How can I be quieter in labour?

I made a lot of noise in my first labour and as I'm having a homebirth this time with my 2.5 year old son possibly present I would prefer to have a quieter, calmer labour if possible.

I think some of the noise I made during contractions was really a cry for sympathy. I think without realising what I was doing, I made noise to let my H to know how painful each one was so he could understand. I'll talk to him about that and ask him to follow my (hopefully) quieter contraction rythmns and support and sympathise with me the same way so I don't feel the need to be as vocal.

I also talked a little between contractions. Asking for water, what the time was... this was pretty occasional as I was pretty zoned out but perhaps the fact that I was still being mentally present made me more vocal and if I zoned out more I could be quieter?

I was instructed to push very hard due to a long second stage, which was against birth centre 'rules' so perhaps my screaming like a banshee through the pushing and crowning was more due to the unnatural intensity? This time around, my midwife and I have already decided I wont be pushing and I can have a looonnnggg second stage if that what it takes for the baby to come out at their own pace- so maybe that will help me quieter?

If it comes down to it and I need to made noise, I will. If my son can't handle it he can leave with his support people but if possible I'd prefer to see if I can have a calmer, quieter labour.

I'm not sure about hypnobirthing/calmbirthing classes. I have no fear of labour and I'm concerned they'll go on about that and I'll feel frustrated that I'm not getting what I want out of it IYKWIM. Maybe an audio thing I can do myself would be good?

Any ideas? :D

My advice - don't try. You need to birth the way you need to birth. DW has had three home waterbirths, and she's yelled and screamed through each one. At the last one, we had a 2 year old and a 4 year old. We practiced with them beforehand, showed them a video of the last birth, and play-acted some of the sounds and things DW would do during labour, and they weren't phased one bit.

DW needs to be vocal, she needs to make noise during her birth. There's nothing wrong with that, although sometimes she does feel a bit embarrassed. I try and reassure her that making noise is an important part of gathering the strength she needs to push that baby out. Perhaps you do as well?

I agree with Schmickers. Doing a bit or role play and explaining what may happen to your son is a great idea. I found that I became more vocal with each labour lol. One thing that helped me was to make my noises lower during a contraction. When I started going high pitch my midwife gently reminded me to lower my voice and this some how helped me focus. Good luck

During the pushing stage, I was making quite a bit of noise until my midwife explained to me that all my pushing energy was escaping through my voice and not through the birth canal. I really tried to put my chin down and focus all my energy in pushing the baby out instead of through my screams and I was much more productive.

During labour, I tried to talk to myself instead of yelling in pain. I would often repeat to myself. One step close, one step closer, or its okay, its okay, its okay (getting louder as the contraction grew but it was positive self talk).

I like the role play ideas as well.

Good luck and remember whatever happens, happens. You birth how you feel comfortable at the time :hug:

I'm in two minds about this as well...

For me, I find it helpful to make noise and I have quite short labours, so it's not like making noise will take away from my pushing ability or slow things down much. Last time I had a midwife tell me I would hurt my throat from the grunting/groaning. As if I would really care about the pain in my throat as opposed to the other end!

Now I don't know what to do this time, as that midwife has made me feel quite self conscious...

Think of all the noise the elite sports players make especially some of the tennis players! If it helps you to focus your strength to where it's needed who cares if you scream the house down.

I have read that breathing techniques help i think it was called lamars birthing technique thats if u are really worried about it, but def if u feel like making noise DO IT!!!!

Thanks everyone. I wasn't at all self conscious of my noise last time and I am a little concerned that I'm going to make myself self conscious this time so it's really reassuring to be told to make noise! I have a feeling that some women make noise and some don't- it's not about how you are coping, or how "good" you are I guess it's just personal style.

I guess I'll see how I go. Last time I was reminded a couple of times to try and make deeper sounds and it kind of p!ssed me off to be honest! I wanted to just do what I wanted and not have anyone tell me otherwise.

I am a little concerned about my sooky little mama's boy who doesn't like loud noises! And the fact that we don't have close family here so if he has to go to someone else's house it's going to be a bit hard for him. I guess it's just a few hours in our lives and we'll deal with it. Thanks for the role playing idea- I can picture it now! :lol:

Congratulations on your planned homeibirth! :hug:

I have had siblings present at my births & like some PP I coached my kids beforehand. I "made the noise that makes the baby come out" whilst doing the dishes, having a shower, folding the washing etc etc... I squatted, I got on all fours, I swayed my hips and I made the noise. Smetimetimes it was really loud and sometimes it was gutteral. But I just made noise. So they got used to the fact that labour is ouchy sometimes and we make noise...

I think it's important to be real. Some women are quite noisy some are quiet. Most women are both at different stages of their labors.

