Successful breastfeeding the second time round

Hi everyone

So this preg is progressing at the rate of knots and im starting to think about my breastfeeding journey with ds and what i can do to be successful with this bub. With ds breastfeeding just never happened, he was a very difficult feeder (attachment and sucking issues mainly) and looking back i think i had a mild case of PND and as a result we put him on formula fairly early on as i could not bond with him through the problems we were having. It really was the best thing for us and i am happy that we did it and have absolutely no regrets but would still like to bf the next baby successfully.

So what can i do to prepare myself and have a successful journey the next time? I would really like to hear from people who were successful the second time around especially and what they did differently the second time. For me the big thing at the moment is that I will not place the pressure on myself that i did the last time. I think that increased the pressure i placed on myself last time made our journey very hard last time.

Your advice and support would be really appreciated.
Thanks!

Hi :)
I wasn't successful the second time around, but the third time around I was. I think the main difference is that I was stubborn & persevered. I pushed myself very hard to get it right.
I had a bit more support too. My health nurse was there & on call when ever I needed her. At 6 weeks I had him on the bottle for 2 days straight when I rang her in tears coz I'd started to feel depressed. I had bad PND with my girls, & depression through his pregnancy.
The best thing was my LC. I only spoke to her once, over the phone, but thats all I needed. She gave me a few tips, got me past that phase & from then on things were great.

I think the best thing to do to start with is join the ABA. Then I think its simply having faith in yourself TBH. If you believe you can do it, there's a good chance you will :)

I had a horrible time with my first born and he was on full formula by 6 weeks. I had ripped to shreds nipples and cried everytime he woke as I was terrified to feed him.
With number two I decided early on that if it works it works if it doesnt I am not going to stress myself out again.
I was so much more relaxed and kinda knew what to expect this time and we both took to it like a duck to water :clap:

With each subsequent baby breastfeeding has come on a lot easier and faster for me (except the last one but that was an iron issue)
Relax relax relax and dont put pressure on yourself to "get it" this time around. I think that made a huge difference for us.
Have the knowledge that your DS has thrived just fine on formula and that breast is best IF its best for mum too :)

Ooooh, just subscribing because I'm in the same boat.

FWIW Beautitude, I know exactly what you mean about putting too much pressure on yourself. I think we need to realise that everyone is different - for some people, being determined is a positive thing as it gets them through some hurdles along the way. For other people, it's totally counter-productive as it makes them really stressed which is not good for making the milk come in and actually being able to calm down enough to feed.

I was definitely in the same boat as you - my milk didn't come in until Day Seven and I was literally rigid and shaking when I was in the hospital because I so wanted to get it right. This time I need to tell myself to relax and one bad/unsuccessful feed is NOT the end of the world, nor is an occasional bottle if that's what we need to do to live to fight another day. I think I saw it as a black/white situation last time - if I gave ONE bottle, I was a failure and the whole BFing relationship was doomed. Too much pressure and totally unhelpful.

With DS, I put a lot of pressure on myself. I *had* to breastfeed. TBH I don't know how I managed to get through all the feeding, expressing, topping up over and over again.

With DD, I thought well it's either gonna work or it's not and I will do what I can to make it work, but if it doesn't that's ok too. In some ways, I think my experience feeding DS helped me realise alot of what it is supposed to be like so with DD I knew what to look out for and to not focus so much about the number on the scales (or those silly charts!).

The main thing I did this time though was that I put her on the boob right from the start and put her on every.single.time she looked at me or squawked. She may not have needed a feed but the skin to skin and nipple stimulation really helped my supply kick in. Yep, it was hard at home with DS (still is at times) as I spent a lot of time feeding DD in the early weeks. I made sure I sat and fed with him while he played or read books to him and kept talking to him. The constant feeding has paid off and we're breastfeeding successfully. Often, I still look at her while she's feeding and can't believe that it's actually working this time :)

I found this time round a little easier from the start as they put DD2 straight on my chest, we got to form a bond straight away which i did not get with DD1, DD2 was feeding within an hour of being born.. DD2 would have been a couple of hours as she was wrapped in blankets and waiting for an ambulance etc.

I had to stop BFing with DD1 due to surgery when she was 5mths old and i was devastated, i had worked so hard keeping her attached, keeping her awake for that time to finally form a BFing bond and then it was ruined.

This time around i did not place the extra pressure on myself, i didn't time her feeds (with DD i would freak if she wasn't on long enough), i'm not fussed about putting her on the boob to settle her (with DD this NEVER happened, didn't want bad habits), am happy to feed her in bed and fall asleep with her on the boob (propped up on a pillow, i can't roll on her).

I have just let go off the fear and anxiety that comes with TRYING to get the perfect BFing routine, go with the flow, trust your instincts and where possible have the longest greatest cuddle with your bub from the very first minute, it really has changed my BFing experience this time round.

Oh and i must say if it's not working please take a step back, relax and try again, but don't stress.. if it doesn't work it doesn't work.

Sorry if thats a lot of babble, prob no help but good luck.

Good on you hun for preparing early :hug: Luckily every baby is different, so many mums are able to successfully feed a subsequent baby. I believe the very best thing any mum can do to prepare for breastfeeding is to join the ABA, and go to a Breastfeeding Education Class (usually these are just $20 for members and very worth it!!). The information at these classes is so helpful and many mums find they learn things even when they have already successfully breastfed a previous baby! Also, you get a fantastic book with your ABA membership that you can refer to at any time.

