One year on, I can't believe how different life is...

I can't believe a whole year has passed since we lost our lovely baby. She (we called her She, as df longed for a daughter) was the most amazing thing we could ever have hoped to create. The time I was pregnant was like a dream; for the first time in my life, I was truely in my eliment. Yes, I was terribly naseous, but I was also serenly happy, we both were. But a year ago today, at 8 and a half weeks, we lost our little one, and with her we lost so many of our hopes and dreams. Our dream for our future, together as a family; was shattered. I still think about Her every day. A part of me feels silly to feel so much love and so much pain over such an early loss; the women on here who loose their babies at such a late stage must be the strongest people I know and have ever heard of. It just breaks my heart that our baby was not to be.

In the time since then I've had two more losses, both much earlier. The last time I concieved was six months ago now. In a way I just can't believe that we've been ttc for almost 14 months now :shakehead: Such a long time, worrying and crying and praying for a miricle. I guess I can say that I am lucky to have been pregnant, even for a brief period of time, because there are women who have never experienced that at all, which breaks my heart. I don't know which is worse; concieving and losing your baby or never concieving at all...I guess they are both equally terrible in their own ways.

I don't even know what I am trying to say here...I feel empty and at the same time, filled with so much pain. But I will remember my Darling today with joy and happiness, and try not to dwell on the hurt too much. I don't know what I would do without BB; none of the people we know IRL know we are ttc, and very few know about our 1st m/c, and no one except those on BB know about the other two. It is nice to have a place of warm, unconditional love like BB. I'm going to stop rambling now and try to sleep through all these tears, thankyou so much for reading.

aww hun , a loss no matter how early is a loss . and its ok to greive ... that was beautiful post ... take care of yourself the next couple of days .. dont rush the healing process ... huge hugs xx

PumpkinZulu I could have written something very similar myself. Huge :grouphug: I really wish things were different for you, me and everyone else in this position or struggling to concieve. I hope the next 12months brings you your earthside bubba and alot of wonderful memories of the short time you had with your angels.

:comfort: Lots of love PZ :hug:

huge :hug: hun

Warm hugs :hug: take care of yourself and there is no time limit on grieving, so take the time you need as your reflect :comfort:

Hug's hun. I know how tough it can be. Be gentle with yourself. Take time to remember and grieve. You bubbas your hope your dreams. But also remember that tomorrow is a new day.

:hug:

A post written so beautifully and the love shown in the post is sent right back at you

Take care Pumpkin Zulu. It can be hard when you a grieving but people IRL don't know why, or don't understand.

I agree with tk1999 it was a beautifully written post.

*hugs* babe.
I know it's very little comfort to you, but I am thinking of you and DF today, on this sad anniversary. I have my fingers crossed so tight for you both that your TTC journey smoothes out and leads you to your goal with no more heartache. xo

Pumpkin - thinking of you today and holding you, DF and your precious "daughter" in my heart. Go gently today and your precious girl is worthy of remembering and honouring, as you do. Hope the sleep brought you some temporary relief and maybe even just a little strength to face today. Love to you.

:hug: :hug:
A loss is a loss :hug:
May your angels be flying free.

Be kind to yourself hun :hug:

xoxoxo

I'm so sorry. We're all here for you xo

Oh sweetie... big :hug: for you

Love ya hun xo

PZ i am so sorry for your loss and that you are feeling so down- It doesn't matter how early the loss of your little angel was you are free to love and remember and feel the loss of your little one ..I dont believe there is a time limit on grieving either, you do what u need to do to get by each day
Know that you will always remember your angel and she will always be there in your heart, i really am sorry you are going through this and if anything i hope it makes it just that little bit easier knowing how much love and support you will always have here on BB:comfort:

Ah hun *hug* Today your little angel is watching you, feeling the love you have for her swell and carry her on a journey with you at the end :hug:

Thankyou all so much for your heartfelt replies :grouphug: Today has been very odd, a mixture of happy and sad moments. DF came home from uni with a bunch of my favourite treats from Darrell Lea and gave me a big hug...I wasn't even sure if he would remember, it was a lovely moment for us. I have spent the day reading Up The Duff (thanks Shell1 :D) and looking forward, visualizing myself at each stage of my pregnancy, visualizing our perfect birth; it has been a very healing experience ( not to mention how funny a read it is).

Xox

ohhh im glad u like it, its something funny and not so serious which is good sometimes;)