Please tell me I'm not the only one!!

hi all, new to forum. just wanted to hear some friendly voices really :)

I have a nine month old little boy and he is still not sleeping through the night. We get up to him at least 4 or 5 times a night on average between about 7.30pm and 6am. Sometimes more, sometimes slightly less. We have not had a full night's sleep yet :( Am I expecting too much? Do most babies not sleep through by nine months??
I stopped his night feeds about 2 months ago, so it's not even that he's waking up to feed...

I've just read people talking about sleep patterns being interrupted by teething or developmental milestones. But for us, it's like there's no patter to interrupt! So i wouldn't know if his disturbed sleep is a result of either of those things.

Guess the sleep deprivation just has me a little frustrated and it would be nice to hear from people going through the same thing!!

My DD2 still has one feed at night at 14 months old at about 3am. I tried to stop her night feeds but she would just wake up constantly all night and it was driving me crazy. She would just scream and scream. So I "gave in" and started the one feed again. She will sleep after the feed and we are all happier for it. I don't know the background of why you stopped the night feeds or whether you use a dummy etc. Just giving you our experience at the moment. DD2 did start sleeping badly at 6 months old and still isn't sleeping well. But she started crawling at 7 months, walking at 10 months and has been getting a whole heap of teeth etc so I'm hoping that once all this is over, she will sleep. How do you settle him when he wakes up at night? Does he scream for a long time or does he go back to sleep easily when you settle him? Sending you some huge hugs. Sleep deprivation is torture.

Hey Kel, my DS1 is nearly 3, and still rarely gives us a full night of sleep, so you're definitely not alone. I can't really give you any tips to help improve things, cos if I could, then I would have a sleeper! Having said that, I do like Pinky McKay's methods & also Elizabeth Pantley's "no cry sleep solution" approach, if you're after some reading. What are his day sleeps like? I found with DS1 that if his day sleeps were kept to a standard time each day (roughly), that things overnight were better. The days when our "routine" is out of whack are the ones we pay for overnight. Another thought is to look at food intolerances - not something I've done, but I have a couple of girlfriends who have been down this path, and they reckon that it made a difference to their kids behaviour/sleep.


On the really bad nights, I remind myself that it won't last forever - when he's a teenager, I'll probably not be able to wake him up :)

Hi Kel :hello:
You are so not alone! My DD1 is almost 4 and still wakes up in the night most of the time. She will now crawl in bed with us and we all get way more sleep than previously. I have no helpful advice except for you to trust your instincts and do what is best for you all. I have tried many things and in the end cosleeping was the only way to preserve my sanity as it is the only way to get more sleep. I spent way to much time listening to the stories of others whose babes slept through and tied myself up in knots - such a waste of time and energy. DD2 her is a much better sleeper in comparison but we still often play musical beds of a night - this morning DD2 and I woke up in DD1's bed whilst DD1 was in my bed with DH! Take of yourselves and rest when you can - and remember sleep is not the measure of your parenting skills!
I look forward to seeing you around! xx

Thanks guys. Good to hear I'm not alone.

I stopped the night feeds 'cause I really didn't think he needed them. It seemed more like I was using feeding as a way to settle him? He has four 240ml bottles a day, plus three full feeds of solids plus 2 snacks so I really don't believe that he could be hungry!? Seems like a lot of food for a little tummy anyway.

When he wakes we try to resettle him without picking him up. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. Usually he'll resettle quite easily up until about 3am-ish. Then it's almost every half hour and he can be just about impossible to resettle. He doesn't scream though (he used to but that was when I was feeding him at night). He just kind of cries, then when we go in he stops. It's just like he's not even tired?! like he could get up and play if we let him. He just has so much energy.

My husband thinks that sometimes he's actually standing up in his sleep and then he wakes himself up and starts crying and doesn't know to lie back down again.

Come to think of it, I guess that's been one of our biggest problems. His standing up in his cot. He's been standing up since the day of his 6 month birthday. I've read lots of stuff about sleep training, but none of it has mentioned what to do about them standing up. Anyone got any ideas? If he would just stay horizontal I think that half of his wake-ups would be eliminated. That's the problem with a lot of the sleep training methods. Most of them say not to pick them up or touch them etc so that they can learn to re-settle themselves. But if we don't lay him down then he just won't go back to sleep...

Sorry, I am rambling!!

Be careful with reading too much!! There are so many books out there, and articles, and opinions - you need to sift thru it and work out what is going to work for you. Or try a few things and not be afraid to say "Nope, didn't work, scrap that!"

My DD (now 15mths) was still waking at night til about 12mths. Even now, sometimes she randomly wakes up. Like you, I didn't think it was a food thing as she was a good eater and still having good BFs during the day, so I didn't reintroduce a night feed. We just persisted with settling her... and eventually she got it.

Can your DP help? So you get a bit more sleep? Or are you both just as sleep deprived??

WRT the standing up thing - maybe if you catch it before he is fully awake, like if you go into him as soon as you hear him stirring and try and either lie him down straight away before he's woken up or even stop him before he stands, that might help? I'm not too sure... sorry! We haven't had to face that one (yet, touch wood!).

I really don't think you'll get him to understand that lying down is sleeping time if you don't touch him - I don't like books that say you're not too touch them to resettle them - but that is just my opinion. Like I said at the start of the post, you need to figure out what will work for you - more importantly, what feels right to you.

As a mother, touching my child to soothe her felt much more natural to me than the hands off approach. Even now - we've just begun transitioning to a big bed and she's been a bit unsettled, rubbing her back and stroking her face is much more affective than not touching her.

But there are some babies that might get more and more awake if you touch them, so you'll have to see how your DS responds to different things.

You say he has a lot of energy - my DD is similar and for her, I think she began sleeping better when she started walking (around 12 months). She burns more calories and energy up and walking than when she was crawling! So that may also occur with your DS - once he starts to be more active, he might sleep better at night!

How are his day sleeps? How many and how long?

:hug: I know how hard this period can be for you. Hang in there.

Good advice :) thank you.

His day sleeps are ok now actually. He is having three sleeps, but i think he's in the process of dropping one of them. He is 9 months in a weeks time. He sleeps in the morning for about 45-60mins. then at midday for around 40 mins and then in the afternoon for around 60 mins (sometimes the afternoon one stretches out to about 1.5hours). Is this average? No idea if it is or not :)

He is an extremely active baby. Has been crawling since 5 months and standing up since 6 months. Even now he is climbing our staircase (with me close behind!) and he still doesn't wear himself out!!! He's not walking yet, but looks to be close to it. I really hope the walking will wear him out 'cause thus far nothing else has :)

So about 4hrs all up during the day? Yeah I think about 4hrs is pretty normal for day sleeps at that age! Sounds like he might be dropping back to two sleeps - I found that when DD did that (I think around the same age too, 9mths) she'd be awake for about 3hrs, then sleep for an hour-ish, then awake for another 3, asleep for another 1 or so, then awake til bedtime.

Now she is starting to just have the one sleep, but it is a big one, normally around 1.5-2hrs.

Wow, crawling since 5mths!!! Walking can't be far off! There are a lot of developmental milestones that happen in the first 12 months so it could just be that he hasn't slowed down enough to get into a good sleep routine at night time. Eventually he will work it out!

Its something they don't tell you when you sign up to be a parent - something like 30% of babies are still waking overnight at 12mths!! It is not uncommon or unusual!

As I said, hang in there!!