New and very confused!

Hi All,

I'm a long-time reader, first time poster :)
Have you got a cuppa? You might need one, my post is a touch long becasue I'm another new and confused girl looking for answers, and most of all re-assurance, I think.

I’m 30 and hubby is 37 and we’ve been trying since August 09. Before then I’d been on the Pill since about 2002 and a lot of the time skipped the placebo so would only get AF when it was convenient for me.
Since coming off the Pill (last August), AF had been pretty regular – around 30-31 days, until January… January came and went with no sign of AF but I was nauseous, had sore, tender boobs, tired and bloated. I gave it the obligatory 2 week wait then by the time I went to get the HPT, AF was back – right at the time she would be due if everything was going according to plan (or what I thought was my plan) – 31 days after when AF was due to arrive in January.
So AF is back on time in February and back with vengeance!!
I don’t know what happened but something weird happened. AF was really heavy (not usual for me), I had really bad cramps (and I’ve never had period cramps!), I was doubled over in pain, crying. I took a Neurofen plus and managed to fall asleep/pass-out. When I woke half hour later, I felt much better, <<TMI warning>> went to the loo and it was like the AF was just pouring out of me. Then this thing just came out – no idea what it was, about the length of a finger, thickness of whiteboard marker, like a mass of tissue/lining, I don’t know. I felt much better after that, no more cramps.

Another 31 days later, no AF in March and this time we do test and it’s a BFN :wall: And now is when it’s starting to niggle at me. The whys? And whats? are constantly going around in my head. Then 31 days after AF was due in March she arrives in April like clock-work. This time, no pain, cramps, A-OK. Except for the fact I feel like crap because if she’s here, then what I want is not…

Come May. No AF on her ‘due’ date. I start to think, I getting used to this: AF every second month. The questions keep doing rounds in my head – does it mean my cycle is 62 days or does it mean I’m only ovulating on 1 side?? Then BAM! Out of the blue 46 days after AF in April, she’s back and I’m devastated.

We’ve been counting the '14 days after AF’ to pin-point my O date, but that’s not working cause we’re still not pregnant. I was going to buy ‘Maybe Baby’ but from reading about the experience of other users, I’m not sure I want to outlay that kinda money… We’re putting off going to the doctors for now because we haven’t been trying for a year yet. And I know it’s stupid, but I don’t really want to see a doctor yet, because I guess it means that we have a ‘problem’ whereas at the moment, we still just ‘trying’. And all around me everyone is falling pregnant, I feel like I get another dagger in my heart every time someone shares their happy news…

Also (this is stupid question): does being really susceptible to cystitis affect your ability to conceive? I have to have a pee within ½ hour of DTD, otherwise I start to get the symptoms of cystitis. Am I wiping away what I preciously need!?

Like I said, I’m confused. If anyone out there has any answers or re-assurance please send it my way and thanks for reading my about the last 5 months of my life.

Toni.

Hi there Toni

Im sorry you are very confused, I dont have alot of advice as Im new to everything as well, but if this is causing you so much angst maybe go to the dr and just discuss your concerns they maybe able to recommend something to assist you to work out your dates etc, it doesnt necessarily mean there is anything wrong with you. Who knows might even pay to have a check-up make sure nothing else (health related) is not affecting your TTC journey. It might just be all the stress from it all that AF is being even more nasty than usual.

In regards to the cystitis I used to be a really really bad sufferer to, but found that Cranberry vitamin tablets help keep them to a minimum and also drinking lots and lots of water, Im not a big coffee drinker, usually have one or two a week as well as I only allow myself one can of coke a day. I was told this all helps and I beleive it does, so maybe worthwhile giving that a shot, if you are not already doing that.

In regards to the "wiping away the good stuff" I have been told its good to stay in bed for 1/2 hour - 45 minutes to just relax and enjoy everything, but I find if I go to the toilet before DTD (ie. go before getting in bed lol) then Im usually alright for an hour or two after DTD before I need to go again...sorry if TMI too.

I hope this helps hun
big hugs
Tan
xox

Hey babe! I'm so sorry to hear your fustrated and are having issues with ttc! Firstly the discharge thing... Sorry to Be the one to suggest it but maybe (big maybe) it was a m/c. I had one about 3 years ago and it was excruciating, I had really bad cramping and a large amount of tissue and heavy bleeding. After I had my m/c my periods were very irregular and 'different'. But in saying that I may be totally off course about your situation. Regarding charting your ovulation period I would highly suggest instead of counting CD's (which can be a reliable method of charting) try to take your temp every morning before you get up, chart your CM and testing with ovulation test strips. I have used the maybe baby and for me personally with DS it didn't work at all but have had reports of it working so that's totally up to you but I find charting CM and test strips the best. I have a 28 day cycle and I usually ovulate on the 18th day so not right in the middle of my cycle so I don't beleive that every woman ovulates right in the middle of thier cycle. I truely hope that you have some luck soon! If you do have to go to the doctor about this they will most likely ask for some charting details and history etc so might be good to start now. Sorry for rambling! Xx

Hiya,
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Thanks guys for reading and your advice.
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Tan >> Thanks for your advice on cystitis.* Previous to TTC, the Dr always told me have a wee straight after DTD to get rid of any bacteria.* I think I will take your advice and start on the cranberry vitamins then I can chill a little and relax in the 'afterglow' after DTD :)
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Nat >> Don't worry about bringing up the m/c subject.* It does cross my mind that that is what it was and I will let the Dr know when I do go in and see her.
I've now bought the O testing kit and paying more attention to my CM.* As a little side, I mentioned to DH that we don't even have kids yet and they're already costing us money!* Oh Well I guess if I'm not laughing, I might be crying :/* As a back up plan, DH and I have decided to DTD every 3 days and hope for the best :D
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Thanks again for all the advice and I'll let you know if I get any further news.
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Toni.

Hey, in regard to your DR saying you should "wee straight after DTD to get rid of bacteria", i have read that your not meant to do that as you might be getting rid of the bacteria but you are also getting rid of a lot of sperm as well, thats y you are supposed to stay in bed for a while afterwards so you giving the sperm a helping hand by not weeing them out and also helping by staying lying down gravity isnt making it harder for them to swim.

Hi Toni :hello:

Sorry to hear it has been a rough time!
I'm new too and in a somewhat similar position to you.
I am almost 31, DH is almost 37 and we have been TTC since July 09.

I have just started using OPK's and will start charting my temp soon as well. I think it will make more sense to me if I can see it all on paper and recognise the patterns/changes visually.

We have finally booked in to the doc for next month... after putting it off for ages because we were hoping we wouldn't need to go and just wanted it to happen without any 'problems' being realised. BUT now that I have made the appointment I feel better knowing that I might get some answers... or at least a new direction rather than just chasing my tail here! It's so hard when there are so many 'what ifs' and 'maybes' and I think that ultimately though it's confronting, going to the doc can mean peace of mind too.

And the 'happy news' is a sore point I really empathise with at the moment too... one of my close friends and my sister-in-law are about to pop. I am so pleased for them, truly... but also a bit sad for me and my fella. It's normal.

hang in there babe, hope things roll along a bit more smoothly in the coming months.
good luck :goodluck:

LMM
xo