Need to hear some honest 2nd time around BF stories...

Hello ladies,

I am asking to hear from ppl who could not BF their first baby, what were your experiences for subsequent babies?

I guess I am going through a bit of a reflection about my BF experience, which has made me question what I could have done better...but also when I can do better next time.

In short, my experience:

I had an emergency C/S, my milk didn't "come in" until day 6. I had some attachment issues which the midwives looked at and said it was ok. Once home things got worse, feeding became excrutiating, I had a huge crack in my left nipple and one starting on my right. I arranged for a L/C to come and see me - she did little to help, other than offer kind words. DS was losing weight (he had lost about 10% of his birth weight and losing more) and was jaundiced. I was an emotional mess, sleep deprived and recovering from the surgery - I decided to put him on formula...at 2 weeks old. That decision has plagued me ever since. I now wonder if I wasn't so tired, so emotional perhaps I could have seeked another L/C...or I don't know...there must have been other things I could have tried that I didn't/couldn't think of at the time. I don't know if I'd say I regret the decision, as DS is a healthy thriving boy...but I do wonder if it was the right decision to make.

Anyway, I would dearly love to BF my next baby but I fear things will head down the same path. I have a scar on my left nipple from the crack...will this affect feeding next time? Is there anyone out there who has been in a similar situation...what happened when/if you tried to BF subsequently?

I was in a similar situation, dd1 was 6 weeks early by emergency c sect, she was on a nasal tube but I would still try and bf. We eventually managed to bf prob half the time but she always needed a top up if ebm or formula to keep her weight up.

With dd2 it was completely different, she fed really well from the beginning. She wouldn't take a bottle even when were going out so it was a totally different experience.

Oh, that's me!

Ds1 I tried and tried to feed. He was born with a bad tongue tie, it was extremely forked at birth, they snipped it in hossy but could only do it partway due to the severity. Even now he can't stick it out very far and it's a little 'dented' when he does.
Anyway, it didn't make for an easy time feeding. I saw 2 lactation consultants, spent many phone calls to the ABA, saw my child health nurse every chance I could. In the end, with my nipples cracked and bleeding and me in tears AGAIN I admitted defeat and went to a mix of formula and EBM.

Ds2 - totally different story!!! He too was born with a tongue tie but not nearly as bad. They didn't snip it until day 3, by this time my nipples were already grazed but as soon as he was snipped it was great! He attaches like a champion and feeds away! I went in with the attitude of I was going to try my best, arm myself with all the knowledge I could but not beat myself up if it didn't work. I got a copy of 'Breastfeeding Naturally', think the ABA put this book out. Girlfriends gave me a breastfeeding pillow which I took to hossy with me and when we had the 'paperwork appt' at the hossy I made it clear that I really wanted to give breastfeeding a good go and could they please put that in my notes and have a lactation consultant come see me as soon as possible after the birth.

I am so pleased with the way it's all turned out, I was so nervous about it before I had ds2, but it's turned out great. For me, knowledge really was power.

I don't have a second-time round experience. However, I would suggest joining the ABA and getting to know your local counsellors (you might find someone you really click with) and locating a good LC in your area before you give birth, so you have someone you can turn to.
Also maybe think about what extra help and support you could get for yourself at home after the birth - someone to watch your older child, a house cleaner, putting meals away in the freezer ahead of time, or whatever else comes to mind - just to give yourself as much time as possible to concentrate on your new arrival.
I would definitely try to line your 'ducks' up ahead of time, because it's all too hard when you're sleep deprived and stressing about a baby that needs feeding.

Good luck! Hope things go much more smoothly for you this time

Oh, sounds really similar to my own story, hun!! Hopefully I can help give you some positive vibes by sharing :)

I was induced with DD1, had a really short, intense and ultimately traumatic labour which resulted in a massive post-partum haemorrhage (lost 3.5L of blood and required several transfusions). I could barely get two drops of colostrum out, DD1 was latched on really painfully (midwife said her attachment looked fine but I could tell it was just all wrong, it hurt so, so badly) for two out of every three hours (an hour each side, then about an hour's break before she would scream and scream with hunger) for 48 hours, until the midwife finally cracked and gave her formula. When we got home from hospital, I was using nipple shields to try and protect myself while getting her to attach properly, but she either couldn't or wouldn't. I gave up on trying to BF and switched to expressing every three hours, but my milk just never came in, I was a complete emotional and physical wreck after the delivery and BFing issues, and adjusting to becoming a mum... I was lucky to get 30-50ml every 3 hours, and DD1 was feeding every hour and drinking up to 90ml per feed. I couldn't keep up by a long shot, and was on the verge of a nervous breakdown at 6 weeks when I finally decided I needed to save myself and put her on full formula. She slept through the night that same evening and when I woke up, I felt like a whole new person. It was all uphill from there, I never looked back and I've never regretted my decision.
Sure, with some support from my GP and resources like the ABA, chances are I could have BF'd successfully, but I did what I could, with what I had at the time (which was nothing, really - everyone I asked for help just said 'put her on formula, it's easier and it's just as good'). I don't feel bad at all.