It's about preparation of the kids and you. When a woman is using a lot of throat noise in labour it usually tells me that there is fear or a feeling of not being able to cope with what's happening. Lowering the place the noise comes from is important. Think of the cows in the paddock they grunt it comes from right down low... That's how we know that the body is opening - when the noise is comign from lower down. So yes, it's important to remember this...

I just coax you to "make the noise that makes the baby come out" as much as possible in all the usual places that women labour - in the laundry, in the bathroom, bedroom in the car.... It then becomes "normal"... And you know what? There is nothing more normal than having a baby with siblings gathered around, at home mooing like a cow... I love it! :hug:

I agree - don't try. It'll just make you tense!

Few things I did in my labour, and apparently I was quite quiet - was moan, I found it relaxing, some how. I also used a comb and pushed it really hard into that fleshy part where your fingers meet your palm. It's a pressure point for pain apparently. Worked a treat I reckon :)

GL!

I just thought I'd ask... were you really that noisy?
I kept apologising for grunting and roaring but after my son was born I talked with the mw, doula and my hubby about it. I said giggling I wish I'd recorded my noises because it was so loud and they looked puzzled the mw said I wasn't noisy at all, the doula was shaking her head and dh said it wasn't like I was screaming (he said I'm much louder when I'm yelling at him!) I felt like I was making noises like an angry lion - but apparently not :) :lol:

Nah- I was noisy :lol: I had large chunks of contractions where I didn't make that much noise and I think I'd like to try more of that next time. I made a lot of noise while pushing (very loud grunts/yells) but I was being told to push hard to get baby out in the hospital time limits so I'm sure I can avoid that too. I really honestly screamed the place down during crowning.

We just bought "Hello Baby" and I read it with my son. I then pointed to the pictures of the baby coming out and chatted to him about the noise mummy makes when the baby comes out and made some loud groans. He didn't like it and hid behind the couch, peeking at me to try and work out what I was doing!

Hey there ,
I agree with Schmickers.
I am a very noisy mummy when I am in labour and I laboured at home with my DS almost 4 months ago until 9cm. My daughter was 2 yrs 2 months. I had her with me in the pool in early labour and around the house with mum in the later stages. They just seem to know the difference between labour noise and pain noise. My DD was so gorgeous in early labour when I was not really making too much noise but moaning through the contractions, She was cuddling me quietly and pouring water over my belly and between contractions was dancing and singing. Later she wasn't worried at all by the noise, in fact she slept for 2 hours at the height of the noisiest parts only 5-6m away from where I was labouring (very noisily)
What was the most amazing thing was that she came straight in after DS was born (The hospital policiy was that she couldn't be in there until after) and while they were checking me for tears I let out a bit of a yelp, very quiet in comparison and she burst into tears. Thats why I say they seem to know.
I thought I would be much quieter this time and had been very embarrassed that I was noisy the first time, but now i think you just do what you do. Here's hoping you get to birth at home in a safe, peaceful environment. I had another long second stage and ended up with people yelling at me about pushing, even when I didn't have a contraction, the only people in the room who believed I could do it were me and DH and what do you know...I did it as they were preparing their instruments.I feel certain there would have been less palava if I was still in my home, but things don't always go to plan...Don't overthink it, just do what you need to do and in approx 143 days you'll be holding your second little miracle!

I was noisy too. One of my midwives actually told me to "Stop yelling!" My response was "I will yell if I want to!" I did a lot of the gutteral moaning and some yelling into a pillow. Meh, it was my way of coping and it worked for me.

hehe, My DP said "I expected you to make more noise during labour" (I'm a very vocal person). Thinking back I was pretty quiet except for the giggling in between contractions/pushes. I found giggling helped through the pain for the next contraction/push.
I heard quite a few women labouring at the hospital and as far as i'm concerned, different women cope differently in labour. One woman was really yelling and I heard her from the other end of the maternity ward. All i thought was "well I hope that's her method of coping"

i would still recommend a calmbirth course. it is a common misconception that they are there to overcome birth fear. i have no fear of birth but decided to go along to a course this time around as i needed DH and I to be on the same page for our journey to a HB. like you, alot of my vocalisation came from my need to let others know that things in the labour were shifting (DH was snoring away on the couch and midwife was always too busy with her magazine outside the delivery suite to take notice of the changes herself).

Although have to add that calmbirth courses do not teach you to be 'quiet' or anything like that (in fact our instructor kept mentioning the 'grunt' that many women make as the baby starts to descend...and it can be LOUD lol!). rather it is ALLLL about the breathing and relaxation and is IMHO INVALUABLE for partners of the labouring women to attend. they learn the cues, the techniques and the processes and are included 100% in the process.

mebbe check out if there are some calmbirth books avail that you could buy/borrow to see if the breathing techniques can help maintain focus etc and direct energy towards opening up to the surges rather than focusing on the vocalisation???

that said, i reckon a good ol' yell fest can do wonders for venting during labour LOL!