some advice please!?

Hello ladies;

I would like to ask you all a few questions if thats ok? :)

Last night my SIL gave birth to a little girl, who is 14 weeks 1 day early (last night I thought she was 13 weeks early, but I had mis counted!)

She was 850g, 36cm long, and apparently she has the lungs of a 30 week gestation bub. At the moment she is stable.

What I am wondering is what sort of road they are going to go down? I know its a long stay in hospital and what not.

And also I am around 13hrs away from them, and am wondering what kind of help I can be of, and so on???

thank you!!

Congratulations to your SIL and Congratulations on being an Aunty :D

26 weekers generally spend until their due date, sometimes just over, in hospital. Most of that time is usually spent in NICU on breathing support. Bub will need tube feeding and SIL will most likely be expressing milk for bub. There are risks of complications, but I won't go into that now. The prem journey comes with lots of ups and down, very much a rollercoaster. One minute bub could being doing well, the next not so well and vice versa.

Depending on how far away from the hospital your SIL will be driving/taking public transport which can get very expensive, so maybe some fuel vouchers or public transport tickets or something like that?

Also just having someone to talk to is awesome in itself. I got very very lonely at the hospital (I stayed in accommodation next to the hospital as I live in the country) Offer her your ears, maybe organise a time of day you can call her or something?

Other than that I can't think of much else if you are unable to get down to see her.

All the best xx

hi beansbeans,

ur SIL is very lucky that her baby is passed the gestation where survival could have been minimal, so there's a postive right there!

i think the fuel vouchers is a fabulous idea. and even tho u may not understand what she is going through, offering her ur support will be priceless.

something my mum did for me while my son was in hospital, was she paid for me to get my hair coloured. i felt very guilty for not being by my sons side, but it also gave me a much needed pick me up! so manybe something that will pamper her for an hour or 2 and make her feel like a person again :)

wish her all the best and congrats on becoming an aunty! xox

Thanks ladies!!

My mum has organised accomodation near the hospital for my bro and SIL when she is finally discharged. At the moment they have said they want no gifts, for either themselves or the baby.

I spent the afternoon researching about what they are likely to go through, and what not.

Would any of you want visitors early on or later in the piece?

I want to go up and help out, whether it be taxi driver, or what not; but I'm not too sure when would be the best time to go. What do you think?

Thank you again

Congratulations on the arrival of a tiny pink bundle of sugar and spice to the family!

Your SIL is very lucky to have the support of her family whilst on such a emotional journey.

Like your SIL, I did not want any gifts as I truly thought that we would never have the chance to use them. However, one gift that I did receive was a hand knitted beanie from my SIL that my little man wore when he was allowed out for kangaroo cuddles. It now holds pride of place in a memory box that I put together with bits and pieces from our NICU journey.

Everyone is different when it comes to visitors. The parent of the little boy who was next to DS asked for her family (including parents) not to visit the NICU. I on the other hand wanted all the important people in my life to meet our little man early on. Most only stayed for a couple of minutes as any longer than that was just too difficult for me, DS and NICU staff.

If you are going to be spending some time with them, the best help you can offer is stacking fridge/freezer with meals and general housework. When you are spending the majority of your day at the hospital, the last thing you want to worry about is dinner and if there are any clean clothes to wear for the next day :(

Talk to your brother and ask him what they would like you to do. Offer your help but leave the ball in their court.

Best of luck!

Congraulations on the birth of your little niece and i wish your family all the best for a very happy future :hug: :D

My brother and SIL have had two NICU babies with two very different paths travelled. My nephew was born at 28 weeks and my niece was born at 30.

For them the hospital was 40 min away and they made the drive (usually 2 times back and forth) every single day. We went and saw both bubbas within a matter of days of them being born. With my nephew we visited every Sunday for a long time, they could only ever have two people visit at a time so a lot of time was spent in a waiting room while we all had our chance to visit. Also i think there is a general concensus of privacy in there and not really peeking too much at the others bubbas.

My nephews journey was very up and down and i think he was in there for a total of 10 months. His lungs were always his issue. But he made it home before celebrating his first birthday!! :D It is really difficult to know what to do and how to help as it depends on the person. I just did my best to show them as much support as i possibly could. Depending on how long your niece is in NICU i would imgine your SIL may like some company, she will struggle to leave her little ones side.

Last year they found themselves in a similar situation with bubba number two, at the same hospital in the same NICU. Thankfully her path was a much more straight forward one of positives all along. She was born in Dec and was home by mid Feb (i think). Just after Christmas she was transfered to a closer less intensive care hospital also which was very exciting. Again i did my best to visit once a week it was more difficult this time as i had two young children and the hospital isn't a place for them.

Depending on bub the NICU seeemd to do their best to involve the parents as much as possible. They encouraged the hugs once they were possible, baths, weighs, feeds (however they were being given). My brother and his partner became experts at looking at the screens and understanding what all the numbers meant and if bub was having a good day. I have a huge respect for them and the doctors/nurses in the NICU.