DD2 was a spontaneous labour, I insisted she be put straight to my breast before the cord was cut/measurements taken etc etc. She fed within two minutes of being born and it was great - her attachment was perfect from the get-go. My milk came in properly within 3 days (oh my goodness, my boobs practically doubled in size overnight, it was terrific!) and DD2 was ALWAYS on the boob, but got plenty of milk and gained weight like a champ.
We did have a few issues early on, and at the end of our BFing journey, with cluster-feeding at night leading to me being 'all out' and her still being hungry, so there were a few times when I had to comp feed her at night with either formula, or BM I'd expressed earlier in the day when I had bucketloads to spare. I used those comp feeds as a last resort to try and preserve my supply (by letting her feed on empty bbs as long as she could hold out, to try and get them to make more milk) and it worked pretty well - maybe two nights a week she'd need a comp, the rest we'd be fine.

It definitely can be better second time around - I'm so sorry your first BFing experience was unsuccessful :( Get into whatever resources you can access, enlist the support of your partner and family to help encourage you through the rough patches, and try for as natural a birth as you possibly can to help you establish a successful nursing relationship right from the get-go :) Best of luck, I really hope it works out better for you this time around! I never thought I would be able to do it with DD2 but it came so easily despite my fears. I really hope it's the same for you :) Good luck!

I can put my hand up here as well
but firstly.
thank you to everyone else sharing their stories. :D

OK so Dd1 i just could not Bf, as much as i wanted to and i tried it neevr worked, i ended up getting grazes all over my nipple, mastitis adn cysts :( so gave up after 4 days :( i did try to express for 2 weeks but it didn't work either

fast forawrd to DD2
I went in thinking whatever will be will be, no fuss if i cant BF i can still give her formula.
so she was born very quickly 10 days over due. and then while we were in the ambulance driving to the hospital she climbed up my belly and latched on and had a big drink..
i managed to exclusively BF her for 3 months and including expressing so i could return to work.
but at 5 months my milk just stoped, had a very stressfull event and feel it was due to me working long hours plus stress.

so yes i did it i BF my baby :D
I never force people to Bf as i feel its a natural thing and if you adn your baby are relaxed and welcoming to teh idea it happens.
i still feel i forced BFing to much with DD1

Hi, my birth was completely different to yours, but I had trouble feeding both my older children.
There is a thread here somewhere for debreifing after your breastfeeding attempts that just didn't work. I'm trying to find it.

Anyway, I was never really told or shown how to BF. All I knew was what you read in books & the ABA leaflet I got out of the bounty bag.
Oh & I 'knew' that BF wasn't supposed to hurt. If done properly. So when it started hurting with DD1 I mentioned it to the MW at the birth & my MCHN. The birth MW said something about fairer skinned people can have problems with pain for no apparent reason & the MCHN just said that attatchment seemed fine & nothing else.
Noone told me there was a such thing as an LC. Noone suggested what could be causing it. The only thing I knew could go wrong was mastitis, coz I read about it.

I held out with DD1, through the pain for 6 weeks, then I bought a pump. I pumped for 4 weeks, then just got over pumping, then feeding, then pumping, then feeding. I couldn't do anything else, so I put her on FF. I never had a crack, don't think I had thrush, I had no idea what else could be wrong.

Then DD2. Feeding started off pretty well, then I did crack. Then I got thrush. It all got too much, again noone tried to help, or suggest what I could do, so at 4 or 5 weeks i put her on FF too. I just figured I was no good.

When I was pg with DS though, things were different. I had BB for a few months at the start of the pregnancy. That was enough to make me more determined.
Again I had pain. I think now that it was vasospasm, but wasn't told that again either. I went through the pain for 6 weeks, then I rang the MCHN in tears & told her I needed help. I was having serious PND issues, simply because I was feeling like a failure again. I'd had him on FF for 3 days by then.

I was lucky. This MCHN rang an LC for me. Over the phone we worked it out. I treated us both for thrush, put a warm face washer on my nipple before feeding (why I now think I had vasospasm) & while any cracks/thrush were healing I used nipple sheilds. 2 days was enough time for them to heal. It protected the nipple & I had no pain at all while waiting for the thrush & cracks to heal.
We ended up feeding for almost 2 years :)

Having BB is a big help. Just knowing all the things out there & being able to read about them & how other people dealt with them is a huge support.
Knowing that LC's exist is also a good start. Having faith & determination is a huge key also IMO. In yourself.

Join the ABA. See if you can start attending meetings during your pregnancy. Maybe even meet up with an LC during your pregnancy. I'm going to try to, coz I'm a bit scared myself of failing again. I have more confidence now, after succeeding once, but the thought of going through all those things again is a bit scary!

I had a terrible experience trying to bf my DD. I manages to combine feed until she was 7mths, when I found out I was pg with DS.
DS on the other hand was a champion feeder from the start. He latched on at birth as if he had been doing it for years and now he's a few weeks of turning two, we have been doing it for years!! He has hardly had formula and is still feeding anywhere between 2-5 times a day and I love it! It was sooooo much easier to do this time.
Try not to compare your next bfing experience with your first. Although it can be difficult, your next experience is with a different baby, different circumstances and you are a little more prepared the next time around too, you have some idea of what you're doing!!
Good luck!

