How did your partner cope with it?

Hey everyone

I joined BB a while ago but think this is my first post! We've been TTC since August 2009 so not a long time, but we went to see a FS as we both just had the strongest feeling that there was something wrong. I was concerned as I have longer and sometimes irregular cycles.

So about 6 weeks ago after DH had gone and given his sample, we found out at our next appointment that he has oligoastenateratozoospermia - now there's gotta be an abbreviation for that somewhere :rolleyes: DH is devastated. Me too of course but in a way I'm glad we know what we're dealing with rather than having a feeling something wasn't right. He just thinks it's so unmanly and there's nothing I can say or do to convince him otherwise. He's so ashamed. Has anyone got any advice about how I can help him to deal with this? How did your partner react?

Now I'm not that familiar with sperm analysis reports, but compared to the WHO stats, his numbers don't sound that good.
Total (million/ml): 8 (WHO 20 mil/ml)
Motile (million/ml): 2.5
Normal forms: 9%

Now it's the motility bit I'm having trouble with - WHO says >50% with forward prog/>25% with rapid linear progression:

Motile sperm: 31%
Rapid linear progression: 5%
Slow/non lin progression: 24%
Non progressive: 2.5%
Immotile: 69%

Not sure how the non progressive ones get included in total motility?
So as far as I can make out, he has 8million sperm per ml, however only 9% (720 000) are normal, and only 31% (2 480 000) are moving anywhere. So even the ones that actually make it to the egg are likely to be abnormal anyway.

If anyone can offer their opinion or let me know if that sounds right that would be great.

Thanks! :)

Hi there Kbean, sorry to hear you are having problems.

My DH and I also visited a FS after trying for some time without success. I also had very irregular periods so naturally thought the problem was all with me. And of course DH kept telling me he has Super Sperm so there could be nothing wrong on his end.

Anyway, it turned out I did have a prob. I was diagnosed with PCOS, but DH also had a problem. He had low and abnormal sperm count. I am not sure what that thing is that your DH has, so I am by no means assuming your issues will be fixed as easily.

My DH started immediately on Menavit, which after his second sperm test (3 months later) there was quite a bit of improvement. Still not great, but definately improved.

Also, please don't lose hope. They can do amazing things with technology these days. Just wait until you have gone through all your options with the FS.

Good luck

Hi kbean! Sorry to hear about your PCOS and hubby sperm.
My DH also has low sperm count 9 million and low motility, 20%. He has had 2 varicoceale operations. I have started DH on Menevit and royal jelly. We are still TTC without intervention but I may be asking FS this month about what our chances are etc. and wonder wether to go for IUI
Did you get told the percentage chance of you become pregnant without assistance from FS?

Hey albi and nellym,

Thanks for your replies, sorry to hear you are both having some problems too. Albi did you Dh redo a SA after his varicocele op to see if there was an improvement? Also I'm not really up to speed on what supplements do what, what does royal jelly do and what is menevit?

Nellym, sorry to hear about PCOS and sperm issues, are you still TTC without any assistance? Where would I get menevit from?

Our FS has referred DH to a urologist to check for no underlying causes and he also has to do a repeat SA next month. If there's no improvement he's suggested we move straight onto IVF/ICSI - he said he doesn't think DH's numbers are good enough to try for IUI or regular IVF. He didn't give us a % of getting pregnant ourselves said it would be a very slim chance but never say never.

We've started him in multivitamin+nutrients and also trying to eat a bit healthier - when i nag him enough :wall:. Trouble is he doesn't really have any issues - he's average weight (maybe a bit skinny!), tries to keep fit, only has a couple of beers a week. I'll start reading up on supplements and see what we can do!

Take care! :)

Hi Kbean,

It sounds like your FS seems fairly on top of it, which is great.

My DH's issues don't sound anywhere near as major as your DH's. We got Menavit from a pharmacy. It is the male version of Elavit and is at most chemists from what I understand.

We purchased our own but I know the Fertility clinic we will be going to (if we need to) give 3 months supply of both upon registration.

We are currently trying with Femara (similar to clomid) to get my bits working properly, the FS said he would give us 4 months with this and then if no success we will move on to IUI.

Good luck with it all, at least your FS has a plan and has not said that it is impossible.

Hi Kbean,
:hug: on the probs that you are having. We too went to be investigated because I thought that we had probs due to an my cycle, but no it was DH's :sperm:. It also turned out that I did have an underlying issue - but that is another story altogether!

We started IVF/ICSI due to sperm issues, DH's test results were:
Count - 4million
Motility - 6%
Morphologhy - 87% abnormal due to small or absent acrosomes

At the time of the above results menevit was just about to come onto the market, but DH refused to take supplements etc - that is just him (and prob his way of trying to deal with the issue by keeping everything else normal). We were told we had about a 1 in a million chance of falling pg naturally, so when we started fertility treatment we went straight to IVF with ICSI - IUI was not considered an option for us. DH had follow up tests (inc ultrasound of his testicals which he just hated) to make sure that there were no other issues - and he was really aprehensive about those tests - but all were clear. I think for them it is a huge leap to go from thinking that there are issues getting pg, to having tests for poor sperm that could show up cancers (very very rare) or other serious health issues.

Honestly, it took DH a long time to come to terms with the diagnosis, and we did not commence IVF for 12months after we found out - not just because of getting used to the idea, we had other stuff going on as well. But it did take a while to get our heads around it. DH found it really hard as well as he could not really talk about it with his mates, many who 'just had to look at my wife and she fell pg' :doh:. When we did finally agree to tell people that we were doing IVF (and it took us a long time), we said that it was for reasons on both sides, and did not go into specifics - I think after a while he told a few mates, but it really took him a long time.

