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Hi,
My girlfriend has just had a baby and is feeling very overwhelmed by it all. I myself have had 3 kids and I remember feeling the same way. I was sitting there today and watching the poor girl receive advice from everywhere and was cringing! Especially one women who was a trained (no longer practising) mothercraft nurse was really full on. My question is how can I help her get through this crazy stage without lumping my own advice on her?
Thanks in advance
If it was me I'd probably just want someone to tell me that they know what i'm going through, that this overwhelming time happens to most (if not all) new mums. And to just trust her instincts and do what she feels most comfortable doing!
You're a great friend for wanting to help!! xx
Help look after everything else for her so that she has as much head-space as she can to devote to this particular issue.
Stick the 1800 mum-2-mum number near her phone and make her promise to call it before reaching for the formula.
Point out that it gets easier - mouths get bigger, babies get less floppy, Mums get less exhausted.
And lots and lots of hugs for her and bub!
Go around to her place with dinner prepared. While you are there, put some washing on and help a bit around the house. Be there for her to talk to and just listen without giving advice if she doesn't ask for it. Hold baby while she gets some sleep if she is tired. Take her and baby out for coffee or a walk around the block to get some fresh air.
Sometimes the best help is just having a friend to talk to and have a good laugh with. Being able to communicate and express who she is coping is one way of being able to cope. Get some nyum food and visit, but slip in some physical help while you are there, like clean the toilet when you go, sweep the floor while she has something to eat, put some washing on and hang it up etc, but just make is casual during your visit. It kinda frustrated me that some people came over just to see the baby and would only sit there and give the baby attention and me advice, my beautiful sis used to ring and tell me that she was coming to visit ME lol.
Dropping off a few leftover meals is a very practical way to help without intruding at all. And she will be grateful!
If you are close, popping around to do some laundry might be okay. Otherwise, I know a close gf of mine cried with relief when I paid for a cleaner to come around for her. Perhaps offering to pick up some groceries next time you're 'in the area'? You don't really need to ask to drop things off in an esky at the front door, just make it a surprise. And add a nice bunch of flowers or a note to let her know you're thinking of her.
I agree with the above!! The friends who come around and don't expect me to entertain them, who can get themselves and me a hot drink, who pay DS1 lots of attention and bring us food or do a quick bit of housework are absolute treasures. I personally couldn't have made it through the last 4 weeks without the 2 of them and my mum. The other visitors are just more work in these early days! And mum kept reminding me to trust myself and that I will get through this fog, and she did it without giving me un-asked-for advice too.