Need your help and ideas please....we are at our wits end

Hi everyone,

I am after some ideas to get our 2.5yr old out of our bed at night!!. My husband and I are at our wits end and either one of us is 'kicked' out of our bed and in to the spare bed every night because of our sons nightly thrashing.

I co-slept with Joshua from newborn until he was 1, which was probably a mistake. I just found it easier to breastfeed this way. Since then we've had trouble getting him to sleep in his own room. He flat out refused to sleep in a cot when he was little, so we just ended up taking him to our bed at night because we needed the sleep, and it just seemed easier :shakehead: Now at 2.5yrs old, we are having huge troubles trying to get him to sleep in his own bed. He will go to sleep in his own bed at the start of the night (if we lie with him), but sometime during the night he will come in to our bed. Its got to the stage where we don't even hear him come in anymore. When we talk to him about it, he says he doesnt like his room and he assumes that our bed is his bed!!.

I know its entirely our fault for not setting a routine when he was younger, but we need to get him in to his own bed. Does anyone have any ideas how to do this??. :wall:

Sorry :( Im no help......our story sounds exactly like yours but we enjoy him sneaking in our bed.

I know someone who actually locked their child in their room at night so they wouldnt escape....perhaps you could try that??? :dunno:

Thanks Maz. I actually have enjoyed him sleeping with us too. Hense why I haven't really done anything about it until now. Unfortunately its my husband who is really started to struggle with it and its affecting our relationship. So sadly, things have to be done.
Josh would get hysterical if I locked him in his room. He freats if he cant see me, so i think that might make the situation worse. Aside from taking him back to his bed as much as we can, I dont know of any other way to get him used to his room :(

if it was me, i would set up a mattress on the floor in his room next to his bed and start sleeping in it for a couple of weeks- just to get him used to being in his own room/bed iykwim?
then when you feel the time is right, gradually start sneaking back to your own bed and then eventually get rid of the mattress altogether- once he seems comfortable in the new environment.

could you perhaps get his bed and put it in your room so he can get use to it???

Maybe a special bedtime toy that his only allowed to have when he goes to bed in his own bed? Going shopping and getting him to pick out a doona or sheet set so his excited about going to bed? Star charts/rewards for sleeping in his own bed? a nightly bedtime routine of a book in his bed then sleep time?
Ummm... thats all I can think of at the moment. If i think of more i'll come back and post.
HTH. xx

Aww giant :hug: hun it's not easy is it, i remember when we used to bring Ava into our bed while i was PG cos it was easy and i needed the sleep, it lasted forever and i thought she would NEVER stop.
In the end i persevered with re-settling her in her own room as i knew i couldn't have her coming in and waking up Z when she was born, it took a good couple of weeks to get her back to sleeping properly

Is there any way you could maybe involve him in re-decorating his room to make it a little more comfortable, some exciting new doona cover etc?
Does he have a soft toy that he can associate with bed?

Ava is on a mattress on the floor in the new house (beds on order) and she is sleeping heaps better than in her cot, she loves her big girls doona and pillow.
We have the door closed tight and she can't open it as she's too short, maybe you could put a baby gate on the door.. as much as it will be a PITA you would have to get up and maybe persevere with re-settling him.. even if it means falling asleep in his bed with him for a bit?

I'm sure someone has some great advice, you've probably tried nearly everything as it is.

GL

Our 2.5yo has different bed issues - basically she hates bed and starts screaming at the mere mention of it at night - and for us, we have to talk her into bedtime until she changes her mind so she goes voluntarily or she simply Will Not Sleep. She fills the bed up with soft toys, books, special blanket, night lights, hard toys, the works, and has to have a wind-up music thing on. And we *have* to make her bed into a cubbyhouse. She's fine with this, despite it not leaving much room for her in there :)

She's still in a cot for obvious reasons (which she *can* get out of but usually doesn't - its a long way down), and her door is one of few in the house that is toddler proof. This is by design, not accident.

I've never co-slept with her beyond the first week, she's a horrible sleeper. I co-slept with the other one for a few years on and off but I had no husband/partner so it didn't cause issues ... and she was the kind of baby who'd sleep through a house burning down (true story) and was fine in her own bed. They're all different, you just need to try something different and follow through with any threats/promises consistently until you've got a new routine.

We have the same issue with our 2.5 year old twins. They never co-slept with us, kids of this age just like to be close to their parents so please don't blame yourself for co-sleeping initially. Getting off to a good start with breastfeeding is so important your your child's health and sleeping together in the early months gives you so much more sleep, if you hadn't done it you may have found yourself constantly exhausted and grumpy.

But I understand the issue you are in now. I really hate co-sleeping as I get no rest with a child thrashing about in the bed so invariably I end up in their bed whilst they are in mine. I have decorated their bedroom which has helped a little, and also made sure their room is very cosy and warm so they don't wake up if they are chilly. If they do happen to sleep through without climbing in with me I over the top congratulate them and make a big show of telling them how clever they are. When they come into my room in the night I gently take them back to their own room and remind them they have to sleep in their own beds. Slowly we are getting there, with more nights of undisrupted sleep. Just be patient and you will get there.

Good luck

T
xx

no advice, cause we're in the same boat with both our kids :rolleyes:
but just wanted to let you know you're not on your own xo

Thanks so much girls. There really isnt anything more we can do to his room. We bought this house late last year and painted his room and did it all up. So its really nice and colourful with lots of toys. He also has a heater to keep him cosy. I think bottom line is that he is used to sleeping with us, so that feels right to him. I might take your advice and just sleep with him in his bed for a little while so that he gets comfortable in there. Fingers crossed for me!! :) Will let you know how it goes.

when i had my DS i was dead against co sleeping for this very reason.. he was 2 hours old when we first co slept ;)
he will be 5 in sept and our DD will be 3 next month. both still come in to our bed at some point in the night. BUT both go to bed SO easily now compared to when we were trying to force the issue.
i think having a chat with DH why he is so upset by it all? he needs that comfort.. and surely there are other times you (as a couple) could attend to your relationship ;)

The book the "no cry sleep solution" has some really lovely gentle ways of transitioning babies/toddlers to their own beds/rooms after co-sleeping. I intend on using some of those when we move our little one to her own cot.

Hugs
Sue xx

we are similar, but have made small headways. Ds is almost 3 and is slowly starting to understand that he should be in his own bed.
We have to be persistent in returning him to his bed, but there is a cut off time, when the sun comes up, he is allowed. If ds stays asleep all night we don't see him, so maybe address the issue as to why he is waking in the first place? hungry, thirsty toilet etc etc
I did make a point of buying him a king single bed so one of would fit in with him.

One of our biggest problems was getting him ito bed in the first place and getting him to be happy to be there, most days one of us reads until he falls asleep, which sounds extreem but he gets maybe 2 of his books, and then at the moment he is getting harry potter, he's already had the hobbit, whatever my husband was reading and fanastic mr fox, about 2 pages of a non picture book does the trick.

my ds also has a serious touching skin fetish that I have been slowly trying to wean him off, last time I put him to bed, i sat down the other end and he was allowed to touch my ankle, his favorite place is my tummy

We have decided against making this an issue in our house. We have had a cot next to our bedwith 1 side off for about 9 mths, now we want both boys out of our bed and so we talked to them and got a bunk to replace the cot. Big boy upstairs and little boy downstairs. Its against a wall and our bed. The little 1 knows hes not allowed to climb up by himself (but he does sometimes) We put them in their places at the start of bed but while we are in the early stages we wont fuss if 1 falls asleep in our bed or his brothers bed, we just put everybody in the right place when they are asleep. So far its working well, and we hope that next summer they will go into their own room, but for now, just having our bed to ourselves is bliss!

lol you could have written about my son!

We started with a mattress on the floor of our room for him, but usually it's me that sleeps on it :wall:, so we tried one on the floor in his room for me to sleep on -again to no avail, then all of a sudden he was OK with being on his own in his room. Usually is with me early morning, but for the better part of the night it's all good.
Does he have his day sleeps in his own room or yours?