Okay...can someone please (with a cherry on top) give me a run down on it all!!

Hi all. (This may be a bit all over the place and dumb haha). Outlining, my gf and I are discussing when is the right time to start the entailings of having a baby. We are still quite new to this, and I am hoping someone could give us a short run down on the processes and time lines from the start of planning, to carrying the baby. I am interested in information about conceiving with an unknown sperm donor, what the planning stages consist of, time lines, and the decisions of possible sperm donors (intellectual and physical). Going to a clinic, how we do go about gaining sperm, etc? What tests etc does the tummy mummy have to go through? I am sure that I do not have any medical issues with fertility, so we would be fine to inseminate at home. Is the donor sperm kept in quarantine and distributed to us to home inseminate?? Or is it done in the clinic if you use one? I am no good at abreviations, so what are the different costs each cycle? If we decided to advertise or find someone privately to donate for us (not a friend etc, just aquaintance), I would want the sperm health screened, so would the sperm will be screened for a period of time, then available for us to inseminate with?

Hahaha sorry I'm so ignorant, I just want someone to give me a few pointers on where to start off and what occurs etc. I am in WA. Any small details and assistance is appreciated!

Thanks!!!!!!!
Jenna and Jess

Well, my partner and I are using a known sperm donor and started home insem at xmas and fell preg first cycle but it turned out ectopic and now have lost a tube.
We went to a fertility clinic and for them to do insem with a known donor is about $1500.
To buy the sperm it costs more.
To harvest eggs and fertilize then re implant you're looking at about $10,000. Syd prices.
Our donor is my girls best friend for 20 years and is keen as to be a dad.
The baby will be ours but he will be known and have the same rights as a separated father, weekends etc. Although this works well cos he travels 4 months of the year with his business.
There are lots of great book though. We have them all. Can't think of any titles as they are at home and I am at work.
The essential guide to lesbian pregnancy and birth (i Think) is a really good one.
Then one called the other mother for my partner as i am the tummy mummy.
Hope this helped..

Hi Guys,

We're lurkers on here but reading everyone's posts have been so helpful to us in the past that we thought we'd see if anything we've picked up along the way might prove helpful to you guys.

We talked about getting pregnant for soooo long and spent for ever reading and getting as much information as possible but in the end what turned out to be the most helpful was starting the whole process, contacting the clinic and asking them an extraordinary amount of questions about the whole process.

We used an unknown donor (from the states) and went though a clinic in Sydney (so not sure how much all this differs to WA). To start with K (tummy mummy) had a heap of blood tests and a scan to check everything was in good working order. Then we had a consult with the clinic's psychologist to talk about some of the issues that can occur with using unknown/known donors, she asked us about male influences in our lives and our support networks etc. We had to travel down to NSW from the NT for the IUI insemination (no one ever mentioned home insemination to us so not sure about that one). So, we had to ring the clinic on day 1 of K's period and they then tell you what to do when. We had to go to the clinic several days before ovulation for scans to check the eggs were growing/good size etc and then when they told us to I had to inject K with a trigger shot of something called pregnyl which helps trigger ovulation, exactly 24 hours after that shot we were in having the insemination which K states was totally painless and easy (we sat together watching fish in a tank thinking swimming thoughts:-).

Then there was another 3 shots in the days after which help keep the uterus lining nice and plump and we got on a plane back to the NT. That was our first go and amazingly it worked and the sprout is now due to arrive in just under 8 weeks!

Cost wise....I think we paid approx $900 for the sperm donation (one straw) and maybe $1500 for all other tests and proceedures. WE'd reached the medicare safety net so got about 80% of that back (not including sperm costs as that's not covered I don't think).

As for donor choice, the clinic we used gets donations from a place in the states so they gave us their website and we paid about $150 to get 3 months full access to view all their donors (you get to see an AMAZING amount of info!) we spent so much time in the run up thinking about donors and trying to choose and then when it came down to it it's got more to do with what's available on the day of the insemination (we couldn't pre-stock up on sperm from a specific donor until there was a confirmed pregnancy), things change so quickly with donors so although it was a nice part of the process thinking about what aspects we'd like to choose when it came down to it there was actually only about 3 or 4 to choose from (luckily our 2nd choice was available on the day)

WE found it to be an amazing process and the staff at the clinic were great. Hope some of that is helpful to you guys. Good luck on your baby journey, it's amazing!

H&K

Mum+Mum, thanks for the info. Im sorry to hear your first pregnancy didn't go to plan, i hope you have more luck to come. And I will get some books for sure for a read up.

Thunderstruck, hugely appreciate your reply. I think I know what you mean about starting the whole process with a clinic! So much information and peoples opinions (which is super great), I have read your post over 3 times haha, but going to a clinic I guess would signify the beginning of it all in reality.
From your post I gather that sperm available will really depend on the clinic that you go to, eg from Aus or America, but I am aware of the Aus shortage. Would you mind saying what clinic in Sydney you went to? (my partner is from Sydney.) Can't say i love the sounds of all the needles i'll have to have, but I guess it will all be worth it in the end!!
Congratulations on your bundle and all the best. Make sure you post when he/she arrives.
Jess + Jenna.

Hi Jess & Jenna,

Yeah, I'm really not sure about how different things might be at other clinics but at the one we went through (Fertility First in Hurstville) the majority of donors were from the states, actually I think there was only 1 aussie donor and he was reaching his 10 family limit. Once we had registered with them they'd usually send us a donor list several times a month which usually had about 15 donors on it. There was really basic information on that list but then we'd look up the donor numbers on the US site (Xytex) to look at more information. There you can see photos, full family history, personality test, donor essay etc.

ooh, I mean't to say we got two fab books from fishpond.com.au

One was by Rachel Pepper (can't remember the title but i just searched for lesbian pregnancy) and that was really good for finding out about the actual process (clinics and home insemination), things to think about with regard to donors and then info for through the pregnancy. The other one we found interesting was called "For Lesbian Parents" which is a lot more focused on the actual parenting side of things. Both from the states but still I'd highly recommend them.

Good luck on your journey and let us know how you're going of if you've got anymore questions. I found everyone here soo helpful and just reading back through some of the older posts is where we found heaps of great info and support.

xx

Thunderstruck, Wow! I have a friend who had a baby through donor program at Fertility First in Hurstville! Baby is around 5 months now, and the donor she used was also from America. She probably used the Xytex site as you did, and I was lucky enough to be shown by her the website and the profiles, so I see how much info you would have also viewed! :] Jessica (partner) is really keen on finding as much info as possible about the sperm donor etc, so I hope WA clinics are similar in that respect. Otherwise, we may enquire to Fertility First.

I may be mistaken, but I was under the impression that sperm could only be deposited to 5 families? Or does it differ, whether the sperm is Aussie or American?

I was wondering about where I would gain some parenting books, (explaining donor/father situations etc), I think ebay America is the place to start!! Thanks for the heads up.

I bet you are getting more and more excited about meeting your bub, do you know the sex? The friend who I mentioned also went through Fertility First, found out the sex of her little girl. When I enquired why, she exclaimed "I thought the fact I could only picture 50% of what she looks like was a big enough surprise!" Haha.
Anyway, thanks so much for your replies again, we appreciate it, and goodluck!!
J+J xx