Just starting out - a few Qs

Hi everyone,

I'm a little lost at the moment, I'm not sure where to ask these questions.

DH and I have been TTC since December, which isn't long, but we recently had a SA done because we had a idea in the back of our minds that DH might not be fertile. The SA showed no sperm, and our Doctor got us an appointment for a fertility specialist at an IVF clinic in Richmond. (Has anyone had any experiences with them?)

So, we don't really know the cause of the lack of sperm yet, but I'm still thinking about the road that lies ahead of us. I have a few questions about IVF too.. like, are you SURE I have to go through the drugs and egg collection if I'm otherwise fine? (I already know the answer to that I suppose :redface: ) and with the cost involved - the sticky thread about how much it costs, is that for ONE try only, or does that cover more than one? We're trying to decide how much we need to save up, and where the "end point" is for us.

My DH is wondering about the "natural selection" issue, he's worried if he's not able to have kids naturally, perhaps he shouldn't at all.

We havn't talked with any family or friends about any of this. At least not until we find out what the cause is and what our options are.

Thanks for any help. Also, where does someone like me post here now? I was in the TTC buddies for 1-6 months, but I'm all lost now, as I'm not a LTTTC yet, but we may be going through assisted conception real soon.

Thank you again!

sorry I have no advice, because you have done more than DH and me.
But I hope it all works out, and wish you the best while you go through it and work out causes etc... and ofcourse sending you all the wiggly little spermy vibes i can and sticky vibes and baby vibes.
good luck!!!

Hi frugal. im not much help either but i wanted to say goodluck! All clinics cost a little different but i can tell you what it has cost me and DH, the first round (full stim cycle) cost us $9000 ($7500 for the IVF/ICSI procedure and then it cost us an extra $1500 for the hospital bill and aunethitist for egg collection). I was fortunate enough to have 4 good 5day embryo's, so we had one 3 put away in storage. The frozen cycles cost us $2395.
From the stim cycle we got back about $5000 from medicare and with the frozen cycles we got back about $1400 from medicare.
I also thought i wouldn't need egg collection because im healthy but they do the stim cycle and egg collection to produce more eggs to get a better result because not all embryo's make it to the blastist stage, out of 15 eggs collected i got 4 embryo's and they told me that i got a great result as many ppl only get 1! I hope i havn't confused you too much and i hope it helps but dont be afraid of the IVF procedure because it does seem daunting at first but once you start it is really easy and exciting. xx

ME 24 & DH 25
ICSI
STIM #1 BFN
FET #2 BFN
FET #3 BFP- Lost our little angel at 5 weeks
FET #4 jul/aug

Thank you Teirae and Oneday. :hug:

Oneday - you weren't confusing at all! Very helpful, thank you so much.

DH doesn't want to talk about anything to do with IVF until at least after Thursday when we see the FS for the first time.. so I'm conflicted, since that's how I get out any worries and thoughts and everything. I just *have* to talk about stuff. I can understand his POV though, of course.. I had some other questions, but I've forgotten them already. :redface: Yep, it *seems* daunting right now.. but I'll try to remember "easy and exciting".. lol :)

Thanks again.

Hey Frugal,

I just wanted to offer my support for you in your situation.

It is difficult, and it's a road most of us wish we didn't have to travel down but I guess it's one that just becomes a part of who you are. I'm only in the stimulation phase of my very first IVF cycle, but I've already had my won ups and downs. It's taken us 7 months to get here from the time of our first fs appointment.

You partner probably just confused at the moment. He will more than likely be feeling hurt and blame for the situation the both of you are now facing. Once you get into it a bit more and speak to your doctors, he may open up in relation to the options you will have in front of you.

With the cost, our aim (along with most others) is to get as many viable embryo's into storage as possible. Once you have an embryo to thaw, you will not need to go through the process of the stimulation drugs or egg pick up. This will in turn dramatically reduce the cost of future cycles.

I truly wish you all the best and hope that everything works out well for you. Keep us updated on what road you do eventually take.

All the best.

Kimmi x

Thank you Kimmi. Poor DH is feeling like it's all his fault that we're in this situation, poor thing. Amazingly though, he told his boss at work about the whole situation and called me saying he's pro-IVF.

My other question was: if I'm otherwise healthy, would that increase our chances of IVF working fairly quickly, say, in comparison to if I had issues too?

Thanks again. We got a call from the FS clinic confirming our appointment for Thursday.. it seems every day we're forced to think about it in one way or another. In some ways, I'm looking forward to getting this happening.