Different experiences each time for me...

DD1 had terrible attachment & cracked my nipples before we even made it out of hossy, they were bleeding & scabbed. I went home expressing for her but only kept it up a couple of days before she went onto formula at 8 days old.
What I learned - ask for help early, don't wait until you're bleeding!

DS2 fed pretty well, we had home visits from MCHN who helped with attachment again, once we got through the first couple of weeks it was fine.
However... I weaned him at 8 weeks because I thought he wasn't getting enough from me... what I know now of course is completely different, but at the time I really thoght I was doing the best thing for him. *sigh*
Moral of his story is, trust your body to provide the best. Read a bit & be aware of what's normal for a BF baby.

DS3 was a slow starter, not attachment problems as such but he was a bit lazy & we used shields until he got the hang of it & then weaned off them at about 4 - 6 weeks - we did a few formula comp feeds too. He ended up feeding for 14 months. He was my star :p
Moral of the story - if at first you don't succeed.... try again ;)

DD2 I am EE for because of post birth issues that saw her on a bottle & she refused to take the breast. I am thinking about weaning soon, and she is the only one of the four who has never had formula.
I don't know if there is anything to be told by her story - just that they are all different.

So read, learn as much as you can beforehand - I learnt more each time - and also make sure tht your partner & family know how important it is to you & that they are willing to support you. You don't need them arguing with you over giving bottles or dummies if you don't want that. Maybe join the ABA and consider the help of an LC if you need it.

Good luck!! :hug:

Like the others, I had trouble feeding DD1 and at 4 weeks gave up from exhaustion. DD1 is a very happy, intelligent little girl now so I don't think FF has harmed her in anyway, but I still wish I could have BF her.

DD2 was attached straight away even though I had a C-section. I asked for A LOT more help, infact every feed while I was in hospital and then help when I got home too. I also had the theory that everytime she cried I put my boob in her mouth, to help my milk cuase it didn't really come in for over a week. I also had heaps of help from DH, my family and I was determined. I guess I also made sure I was relaxed when I fed, or if I was anxious I breathed slow and deep. I noticed as soon as I did that I felt a let down and DD2 would feed easier.

HTH

DD1 - I chose to have pethadine in labour not knowing at all the effects it would have on me, my baby and our breast feeding relationship. Briley was born and was sleepy and not interested in the breast. We ended up having to express into a synringe and feed her through that. Then on day 3 even though I was still unable to get her to the breast, is was discharged from hospital. As I was getting prepared to leave, the Midwifery Unit Manager came in and told me "you can't go home, your baby isnt breastfeeding properly". This was AFTER I had signed my disharge forms and arranged for DP to pick me up.

I went home and tried to feed her but she just wouldnt latch. She would constantly come off to nipple and wouldnt stay on for long. I had so much milk too. At one point i expressed and not knowing how much I was supposed to give her, I fed her 200mls in one feed. She drank the lot! Poor bubba must have been starving. So by 4 weeks, my milk was beginning to dwindle becaue we didnt have an established breast feeding relationship. It was at this point that I put her onto formula.

DD2 - I swore after my first exprience that I would have a drug free birth this time and would breastfeed my baby because of this. And that I did!! I didnt have any drugs in labour and Colby was born and fed within half an hour of birth! She fed for a good half hour before I had to be taken to theatre for a MROP. I lost 2L of blood and the Midwives were shocked that when on day 3 my milk still came in. Apparently, women who have a PPH can have a delay in their milk coming in. Colby and I went on to breastfeed for 13 months! It was an amazing time!

I wish you all the best!
x

oh hon :hug: there is hope :)

DS1 - emergency c/s after 22 hours labour....milk fails to come in....deflated :(
DS2 - planned c/s......due to stress first time round puts him straight onto formula...milk comes in on day 2 :doh: but DS would not attatch..screamed...deflated again :(
DD - emergency c/s afterf 3hours spontanias labour - BF in recovery and for 5 weeks....placed to much pressure on myself and quit due to upsetting DS2 who is autistic..failed :(
DS3 - planned c/s....BF in special care nursary....shipped to Royal Childrens hospital when he was 2 weeks old..stayed for 4 weeks...BF his the entire time NO FORMULA!!!! Successfully BF him unikl almost 8 months when he weened.

I learnt to believe in myself and the ability that my body is here to help nurture my child and god dame it that is exactly what I pushed myswelf to do!!! No it wasnt easy but I kept pushing myself.

I just wish people would have told me how hard it was before I had DS1 cause I would have tried harder KWIM

Gosh! What wonderful replies! Thank you all so much for your honesty and for taking the time to reply.

I am feeling completely different about attempting to BF again. Its great to hear such positive stories, that it CAN be done! I'm quite excited to give it another go (when the time comes!), and will make sure I arm myself with as much information as possible (which I didn't do at all last time). But, if it doesn't work, I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

Thanks so much :hug: