Scared out of my pants....

I need to get this off my chest. I know I am not around here much but I just need support right now..

I suffer from GAD (general anxiety disorder) and OCD and am coming off medication in prep for bubs birth. As every day goes by, I am more and MORE petrified of going into labour. I am not afraid of the pain, I am not afraid of any of that side of it. I am petrified that something is going to go wrong and I won't be bringing my baby home. This anxiety is overwhleming me. Its overwhelming me to the point that I want to have an elective c-section just because I think it will get her here safer. We went to a pre natel class where they talked about skin to skin and I know thats important, but all I could think about was " JUST make sure she is OK before you put her on me. she needs to be ok before you do that" I am even cying just sitting here typing this...

for some reason I feel I dont deserve for soemthing to be so perfect and that i deserve something to happen....I feel that being on my medication makes me deserve for something to go wrong...

Im sorry if this has upset anyone or I have not posted in the wrong section...

:grouphug:First of all. I'm sorry you are feeling so anxious at the prospect of birth.

It might help you to know you are not alone, there is a real phobia of childbirth called tocophobia. I am not suggesting this is necessarily what you have, but it is not abnormal to be having these feelings in preparation for birth. It is, however, very important that you discuss them with your care provider. It may be that between you, a decision for an elective CS is made. Or it may be that after counselling you are happy to have a vaginal birth.

Please be reassured that you can request no skin to skin until the baby has been checked. These checks only take a few moments and if it helps you relax for your pregnancy then it is worth the wait. Discuss this and your other concerns with your obstetrician or midwife. They will not be shocked or disappoint in you, just happy that you have opened up and taken steps to assist your own mental health at this time.

And please if you have any concerns like this feel free to post them here as no-body will judge you.

Trav
xx

Hi BubbleKitten, I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. I just wondered why you are being taken off your meds? I assume you have taken them throughout your pg to this point, so they must be safe to take during pg? And are you being weaned off them very slowly? It is important to slowly decrease the dose of most anxiolytics and anti depressants or you will suffer fairly nasty side effects.

As Traveller has already said, it is really important that you speak to you care provider about how you are feeling so that together you can come up with a plan for the rest of your pg and your baby's delivery. If you do go ahead with a vaginal delivery, rest assured that even as your baby is placed on your chest after delivery she is being observed and assessed by the MW's/doctors. If they see ANY sign that your daughter requires any assistance the staff will not hesitate to intervene.

BK, have you had any counseling in the past to deal with your AD/OCD? There are lots of treatments for both of these conditions - some pharmacological (meds) but many other methods of behaviour modification and relaxation techniques. Perhaps you will find something which works for you? The thing is, if you don't seek help now, once your DD's delivery is past you will find something else to focus on which will cause you to feel the same way - that's the nature of an AD. Pregnancy and early parenthood are particularly stressful times and I really strongly encourage you to speak to someone- your OB/MW or your GP.

BubbleKitten, I truly hope that you find effective ways to cope with your AD/OCD and that you have people around you to offer the love and support you need. :hug:

thanks so much. I have discuseed with my OBS and we are going to take further at later appointments. I am also going to discuss with my Psychologist and psychiatrist about it all and see what they think. I am looking forwards to the excitement of waters breaking, contractions, driving into hospital etc. Its just the final moment when she comes out that terrifies me...

I am on valiun... so no its not safe to take during pregnancy, but has not been deamed unsafe either. I have been weaning off it and am on a VERY low dose at the moment, will be off by 36 weeks, they want me off because of an respitory problems it could cause the baby. I see a PSychiatrist who specialies in PND and Pst natel anxiety and he is setting me up with lots of measures after the baby is born. I also see a psychologist who specalisdes in Benzo withdrawal! So I am covered on all those basis's....

BK, it sounds like you are being well cared for and you have done a great job of setting up a professional support network. Is your DH a good support and what about your friends and family? If it is just this one specific issue which is causing you anxiety then I'm sure you will be successful in dealing with it with the help of your psych. I know it is not going to ease your anxiety for someone just to tell you but... the delivery suite staff will usually know prior to that final moment of delivery if your bub is distressed and will require intervention so any support she will require will be on hand. And again, your daughter will be assessed on your chest no differently to if she was taken away and assessed in a cot. BUT if the only thing that will ease your mind is to have your DD assessed prior to you holding her, then of course you can request that.

Benzo's do cause respiratory depression in neonates so I'm glad your doc is weaning you off them! You are doing a great job to be coping on such a low dose and to be completely weaned by 36 weeks.

You will get there BK, you have done such a good job in surrounding yourself with the support and resources you need. This is just a little speed bump in the road...

I think all mums experience some sort of anxiety like this when they know they are going to be a mum, it's just higtened in you because of the gad & ocd. It sounds like you are doing all the right things and I wish you all the best, stay positive and make sure you do get your fears off your chest. Belly Belly is what that is great for