Hope this helps, and hope that your DH's test results improve. I know that it prob is not much comfort, but if the results do not improve, we are lucky to have access to ICSI and other technologies.

Best of luck
FG

Hi again ladies :)

Nellym - thanks for the info, I ordered some menevit online today - at least even if we can't manage TTC on our own, hopefully it'll help raise the quality of the ones they pick for ICSI! Fx for your TTC on meds, with lots of luck you won't need IUI at all :crossfingers: sneding lots of babydust!

Farmgirl - sorry to hear about yours and DH's probs TTC. I think men have different ways of dealing with problems to us girls - we like to talk about it and get comfort from that. I think my DH just needs a bit of time and space to get his head around it. He too is v nervous about going to see urologist for examination + ultrasound. I understand what you mean when you say it takes them a long time to adjust to the idea of it taking longer to get pregnant then suddenly there's no chance and it's him. It's such a shock. TBH my gut feeling is that we'll be going down the ICSI route. We'll just do our best to make sure his sperm are in the best condition they can be for that.

How are you going with ICSI, when did you start your treatment? It sounds like your DH found it v hard too so it's good you both feel the time is right to go ahead now. Heres hoping you have success asap :crossfingers:

Good luck!
Kbean

KBean

Hi ladies,

Im sorry to hear about the difficulties :(

I can sympathize with you all, we have just recieved our bad news regarding DH's sperm. Im not dealing with it well at all, poor DH is even worse. Im actually getting a little scared :( He keeps saying he has destroyed our life and shattered his dreams of becoming a dad and dragging me down with him :( He thinks he isnt a man and a whole heap of other stuff that is apparently "normal" after this sort of news.
I dont know how to comfort him, he is crying more than me at this stage.

The doc can find no issue with me, although I have an appointment with a specialist "just in case".

Does the Menevit really work? The doc gave us 2 bottles of it and wants DH to take it over the next 3 SA..

Hi belizeli,
Sorry to hear about your recent bad news. I can't think of anything to say that will make it easier, but it's taken from Feb until just recently for my DH to come to terms with it properly and be focussed on what's next (ivf/icsi) rather than blaming himself. We even make little jokes about it now with each other which kind of help lighten our mood a little bit.

My DH has been taking Menevit for a few weeks now and before that a super nutrient/vitamin for men. We're just waiting to get results back of another SA he did last week so fx things look up a little bit. I'm sure if your dr is handing them out by the bottle they've got to be worth it :)

I hope it gets a bit easier for you and your DH, hopefully it helps him to know that there are other men out there with the same kind of problems. Has your dr let your know what he thinks the next steps should be?

Thanks kbean,

unfortunately the news has been a little worse now, DH has a zero sperm count, and its hit him even harder now that it appears IVF/ICIS is no longer a possibility. He has been crying non stop and I just recieved a text message which has alarmed me.. he is saying he wants to die and should just kill himself because his life is over. He has been crying at work and his boss has tried to talk to him as he went through IVF himeslf but DH wont listen because it wasnt his bosses FI, it was his partners.. *sigh* I want to help him but I dont know what to say to that. Im not giving up until we get a biopsy, there is still a tiny chance they could find some live cells (he has atrophy due to undescended testes not being treated as a child) which they could use for ICIS. He has a small amount of blood flow so Im hoping some of his testes is still alive to allow this.

We are off to see a specialist at monash so we shoudl soon know where we are with it all.

Belizeli
I couldn't read and not post. Big :hug: to you. I really hope that your DH has improved today, this must be so stressful for you. Some counseling might help - a third party could help put things into perspective. Maybe get him to check out the discussions here - I'm sure there are others who have experienced the same thing.

Thanks Kass :)

He's a lot better..still hurting but at least not coming out with things that worry me senseless!

Not long now until the FS gives us our options (9 days but who's counting right?) and hopefully its positive!
I did read that Monash had Australias first birth from open testicular biopsy so Ive got everything crossed tight!

Thanks for the update - I'm glad to hear things are a little better - I was worried for you! I really hope you get some good news - fingers crossed!

Hey girls.. just wanted to let u know that Sperm Max is apparently better then Menevit in treating male fertilty issues. Its only just gone on the market in the last few weeks. We found out that my dh has 98% abnormal sperm so i put him straight on it! Hoping it makes some difference! U can get it from health stores or some pharmacies. Good luck! :)

Hi Reet,
Glad that are making some progress.
Wishing you lots of luck.
FG

Hi ladies, Im so sorry to hear of the difficulties. My DH and I had to do IVF/ICSI as his sperm was missing the enzyme required to break through the outer layer of my eggs. Initially it hit him hard but we got through it.
I can highly recommend a call to mensline to help you understand how best to talk to you partner in order to help them through this time. Wishing you the best :crossfingers:

Hi all, this is my first post but I just thought I'd say I've done a LOT of study and can help with fertility products for men and women. My DP had an ok count to begin with but has a major motility problem- apparently it's genetic and absolutely nothing will change it :( he only had 1% progression at all and they were way slow. Buuuuuut................ his count has gone through the roof with the supplements I've been giving him and nutrition changes and I'm sure that if it was possible to improve his motility, they would be supersonic, too. There is too much to list but if anyone wants to know, tell me