That must have been a bit of a shock frugal :hug:
It's best to take these things one step at a time. Talk with your FS and see where you stand on the sperm side of things, then take it from there. It is always good to be moving forward, but unfortunately this can be a very long and difficult journey, so take care of yourselve along the way and always keep talking to each other.
All the best for Thursday & remember we're here for any questions or if you just need support.

Hi frugal im glad i could help :) Your question about concieving easy well thats the tricky one because everyone is completely different, i was 23 when me and DH started IVF, i was in complete dinial thinking im young and healthy so i will fall first or 2nd go, our first 2 attemts didn't work and then i fell with our 3rd round but we lost it at 5weeks :( but dont let this put you off because like i said EVERYONE is different, iv heard many stories where people fall first go. But i believe if you go in with an open mind and don't have too high expectations and to be prepared that it may not work straight away you will be better off and then if it does work first go that a bonus. I can understand how your DH feels cause thats how mine feels, it must be very hard for them because i know when i lost our baby i felt the same way, i felt like a failure but my best advice is that you both need to stay positive and believe, thats what has gotten me this far is believing i WILL have a baby oneday. xx

frugal - firstly, :hug:. I know exactly how you feel, you're in the same place I was 2 years ago. And one thing i know for sure, is there's never any definites in this area. Until you can find out what the reason for DH zero sperm is, and hear what the fs has to say, there's always a chance. Modern science is amazing. And it's also so true that us girls usually just need to talk about it, examine it from every angle and hypothesise every outcome..but the guys like to have the facts first!! so, that's what we're all here for. It's been a long 3 years for my DH and me to get to the stage we're at now, i don't think our journey is over yet, but the good thing is, the earlier you know your options, the better. And this place is a great place for support. To answer your question about you being healthy and whether you need to undergo IVF treatment - if your DH has some sperm hidden somewhere then you're best option might be to undergo treatment and try to produce as many eggs as possible, inject them individually using the ICSI process, and trying for as many embryos as possible, so as to limit the number of times you or he need to undergo treatment. If an abundance of sperm are found, or if you use a donor, then IVF isn't so necessary for you. I'm also very healthy, though not gettigg any younger, and this was our best option.

Good luck with everything, I know it's a very tough time, you both might be grieving, so just be kind to yourself.

Just want to wish you all the best for your appointment.

Perhaps write questions down as you think of them and then take them to your FS on Thursday. I had a huge list of questions written down when I had my first IVF appointment which my FS went through with us.

Good luck and let us know how you go!
Sue xx

Thank you all so much. The appointment went really well I think, mostly because he was lovely and answered all our questions.

He examined DH, and has an idea that it'll be a genetic issue (something he was born with, no control over etc).. and to cut a long story short, it seems as though we won't be getting UTD without intervention. DH had all his bloods taken and we've arranged for a gyno appointment for me.. and a couple of ultrasounds each to top it off. It'll be an interesting day!

We havn't decided 100% on the IVF route just yet. The deciding factor is how DH's testosterone tests come back (as well as the genetic tests, of course.. so we'll assume they're fine for the time being..). We were both interested to learn that they actually have to remove 5% of his "mass" to get the sperm.. and doing so may effect his testosterone production. If he's already at a low / borderline level, it could mean hormone replacement for him for the rest of his life. We're not keen on that idea at all!

So, given everything comes back normal, we're looking at IVF. He said there wasn't a huge benefit of doing a biopsy to see what the chances are of DH having sperm, as the results aren't conclusive.. so generally they'll set me up for the egg collection (all the meds I suppose) and then have "one good shot" at getting sperm for the IVF/ICSI. If they find none, then that's our journey over (as we don't want to do the donor thing). If they do find some, then we're good to go.

So, next up is these appointments for ultrasounds and the gynaecologist, then we see the FS again in another 4 weeks after the blood tests are back.

There was a lot to take in at the time, so I'm sorry for missing anything important! :)

Sounds like you're much clearer on what needs to be done.

I'll say one thing about IVF, I found that you have to be in the right head space to start it. It was 2 years from my diagnosis of my issues until we actually went ahead with IVF. We were pretty devastated - as I am sure most people are - to learn that we had to have IVF. And as I say, it was 2 years before we were in the right head space to be able to face it.

I found that talking through things with DH all the time helped too. We were totally there for each other which I think is so important for such a journey.

All the best and keep us posted on how things go for you.
Sue xxx

Sorry Frugal, no advice but I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. I hope everything works out for you both!