double income to single?

After a particularly stressful day at work (for me), DP suggested I quit my job. He says he can and will support me, and a child, and doesn't want me to mc again because of the stress I deal with at work. (Coworker from hell constantly harrassing me.... managers turn a blind eye)

I'm not even pg yet! I really want to work until I'm no longer able, so I can contribute as much as I can to our family and not feel guilty about taking a year off.

I'm a little worried if I did take him up on the offer eventually, (no plans to do so right now).... that he might resent me later having to spend all his money on me.

Has anyone experienced this? Did your DH or DP regret his offer of financial support? Just weighing my options right now in case things get worse and I have to quit for my wellbeing.

Thanks.

That's a tough one and I haven't been in your exact situation but I think you know your DP better than anyone and know whether he's likely to throw it in your face later.

TBH - I think it's worth trying as hard as possible to sort the work situation out if you otherwise like your job. If you haven't already, make an official complaint about your coworker, speak to your manager again etc. etc. She shouldn't be allowed to mess up your head, your finances and your career/resume. Plus, it's good practice - there's idiots in every workplace.

If you want to work, I'd do everything to allow yourself to continue though I know how stressful it can be to deal with coworkers so I truly sympathise.

Once your beautiful baby decides to join the world, you'll find that you'll need to pool your money together anyway...

In my situation, we couldn't possibly look at finances like DHs money and my money, simply because i dont have any money! haha! I guess we started really combining money after we discovered we were pregnant with DD, I worked for as long as I could - I was teaching, and working at an after school facility. When things started getting too stressful, I stopped teaching, and just worked in the after school facility, which was only 4 hours a day.

I saved just about every drop of money I had, from the moment we discovered we were pregnant. Then when DD arrived, we used that money whenever we needed it, bills etc. That money is now LONG gone, and we basically live week by week on DHs wage. We're by no means rich, but we're very happy ;)

I don't even know what point I'm getting at, lol.

Maybe you could change your hours at work to part time?
Cut them right back to minimise any stress?
I totally agree with your DH, the less stress you have the better.

But IMO if you gave up work now, your pregnancy is really going to drag on..

Now with that blab on, I might answer your question, haha!

No, DH has NEVER regreted his financial support. I often mention going back to work, and he flatly refuses, he wants me home with our kids (his mum was always working, and he doesn't want that for our kids).

Sounds like your DH realises that once you become a family, there isn't really a 'my money' 'your money' case.. it becomes 'our money'.... 'our family'...

Gee.. this is all over the place, and i don't even know if i've answered anything!
Sorry mate! :p

I don't think a man offers to support you and a baby unless they mean it, especially when you aren't even pregnant yet. Only you know if he is genuine though. You can always get another job, why stay where you are and get treated like dirt? I agree with your partner on that much, you should quit if you are dealing with too much stress.

Its is hard when you first have to rely on someone else financially. DH and i had our ups and downs when we started dating (living together) There were times when i was working and then when he was. I have now been 'not paid working' for 7 years, he doesnt care at all... I do my bit he does his. Its a shared role and he just happens to get paid by a company!

When i did my last EPU with IVF i got sick and was in hospital for a couple of days when i was due to go back to work i popped in the day before and started bleeding (i knew i was 4 weeks pg by then) The first thing my DH said to me was your not going back, i was quite stressed with stauff at work, i took all my SL and AL (about 10 weeks all up).

When i got in to see my OB he suggested that i limit my stress, as it is not the best at any time esp when early in pg.

So i started my MAT leave when i hit 21 weeks we had a few weeks without pay and now i am on half pay, it is hard. but you do it, we have less wastage!!

DH went through a stage when i stopped bleeding saying i should go back to work, but we discussed it. Im going to be taking the full 12 mths off at least, hoping for more and we will just have to manange, not so many luxturies. Im still waiting to birth my baby but even my GP says he has seen a difference with my mental health and happy for me to start reducing meds.

I wish you the very best, it is such a hard choice, is there another part time job you could do so that there is still a bit of double income??

It really is a big step to take, putting your financial independece into someone else's hands.

I quit my job just after i found out i was pregnant at 20wks because my job was also too stressful, I was managing a large hotel and the owner was an absolute pig... I would find myself tearing up at the insults he dished out instead of ignoring them like i used to, I was forced to fire good staff for little or no reason leaving me to cover double or triple shifts sometimes having to start work at 9am & finish at 4am It was all just too hard on me physically & emotionally, so i walked in one morning, handed him my keys, told him GL & I hope he'd have fun filling in for me himself until he found someone else to screw over.

I regret letting it get to that point, My advice is to leave calmly - If you decide to quit.

I had always paid my fair share and was really worried about it at first, Having to ask for money to buy non-essentials, ie; get my hair done or buy new shoes worried me most but never ended up being an issue because nothing really changed. DP worked hard for his money and now works hard for OUR money - I guess i see it as if i were in his shoes i wouldn't mind supporting my family, If he were a stay at home dad and i was the one working i wouldn't resent him - I'd be happy our DD was being cared for. When you decide you're ready to have a child together i suppose you're really deciding you're ready to be a team & support each other in every way, financially, emotionally..