All in all the two stays were quite different, my brother did say to me once as much as they love to have people come and visit their little ones in hospital it did make them very nervous and could be difficult at times. It's a time of such unknown and scary emotions. They can do such amazing things these days and everyone just needs to stay positive. I remember my first holds of their precious little ones, i felt so privlidged to hold such little miricles in my arms.

I really do wish all the very best for your family and your little niece. May everyone stay positive and healthy :D:hug:

Thank you Myboys! Your post, story is so encouraging!

Mum was discharged tonight and Im waiting for them to get home so I can call... My brother told what time to call, so Im hoping he wont let it ring out... I made him promise me that he would talk to me everyday, just to say hi and whatever else.

I know that bubs was taken off the the ventilator yesterday, but I dont know if its stayed off since. I know she had 30sec where her heart rate dropped but she got it back up by herself. (which to me all sounds good.)
She has a name too which is awesome, miss Carly Claire. And I know that my brother got to see her heaps yesterday and I think he held her hand and some love about 5ish times yesterday. So I think as of yesterday it sounds all good. And so far I know that they are both on their way home, cause I rang whilst they were in the car! Which has to be good to!

Im still not sure what I can do for them, I have been given the job of telling all of our family and I find myself taking my time with it, theres a lot of people to keep up to date once I have called the family!

Thank you again!

HI Beansbeans,

Congratulations to you and your family. That is great news that they took bubs off the ventilator. hopefully bubs will stay off. I assume the little one is now on CPAP?

My bubs was 10 weeks early and got home in 6 1/2 weeks. Then returned for a heart operation at 12 weeks. From my experience I know I really needed the support of family and friends once i got home from hospital. The reality of it really hit me then. In hospital I think i was still in shock and held it together as my DH was often in tears and had trouble explaining what was going on. There were two 27 weekers in our NICU room and they were both home around there due date.

My MIL gave us cab and food money which was fantastic. A couple of things that helped me that you could suggest or get for her - I carried around a little book of photo's with me, it helped when expressing to look at DD, even if if did make me cry.
- Also, a friend came in with a great camera when DD was a week old and took some great photo's that we treasure when we had DD out for only our 3rd kangaroo cuddle. CPAP headgear and all. So cute!
- Getting a diary for SIL to write all the milestones. The are so important and a reminder of how far the little ones come, eg decreased oxygen for CPAP, off CPAP, weight gain (or not), increases in EBM via NGT, first breast contact etc. I even wrote down how much i was expressing as i was so afraid my supply would not increase (i am slightly OCD!!!)

As the weeks progress, people stop contacting as often and then it gets more lonely. So lots of phone calls, offers of visits for lunch etc if possible, and texts. Just knowing that people would be thinking of us helped the long days. Text messages were good as i was not always up for talking and then I still had contact.

I had some well meaning but thoughtless friends who said things like "At least you get a full night sleep" - so i would have to explain how often i would have to express and how sad it was to do at 3am at home with no baby. They did not have kids though.

All the best for your SIL and brother's journey. Keep us posted.

beansbeans sounds like good things are happening for you guys. It's so great that you can post a question and get some help for you and your family and i'm glad i could be a small part of that.

Being off the ventilator is fantastic but i'd also assume she is on CPAP? Either way they are the steps forward you want to be making. It's great news that your brother got some one on one time touching and being able to show their little one some love. She is their daughter and your niece and a special little person that has been introduced into your lives.

I'd say so far you have been fantastic and in time it will become more clear where and when you can help. Like making the phone calls and keeping everyone informed, it will take some pressure off your brother and his partner having to explain things. Cooking up some dinners that could go in the freezer, helping out around the house, so much of their time will want to be spent at the hospital by their little ones side and the less pressures from home the better.

I really hope you have more positive steps forward over the next few days and the many more weeks/months to come. Thinking of your family :hug:

everyone has given such great advise. congratulations on becoming an aunty!
do u know how long they are going to have that accom for?
maybe you can work around that, if they are right near the hosp then a better time to be there when you may be needed to do trips to and from when they are back home.
actually just doing something i found helpful, i had some ppl say to me if there is anything i can do, but i didnt like to ask, if someone just had of shown up with a few meals or to do some washing or something i would have thought that was fantastic.
emotionally they will probably be very up and down, so if they are cranky or say something you dont get or anything dont hang onto it, just let it go and know they are just very stressed with their situation.

Sounds like bub is doing well :D

I was happy to have visitors, but only to visit me. Until Brendan was out of NICU I didn't want to have to take a trail of family in and out explaining everything over and over. It's hard enough to deal with as it is. However I did take in those who arranged in advance and came in with only themselves or one other. Nothing worse than a group of people visiting, it clogs up the halls in the NICU and can be distressing for other parents too.