now.

Thanks to everyone for your stories and advice, it does help hearing them and for you to make the effort to reply to my thread really means alot.

Heres hoping things get better. It feels better already knowing we have some sort of plan worked out.

I don't remember going through the exact same thing, but I know when DS was a newborn and I wasn't getting much sleep at all, I would be so cranky I would swear when I went in to his room and I mean nasty swear... I'm a very quiet and calm type person usually.

Honestly, sleep deprivation is like torture, so try not to beat yourself up too much. Sounds like you are doing all the right things. Hope the Paed can help you out xoxo

So glad you have a plan :grouphug:

Of course the new baby is playing on your mind (and stays there thanks to all the well wishers who ask what you will do). You're a great mummy, and I hope you get some much needed rest soon. :hug: