Surname dilemma

I've got my bubs first name sorted, but something I didn't think about until tonight when someone asked me is what I'll do about baby's surname.

My babies father is not going to have anything to do with bub, he lives overseas and there is no relationship at all and probably never will be. So bub will not have his fathers name.

So naturally I decided bub will have my name, but the problem I have is that I currently have my ex-husbands surname - we separated a couple of years ago and the divorce just went through earlier this year. My XH is not the father of my baby, so I think it would be a bit weird to give my baby his families name.

Any suggestions? I want to have the same surname as my baby, but do you think it'd be right if I gave my bub my XH's name, or should I change my name back to my maiden name and give bub that one?

Maybe change your name back and give the baby your maiden name.

I would change name back and give baby your maiden name.

Do you really want to have ex surnames anyway still??

good luck

If you're divorced, then 'usually' you go back to your maiden name. And you certainly wouldn't be naming your child after a total stranger (to the child). IMO anyway.

Hi Bec,

Only you can know what is right for you and your bub. But here are some questions to ponder:

If you weren't having a baby would you be considering going back to your birth (ie. maiden) name? Or are you only considering it because you are having a baby? Does your 'current' surname feel like your name? Do you feel comfortable using it? Do you feel sentimental about your birth surname?

FWIW, if I was in your situation I would most likely revert to my family name and use that for my bub. Your bub has no family connection to your XH and his surname, so I would not feel inclined to use the name for my bub.

Good luck with your decision.

I agree with the girls here; return to your maiden name and give bubs that surname. It would be very confusing to give bubs your ex's surname and imagine if you remarry... Bubs will still have this lingering name that isn't even the father. I think your maiden name is safest... But that's just my thoughts remember :)

I agree, use your maiden name and give your bub the same surname. It would only be fitting :)

oops I just wrote out a reply and lost it..

thanks girls, and no, if I wasn't having a baby I wouldn't be considering changing my name back. XH and I are on good terms (it wasn't a messy breakup), even if I don't see him anymore. And I wouldn't have changed it because I like it, it's a much nicer name than my maiden name (one of those names that have to be spelled every time you say it), and it's such a pain to change names. But there is no family connection there for bub so it doesn't mean anything.

Why not change your name to a last name you like that isn't your maiden name or your married name? Then you and bub have that name. Winners all around.

If you are comfortable with your current surname, i don't see a problem with keeping it and giving your bub the same name.

Bec - i had a similar issue, My son was always going to take my name without hessitation, but i had never been married and i was NOT in good terms with my father and did NOT want DS carring on my dads name so i changed my name to my mums maiden name which i loved being and then DS took that name. As im not married still this bub will also take this name so the kids are the same.

As someone said you can just make one up if u have issues with ur mums name - its the exact same process. :)

I would consider your mothers maiden name as well. DH has his mothers name. They did change it when she married later, but he went back to it when he went for his license & now all our kids also have her name.

I have a mate who has four kids to her ex husband (he has actually died now) so they all have the same name but she has since had another bub to a different guy (who does not live with her) and didn't know what to do about the surname becuase she didn't want her youngest to have a different name to the other kids. In the end she went with the father's surname as he is in the baby's life. My ex had a child from a previous relationship and her mum gave her the surname of a boyfriend she then broke up with! So the the kid had name that was not her mother's or father's!!! If I was in your shoes I would go down the maiden name route so you have the same name as bub and it is not your XH's name (he has nothing to do with the bub after all).

thanks everyone, I think I am going to change my name back to my maiden name even though I don't like it. It is my family name, and makes so much sense for bub to have that name when I think about it. Does anyone know how to go about doing that?

Do you get papers to say you are divorced? I guess it'd be similar to changing when you marry wouldn't it?
Or you could get a JP to sign a stat dec saying you are known as your maiden name now, then use that to change the name on your license etc.
I'm really not sure, but there are people who would know around here :)

Look on the births deaths and marriages website for your state and get an over 18 change of name form. (I am pretty sure that's what you do!)

I agree with the others I would go back to your maiden name and both have that.

I'm fairly sure that if you have enough documents such as your birth certificate, high school certificate, tertiary graduation degree etc in your maiden name then you can simply decide to revert to using it. But I'm not 100% certain... Let me ask DH... Ok, yes that's what he believes to be true (he works for a bank). He doesn't believe you have to do it via Deed Poll or similar.

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thanks everyone, I think I am going to change my name back to my maiden name even though I don't like it. It is my family name, and makes so much sense for bub to have that name when I think about it. Does anyone know how to go about doing that?

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... if you don't like your maiden name you don't have to change it to that ... a little story here my younger sister and i absolutely did not like the surname we were born with so as soon as i was of legal age i changed my surname to my last middle name, now that might not suit you but what my younger sister did was change her surname to a surname within the family she did like ... she wanted to change it to our Mother's maiden name but it didn't go with her first name, so she changed it to my Grandmother's maiden name (my sis was about 36years old when she changed it so never too old to change your surname through deed poll) ... and she has loved it ever since because even though it's not her own birth name (i can't say maiden name as my sis hasn't been married) - but the name still holds wonderful family ties being that it was our beloved " Nan's " maiden/family name, and it does feel 'almost' as special as her own birth name :D

If i were you this would be something i would seriously consider as #1 You will actually like the name and #2 It's still a family surname ... so all round you could be really happy with your and your bub's surname :thumbsup: