Very Angry 7yr old...

Hi everyone!

My eldest son has just turned 7. He has been an angry child since the day he was born. He is very bright and intellectual but emotionally, just not up there with other children. He is very sensitive, even sometimes shy, but so angry.

My mum is a daycare mum and has read practically everything on challenging behaviour and how to deal with it. She and I together have tried everything. Some things seem to work for a week or two then he's back to what he was. He has been getting into trouble at school for tantrums and punching other boys.

I don't know what to do :(

We've tried gluten free diet, smacking, not smacking, time out, removing toys and privelleges etc....Nothing helps!!

If anybody out there has any ideas, please, please, please, reply to this thread.

We are going mad! He is a beautiful boy, so loving and affectionate but as soon as something doesn't go his way he sees red and loses it. He's being labelled at school already and I hate it!!

Our next step is to see a professional.....

Have you thought about an additive/preservative free diet?

Yeah mumma mia beat me to it, forget about Gluten free you need to work out what additives and preservative affect him, if I were you I would get a copy of additive alert and fed up from your library and also visit the website fedupwithfoodadditives.info it is loaded with information. Seriously if you are at your wits end you will want to read this info.
Good Luck

What does the school say? Have they suggested having a talk to the Guidance Officer? I would recommend having a chat to her or him. They are psychologists who work within the school and they may be able to give you a better idea about things that you can try.

Some kids are just angry kids and need management strategies for it, they need to not be pushed too hard when they are feeling like that and they need to have a way to vent their emotions. Some of the kids I have worked with responded really well to having some time out to build with lego, or bouncing a ball against a wall or even just having a stress ball in their pocket that they can squeeze until they are feeling calm. Kids like that tend to not respond really well to someone being in their face and trying to calm them down. Sometimes they need space. Have you tried using cool down - a comfortable place where he can go when he starts to feel it is getting too much for him.

I can't guarantee that they will work and you won't find anything that works first time every time, but it is good to have a range of strategies in your tool kit.

Good luck :hug: It's not easy.

Seeing a professional sounds like a good idea - having a different view on your son's behaviour could allow you to be reassured that there's no underlying physical reason for his anger. Sometimes as mums (and grandmothers) we are so close to our children that we can't see the obvious cause of a problem! Two important things to consider in any behaviour management technique are great role-modelling and communication. Does your son understand the effects on others of his angry outbursts? Do you acknowledge his feelings? Can you show him how to appropriately express his disappointment when things don't go his way? Wishing you a good resolution to your concern; Janet Powell, The Parenting Coach

Thanks so much for your replies!

We actually bought him a squeezy ball last week to use at school (that is the place where he struggles with emotions the worst) and he said it did help him! YAY!!!

I have spoken to him about what he's feeling, how it hurts other children when he acts out, would he like someone to hit him if they were angry, etc... He knows remorse, because he has told me how sorry he is after he has hit someone, but at the time, he can't understand to use his words or walk away, he just snaps!

I am going to check out the website for what preservatives/additives to steer clear of, thanks for that suggestion!

We are taking him to a behaviourial specialist next month. He may not have a disorder of any type but again he may. Whatever happens, this doctor should be able to help us in helping him to deal with his anger.

Thanks again ladies for your advice and suggestions.

That's great about taking your son to see a behavioural specialist.:clap: Sometimes we have to outsource!
Understanding why your son gets angry will help you to help him deal with his reactions. Anger is normally a secondary emotion and comes after a different emotion. For instance, a mum who loses her child in the supermarket gets angry with him when she finds him and says" You're so naughty for running away like that! No treats for you today." when her first emotion on finding him was relief that he's ok. This is the message that she needs to send first.
If we can get to the first emotion, recognise it and deal with that successfully, we can often stop the anger building up. So helping your son to recognise and verbalise his disappointment, embarrassment, fear, frustration, or whatever that first emotion is, will hopefully help him to think before he gets angry. This can act as a cicuit-breaker. Role-modelling and teaching this at home would be a positive step.
All the best; Janet.