I agree that if your DP offered to support you and a child he wouldn't have done so unless he meant it - It sounds as though he really cares about you!

You should not have to put up with a co-worker bullying you but unfortunately some work places are much like highschools lol. You should definately write a formal complaint, If it's so bad that you feel as though you can no longer work there that is just not right & You might not be the only one that co-worker is being awful to.

Can you leave and get another job you might enjoy more and have less stress? It doesn't sound like the job you want to stay in when you are pregnant if it causes you stress.

I am also not pregnant yet but when I am I will not be working there to reduce stress and to also have my privacy. We plan on having IVF within the next few months and when we start we also will be dropping to one income. It is mainly so I can have some privacy at such a time.

Not sure what kind of work you do but can you work casually? I am now casual so I can call work and tell them I am not available till this date and then resume working when money gets tight or when I am past so many weeks and my pregnancy should be no longer high risk. But I realise alot of jobs you don't have that option.

I can see where you are coming from but at the same time do not have advice from a similar experiance :hug:

I just had a few thoughts when reading your post.

Initially i thought your husband has thought about the situation and is doing all he can to help the two of you begin your family together. It's a sacrifice financially but the rewards in other ways could possibly never compare. Is he really the type to go back on what he suggested and later resent you?

The other issue is your work. I understand that it's not easy but it's also not right and you surely would have anvenues you could take to rectify the situation. Removing yourself could work but it also lets the person get away with what they are doing. It's totally your choice and in the end you need to think about what will work best for you.

Just a little from my own experience... I worked full time for 7 years prior to having my first child and i did like being 'equal' to my husband and us working together to achieve our goals. Once i was home with our child i did have a difficult time adjusting to feeling like what i was doing at home could be justifiable to what he was doing at work 'bringing the money in' and/or to what i 'used to do'. But it was an adjustment i made and i feel now we are definatley still working together to achieve our goals. Sometimes i get a bit grumpy and him working late and wanting him home for some help but i know he works so hard and does the best he can. We are a team.

I understand my situation is totally different but i could relate to your concerns about a single income and not providing. If you do choose to leave your job you could find something else to do from home or something less stresseful while trying to conceive. I hope i may have helped in some tiny little way. All the best for the future work and family wise :):hug:

Ok, all good advice, except a couple of things.

I've made multiple complaints, had several 'meltdowns' (crying hysterically at my desk) because of this demon woman. NOTHING is done, and I end up being scrutinized instead. They tell her to back off, she does for a few days or weeks, but she just seems to thrive on upsetting me.

So here's my solution. Not caring. I just shut down when I go in there. She says something rude, tries to humiliate me, and I smile broadly with the knowledge that my life is great. People like that are obviously unhappy........ so it's really her problem.

I'm recording every incident should I eventually leave this job because of her, for legal purposes. It's wrong that the company doesn't take me seriously, but that's life. I've been through far worse than this, and as I said to DP: I would (expletive deleted) walk through fire to have your baby. If this is what I must do to contribute and provide SO BE IT.

Call me stubborn, but I won't be beaten. I am good at my job, and if I might add, well liked. I refuse to throw away 4 years of hard work and personal growth because of some bitter old cow.

Decision made. When I get my bfp, I will warn management she needs to stay away from me, as the legal ramifications of allowing an employee to bully and stress out a pregnant woman will be massive.

That ought to do the trick. They're lucky I didn't sue them for forcing me to work before I'd even finished miscarrying my first child.

Just knowing I'm pg will hopefully make me so blissful I'll be bulletproof. Lol.

Sorry about the long rant there, I hope that made sense.

And of course thanks for the advice, everyone. If this corporate hellhole was fair and just, I would have used some of those ideas. It's a pity, but I'm strong enough to stick at it. NOBODY else has been able to work with her this long so far. I guess that makes me the record holder..... lol

Good luck, I hope it all works out the way you want it too. One thing though, maybe instead of just shutting it out you could also actively work to introduce some more calming influences into your life? I say that just cos I've done the whole shutting out thing and it completely backfired, but I have found that having equal balance of things that stress me out and things that bliss me out work. Like, if you know a certain day is worse than others than organise something special for yourself that night, and concentrate on that.

I'm being ''kept'' at the moment, I'm studying and if I need too I'll take some time out when/if I get pregnant. It's actually really cool, I dont feel like I'm spending DH's money but I do tend to do more cooking/cleaning than I used to. But we're also planning on DH being a SAHD in a few years as my earning capacity is a fair bit higher than his. He really likes it too, I think it makes him feel more manly :rolleyes:

Great idea, KitFaerie. I'll be sure to do that. Also.... can I ask in what way it backfired?? Just curious. :)