You can have a look for classes in your area on the ABA website, Australian Breastfeeding Association. There are classes in some areas that aren't listed, so if you can't find one, give your local contact a call (you can also find this on the website) to see if there are any your area.

All the best hun :hug: BTW, your bundle is due on my birthday!!

I think its right whats fionas is saying about different ppl being different with pushing yourslef helping or being a bad thing. For me personally with ds2 I WAS bf'ing and there was no way around it and that helped for me.

I also posted a similar thread to you and just having some supportive replies helped me get in the headspace a bit better after having a horrible time with ds1 who still wasnt back to birthweight at 7weeks! I looked up ibclc's in my area and sent emails letting them know my history with ds1 and letting them know I was preg with ds2 and just wanting to have a contact in case I had issues with ds2 and I picked one that I felt the best about from their replies.

When ds2 was born he wasnt feeding that well but eventually with the help of some great mw's, they didnt really help that much with actual technique as that was all good it was just having them tell me I was doing good and I just needed to wait for ds to get it, I was in a breastfeeding friendly hosp and I was worried about being kicked out before feeding was established like what happened with ds1 (had antenatal care in that same hosp but was transferred and he was born elsewhere) and I asked when I would go home and was told not to even worry about that, that the focus would be on getting ds2 to feed well, so the supportive hospital and people around me really helped as well as knowing I had an lc only a phone call away when I didnt have time to get online to search etc


Also one of the very best moves we made was we came home on friday and on sat at 5am dh changed spencers nappy and thought he had blood in his nappy, we called the maternity ward at the hospital and with their guidance and turning the light on realised it wa very very dark urate, you know how they get that orange tinge to their wees when they r first born, well thats urate except this was A LOT of it, the hosp said it was ok but knowing that he was mucking around with his feeds and this can be a sign of dehydration I asked if we could come up and I hoped we would see the lc too, its only a small hosp so the lc is actually also a mw (a fabulous mw too) anyway they saw us and said it was ok and then without me asking offered for me to come and get some help with feeding, they went to see about the lc and thought she wasnt going to be in until tues at earliest (was a long weekend) th mw I was with gave me some good advice and the next second the lc popped in spent about 5mins giving me actually advice and then about another hour just sitting there while I pumped and talking and giving support etc we followed her advice and it worked immediately and Spence is now 12months 2days old and still feeding beautifully.

And my beautiful loving dh, would would back me at any point, became informed on bf'ing, believed in me, did everything he could, told me I could do it and that he was proud, he was amazing

So I think....have support and lots of it, bb, family and professional

prepare for problems, have an lc on standby, meantally prepare for it an if you do have problems and you feel the anxiety etc coming on around feeding let ppl know so they can offer you that support and act straight away, I think that is a huge thing!! Because if you let it go futher you get onto a slippery slope and it seems to get harder and harder where as if you start to get stressed an think there are issues and you go back to a professional and you get strategies, they remind you things can resolve very quickly and just give that voice of reason and then you know you can keep going.

And also just trust yourself, your body and your baby, despite what happened first time, this breastfeeding experience with your second is innocent so try no to think of it as guilty until proven innocent

xoxox Breastfeeding is so wonderful and believe me it can be a stressfree and absolutely beautiful experience, I wish you the most gorgeous breastfeeding relationship

Thank you everyone for your replies. I appreciate the support and am happy to hear that people have had success feeding subsequent children.

I am going in with an attitude that breast is best but formula is ok too. DS has thrived on it and it really saved our relationship as I felt so scared of him in the early days as i knew if he was awake i had to feed him and that it would end in tears for him and me. I think we had one semi successful feed in the short time that i did feed and that just didn't give me any hope.

DS went straight on my chest when he was born but he just screamed and screamed and had no interest in the breast. As a first time mum i was in shock and really had no idea what to do with him and he was also early which i didn't expect so i think i was in shock as well as i didn't expect to have him yet. My confidence was low from the very beginning.

I also found the breastfeeding holds very uncomfortable and i dont think that helped to get a good attachment. Add to this that every midwife said something different to me and by the time i even left hospital i had no confidence in what i was doing. Due to my fears i didn't put him on the breast as much as i should have and this meant that my milk didn't come in till day 7.

Thank you everyone for all the tips about how you were more successful. I wil def be taking these tips on.

I just wanted to say that as long as you try your best that is all that matters!!!! Don't get me wrong i also agree that breast is best, but not always possible.

I BF my first son for about 15months!!!!
My second son only for about 4 months as i continued bleeding and bleeding almost non stop and I had had enough and went on the pill to staighten out my period!!
With my DD i only BF her for about 3 months as i was EXHAUSTED ALL THE TIME and was eventually diagnosed with hashimoto's disease a thyroid disease which explained all the tiredness etc, and the reason why i stopped BF!!!
I am now pregnant again i realise thaat it also depends on what position you are in at the time and you should not beat yourself up about the fact that you just could not do it!!
I am also hoping to BF this baby for alot longer then my last two experiences and can honestly say that each time is different. Goodluck with your journey and i hope mine goes well also!!!

Can't remember if you got into the MGP, but if you did, make sure you talk about your experience with DS with them before hand, so they know, and then make sure you take advantage of them after when your home! I know my MGP mw was seeing one of her other mums every day practically as she was having issues and no family support. Don't know if you saw the LC's at the hospital last time, but the ones I saw this time were pretty good so maybe line up an appointment in the early days too.

(Can't believe how quick its going - we'll come for a visit soon, but Lys had gastro this week, so thought better stay away)