My sister needs help!

At the moment my sister is having an awful time with her son. He will turn 3 in July, and as he is a big boy he's in the largest size of nappies they can get now (he's already taller than some 4-5 year olds).

This stubborn little nephew of mine absolutely refuses to be toilet trained - apparently he has told my sister that he is completely uninterested. My sister doesn't seem to want to force the issue, but her husband is getting a little antsy about it all.

The current idea they have is to put him in training pants rather than the disposables they normally use, so that when he does go he's left feeling rather uncomfortable to perhaps give him a bit more incentive to start using the potty/toilet. The problem with this is that my sister wants something like terry toweling undies, but wants a plastic cover over them. We suggested pull ups but her DH said no, as they would still be absorbent enough to keep him comfortable.

So, I am appealing to all the wonderful BellyBelly ladies out there on her behalf - does any one know where we may be able to find such training pants? Or does anyone have ideas as to how we can convince this little boy that using the potty/toilet is a good idea before he completely grows out of nappies all together?

Perhaps I should add a little more on the nature of my nephew - he is a perfectionist. From when he was very young, he would never do anything in front of people until he could do it perfectly. He did all the things like rolling, crawling, walking, talking by himself and never let anyone catch him doing it until he could do it perfectly. The first steps anyone ever saw him take were when he stood up, and walked straight across the middle of the lounge room. None of this holding on to furniture, none of the take two steps and fall down. I suspect the toilet training issue may be scaring him because it is going to be something that people will need to see him do imperfectly before he gets it completely right.

BW

you can get the terrytowelling undies from most department stores (even woolies) - best and less have them for about 2.50 each and are basic with thick terrytowelling in groin area - through to more advanced ones such as bright bots that seem to have some plastic inside the absorbing area to minimise penetration (don't know the cost of these as they were passed down). don't know where she would get plain plastic covers for any though - others might know

I have a similar problem with DS and have found pullups although handy for saving mess don't encourage DS to go cause he treats them like a nappy. The towelling ones have been the better but while he's still learning the best encouragement has been plain undies cause he immeidately gets wet and notices the results (we've had a lot of problems with sickness and me in hospital causing regression everytime we think we're just about there). I also find it better if he has no other pants on over the top of undies - higher success rate getting there before anything happens. I do use pullups when travelling or going out and just constantly remind and have made going to public toilets a novelty. Bowel movements are still our biggest challenge and until recently down right refused to go to toilet.

I fully understand your BILs frustration (editted to add: sorry I read it wrong his frustration is more over wanting him trained than troubles with training - completely different issues - and thus am not so understanding someone might need to highlight that if the littlie is not ready BIL's frustrations are only going to get worse when the training is not successful). I'm getting jack of it all as well given we've been going forward and backwards for so long now - although he has wanted to be trained and asks to go "wees on toilet" its just everything else keeps getting in the way (sickness etc) and sending us backwards as we think we have just about got it the next interruption comes along. If the little boy is really not interested though I don't know that all the effort of his parents will see much reward until he is ready.

Sorry for the ramble but maybe some of this will help your sister.

Editted to add - DS is like Jillians boys - nappy means you can forget toilet. unfortunately DS doesn't respond to rewards systems - if he does something that gets a reward yeah but if not doesn't care. I would also be like Jillian - if DS wasn't interested I wouldn't be pressuring it's just that he goes from interested one day to not caring the next so in turn that's how training is going - good one day, hopeless the next.

I don't think you can get vinyl training pants but the terry towelling variety really only save a bit - she would be washing several changes of clothes a day.Plastic pants wouldn't help if he did a big wee and cleaning NO2.'s is a very yukky job .It would get very frustrating for her if he isn't ready.He is still quite young many 2yrs not yet 3 yr olds are no where near ready.

Fear could be factor not just subbornness.

There is a little seat with step we got our DS when he was training - had handles to hold onto.

Just because 'others' think he should be TT isn't a reason he has to be. Every child has there own time and if he was 4-5 if might be different.

I agree with rewards and star system Jillian mentioned - putting some boat or fish shaped cut out or folded tissues for him to aim at ;) -kids love a game.Let daddy show the way how easy it is. Buy him the big boy undies in his favourite character and let him chose.

I think the more she forces the issue the more he will resist - you really don't see too many kindergarten kids wearing nappies and while it is a pain to still have him in nappies - it could be worse getting angry and upset with him on a continual basis several times a day.

Preschools/daycare teachers might give her some tips too - when DS started there were many kids (3+) not TT ... they just took them all at regular times and they soon learnt from their peers.

Try pullups if the nappies are too small - makes it easier when you want to encourage him than trying to remove a nappy.

BW my son Mason wasn't interested in the toilet till he was 3 1/2. If anything was even mentioned he would scream and refuse so it bacame a battle of wills so to speak.
We tried the potty in front of his favourite dvd, stories on the toilet with different seats on it, rewards, bribes you name it.
Pull ups stop the mess but are just like a nappy anyway so I don't think they teach them anything. Terry training pants aren't absorbant enough and still can make a mess, especaially if they're sitting on the carpet. If you look in kmart I'm sure you'll find them there with the plastic nappy pants.
I sent Mason to kinder in a pull up as I thought why should he miss out when he could be t/t within weeks. I thought he'd get the hint when he saw the other kids going to the toilet. I don't know if that was a help or one day he just decided that he wanted to go on the toilet after I had to go myself when we were shopping and we went into the parent toilet. He proudly went in the kiddy toilet after initially refusing, and from then on he was toilet trained with only the occasional accident.

My advice would be to let him do his own thing without pressure for a while and see if he picks it up on his own. Give him some time in jocks so he gets used to the feeling. He sounds like a very clever kid, very much like Mason in fact ;) a Mr Independant. Think up a reward for him. When he decides to go then dish it out with lots of praise. Mason loves chocolate so I had a stash of chock bits in the pantry. The day Mason went on the toilet at the shops I took him to the supermarket and let him choose something from the lolly isle. He knew it was special as we NEVER go down that one!
Oh and MIL warned me I would be creating a new problem by having him expect a reward every time he goes. For a few weeks yes that was the case but then the chock bits ran out and I couldn't buy anymore because the shop didn't have any ;) and soon enough he stopped asking for his chockie after he went.
There is plenty of time as he isn't even three yet. People only talk about how young their children were when they do stuff. Think about it. You almost never hear a parent talking prouldy that their son/daughter still wets the bed. Mason is still in a pull up at night BTW. We've tried a few times but he's not ready for that step yet.

He is an incredibly intelligent boy - even at this young age he's incredibly interested in pulling things apart to see how they work (I guess he's going to end up being an engineer like his dad and his grandfather)...

It's really not a nice situation - my sister's husband is really pushing for him to be trained ASAP, while my sister is content to let him wait until he is ready. He's also hit the point of having major tantrums just recently (something that's never happened before now), and seems to have caught a bit of a tummy bug - poor kid!

I will pass an your suggestions to my sister and leave it up to her. Thanks for the thoughts!

BW