Do You Ever Feel Like You've Lost "Who You Are?"

Hi,
I have been a SAHM for the last 2.5 years and for most of my life thats all I have ever wanted ... To Be A Mum .. To Keep A Clean House .. To Have Dinner Ready For My DH ... I know I sound very 1950's .. but it's what I wanted ... or so I thought.

I feel like I don't know who I am anymore, I feel like no matter how long I clean the house for..it's never clean enough. I feel like I need to spend more time with my children, but when I do .. the house takes 2 days to get back to remotly livable.

I feel like I just need some time for myself just for a few days ... I don't know who I am anymore apart ffrom being my babies mum.

I have a real passion for photography and want to start my own business, but this takes alot of time, time that I just don't have. I am starting to get a little depressed, I have no real friendships apart from family and life just seems a bit passionless. How do I ignite the passion in my life?

Am I just a dismal failure at being a house wife?

Any tips or help would be really appriciated.

Thanks
Summer

I so no how you feel Summer :hug:. I really do feel like I have lost a lot of my identity since becoming a mum. I absolutely love my kids and love being a mum, but I feel like I have lost myself somewhere along the line.

I also know what you mean about spending time with your kids = a huge amount of housework catch up! It's worth a messy house to have quality time with your kids though. Even if you dedicate one or two days a week to doing something special.

I just want to encourage you to follow your passion though :). Even if it's something you have to do in the evenings or on the weekend. I started up a small business when my DS1 was 8 months old and have successfully run it for almost 5 years now - in that time I had two more babies, so it CAN be done!

Oh, yeah...I can totally relate.

Like you, all I ever wanted was to have babies and be a SAHM. But the sacrifices you have to make can take their toll sometimes.

I am struggling this week just feeling like I'm the one who always has to work around the family and no one ever works around me. We also took the kids away for the weekend and it was a disaster because our 2 year old had a massive meltdown on the first night and it took me 2 hours to get him to go to sleep, he wouldn't have a nap during the day, I am still getting up to my 8mo at least twice a night etc etc. It's like nothing is just easy anymore, we can't even go away for the weekend and enjoy ourselves. It's all just getting on top of me a bit at the moment.

I honestly don't know what the answer is other than try to make time for yourself because no one else is going to do it for you. I have done that much more after bub #3 but some weeks, it's still not enough.

I just keep telling myself that it won't be like this forever, they will grow up probably much faster than we want them to and then there will be time for 'me' again.

totally, its very important to have some time to yourself every so often.

Thank you so much for your replies, I am feeling a little better now ... just was very overwhelmed with everything. I just have had my 3rd child and am finding it really hard to cope with my 2.5 year old, the new baby is a dream .. just my toddler is really really clingy.
I guess I just feel a little smothered thats all.

I can totally relate. I've got a toddler at home & am pregnant with another now. I was breastfeeding when I fell pregnant, so feel like I haven't even had my body to myself for about 2 years now, let alone some time or space.

And although a family holiday is nice sometimes, holidays with kids are just really a change of scenery & not a holiday from the hard work!

And then as much as you might feel burnt out from being around your kids, when they're little there's often guilt about being away from them, & you miss them if you're away for very long.

I think sometimes the nest thing is to have DH stay at home with the kids while you spend a few hours out a week doing something you enjoy, that's for you - not shopping for the kids clothes, or running erands.

Or get DH to take the kids to the park or on a visit to their grandparents so you can have the house to yourself to just relax.

It's important to remember that you're the best mum you can be when you're happy with yourself!

omg I could of written that post word for word :hug: no answers here though sorry

you are certainly not a dismal failure, just a very normal SAHM :) I think we have all felt like that

I know its a feeling that I've been dealing with a lot lately, and its really hard with a newborn to actually get anytime to yourself, but I've made the decision that when he's more settled into a bit more of a predictable routine (hoping around the 12wk mark), I'm joinging the gym and going a couiple of evenings a week once DH is home. I've also found a course that I can do part time over the next few years that I'm at home and have it finished by the time #3 (who is a pipedream at the moment) is in school. So I'll start that when DS is one, and they can both go to CC for a day a week.

Have you thought about using occasional care or CC for your older ones occasionally to give you a bit of time out?

The other thing I struggle with is that I feel people think that being the SAHM is the easy option, and so feel guilty for being "just a mum".

And you're definately not a failure - it sounds like you're doing a great job :hug:

On that point about being a SAHM as an easier option: I could have kissed the credit manager at DHs work last week. She's on maternity leave but had to speak to DH from home about an issue. At the end of the conversation she reminded DH to think of me at home with the kids during hard client meetings. She said that dealing with a toddler and a newborn is waaaay harder than anything at work she's ever had to do. She said that going back to work seems appealing as it would be easier in some ways... But in reality she thinks that she may have to extend her maternity leave. God bless her! It really seemed to have an impact on DH... Much more than if I had said the same thing.

It is HARD WORK being a SAHM and there is very little positive feedback from your 'clients' in my experience! So perhaps try and be a bit kinder to yourself and remember to compliment yourself on the successes you do have. Sounds corny but I think it is one of the hardest parts of being home - I used to put masses of pressure on myself to clean the house and have everything 'perfect' but it took 3.4 seconds for my 2 girls to trash it. The pressure of a toddler and baby is pretty relentless and can be difficult with little sleep. xxx

Totally.. Sometimes I just wanna scream when DH comes home with yet another invite out for a social activity with his mates, because I'm so jealous of his flourishing social life. I'm sure it gets better as they get older and are less dependent. I'm going on nearly 4 years of continuous bfing & pregnancy and I'm dyyyyyyyying for some personal time and space. Don't beat yourself up. Try to arrange something each week that is just for you.